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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Makeup put on 4 yr old DD at after school club!

66 replies

sjcmum · 17/05/2011 21:05

AIBU to think that it is inappropriate for a 4 year old to be wearing make up? When I picked up DD from after school club today, she had lipstick, eyeshadow and nail varnish on. Should I relax and just think of it as a bit of fun? Or should I continue to be outraged? I worry what kind of message is this giving young girls.....

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/05/2011 21:07

I would think it was just a bit of fun tbh

GypsyMoth · 17/05/2011 21:07

it was a one off?? not a daily occurance??

piprabbit · 17/05/2011 21:09

What sort of after school club? Who put the make up on her, a carer or an older child? How did your DD feel about it?

I think I'd probably wash it off at bathtime and never mention it again. If, however, there is a repeat experience I'd be having words with the leader of the club.

K999 · 17/05/2011 21:11

Dd2 loves all that kind of stuff. She is 4 too and is currently show casing neon pink nail varnish. Harmless fun IMO.

ElenorRigby · 17/05/2011 21:12

I would be irritated by my DD having someone putting lipstick and eyes shadow on her without my express permission.
If they put ffing nail varnish on her without consulting me, I would hit the roof!!!

squeakytoy · 17/05/2011 21:13

I assume she wasnt dressed in platforms and being sent to walk up and down the high street.

I really dont see why it would be a problem. It was kids playing. It washes off.

JumpOnIt · 17/05/2011 21:13

Oooh, half of me thinks a bit of fun and the other half of me thinks that if I were in your position I wouldn't be happy. Perhaps class it as a one off but if it happens again and you aren't comfortable, mention it to the after school club.

I understand your concern about the message it is sending but I think it depends on the context.

Numberfour · 17/05/2011 21:16

I would not like it at all. YANBU.

DuelingFanjo · 17/05/2011 21:17

It would irritate me. Why should a 4 year old even need to be aware of make-up. :(

K999 · 17/05/2011 21:18

My 4 year old is aware of make up as she sees me slapping it on with a trowel applying it every morning. Grin

Original poster
sjcmum · 17/05/2011 21:20

piprabbit - it's professionally run childcare, on the school site - my dd goes twice a week while I am at work. She was v.excited about it to start with, and I wasn't too bothered initially, but gradually started thinking. She was making comments like - "the eye shadow will make my eyes look bigger" - she shouldn't be worrying about her appearance at 4!!! DH was totally outraged - and I think when dd realised that maybe we weren't so pleased, she decided she wasn't so keen either. All washed off in the bath.

ElenorRigby - when I picked her up, the play leader said - we weren't sure if she was allowed, but she was getting a bit teary that she might not get any, when her friend was. I think ages ago I might have signed something about them giving them permission to do this kind of thing..... but had forgotten, as this is first time in school year that they have......

OP posts:
pinguwings · 17/05/2011 21:20

It's just a bit of fun. Wash it off and worry about the more important things.

squeakytoy · 17/05/2011 21:21

Most four year olds are aware of make up because they see their relatives use it.

It is quite normal for those kids to want to have a go at being a "grown up". It is harmless fun for kids.

K999 · 17/05/2011 21:23

The only thing that would cause me any concern is how do they know if your child may or may not suffer an allergic reaction? Is it hypo-allergenic make up they're using? Cheap stuff IMO can be very nasty. Is it play make-up?

takethisonehereforastart · 17/05/2011 21:23

I wouldn't be happy either. There are so many activities they could be doing at a club, why are they putting make-up on them?

Is it part of a play acting game or something?

galois · 17/05/2011 21:25

This has brought back a memory for me. I was at playgroup - must have been 3, and all the other girls were having their nails painted but I was told my Mum wouldn't allow it.

I'd be a bit Hmm if it was my DD, but my memory of feeling left out and confused would convince me to go with the flow. It's not great, but not worth singling her out for.

microfight · 17/05/2011 21:25

YANBU
I would be really annoyed especially the nail varnish

piprabbit · 17/05/2011 21:28

The bit about making her eyes look bigger would worry me, because it implies that her eyes aren't big (and beautiful) enough already. I would have assumed that it was applied as part of some kind of dressing-up play...but I think in the loght of that comment that I would want to speak to the leader to find out more about why they think this is an OK activity.

PenguinArmy · 17/05/2011 21:28

YANBU I would be angry

unfitmother · 17/05/2011 21:29

Sounds a bit odd but I don't think I'd get worked up about it.

smileyhappymummy · 17/05/2011 21:46

Surely they are just dressing up?
Really wouldn't bother me.

saffy85 · 17/05/2011 22:40

As a one off, done by an older child for a laugh, not a problem imo. My DD aged 3 currently has red polish on her fingernails, blue on her toes. She often raids my make up and paints a big line round her lips with my lipgloss, Ronald Macdonald style. This doesn't bother me much either although I've never helped her do that and the gloss is the only thing I let her get her hands on- no mascara, foundation or anything.

I wouldn't be happy about having little children waiting their turn for an adult to apply make up in an "adult" way. There must be better, more fun things for children to play after school. Also bit icky to share make up amongst lots of other children imo. [remembers last bout of horrible conjunctivitis DD suffered] Especially cheap stuff.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 22:44

I think that's totally inapropriate...and this is from me...who allows my 6 year old to put on makeup at home. I might allow it but I would NEVER presume to put it on someone elses child.

It seems very odd in a professional setting. Very short sighted. I won't even give a Barbie doll as a Biirthday gift...incase the parents are against them.

I would write...or speak to them about why this is not on. Especially telling her it wil make her eyes look bigger!As if a 4 year old could be improved!

KurriKurri · 17/05/2011 22:49

I used to run an after school club (on school premises) I would never have put make up on any child.
Apart from anything else, they might have some kind of allergic skin reaction.

It's unnecessary and innappropriate IMO, - they can play dressing up quite happily without the use of make up. (And frankly it sounds a pretty lazy activity to get children to line up and have make up put on - there are much more interesting activities you can organize for them)

saffy85 · 17/05/2011 22:53

Oh god yeah the comment about making your DD's eyes look bigger would piss me off big time. They shouldn't be thinking like that at that age.

Ofcourse your DD was getting upset she might not be allowed to have her make up done when other children had theirs'- totally normal reaction. But they shouldn't be putting her in that situation where if you say no to this kind of thing (and you are well within your right to do so) your DD will be "the odd one out".

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