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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Makeup put on 4 yr old DD at after school club!

66 replies

sjcmum · 17/05/2011 21:05

AIBU to think that it is inappropriate for a 4 year old to be wearing make up? When I picked up DD from after school club today, she had lipstick, eyeshadow and nail varnish on. Should I relax and just think of it as a bit of fun? Or should I continue to be outraged? I worry what kind of message is this giving young girls.....

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 17/05/2011 23:01

Is it an all-girls after-school club? If not, I would want to know what the boys were doing while this was going on and I would be kicking up about gender-segregated activities for DC that young and buying the group leader a copy of Delusions of Gender and hitting him/her over the head with it.

I don't actually mind DC playing dress-up with a bit of make- up, though I also agree with all those who were pointing out the infection risks, particularly with sharing eye make up among several kids, at least one of whom has probably got a cold, conjunctivitis or a styel.

onceamai · 17/05/2011 23:07

Can I just say OP that my SILS had/have a mother who would have been enraged by what you have experienced - they grew up to be a pair of plain Janes who are grubby, unfeminine and brown sandlers to boot who snide and jeer at any woman who makes an effort. Their glasses are generally empty and they eschew everything that might be a bit of fun or pleasurable. My mum was a model and goodness me, a beauty queen! I was taught to make the best of myself and to enjoy myself. I had a great career, married a fantastic man and at 50 still wear the same make-up my mother taught me to use at 14 - and to play with and dress up with at 3 with a bit extra on top. A bit of concealer, a bit of foundation, powder and blusher, a bit of mascara and bit of lippy. I cover up my grey, shave my armpits and value my legs. Life has been good to me and I hope it will be good to dd (12) too!. Mum and I have laughter lines the MIL and SILs have wrinkles. Please chill a little.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 23:14

Well said Goldbrass! Very valid point for the OP to bring up.

oncemai Whatever love! "goodness me"

I'm glad you "value" your legs....I value little girls self images and want to ensure that they have a positive veiw of themselves with and without makeup as they prefer.

Oh...and YOU chill a little.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 17/05/2011 23:14

oncemai what a nasty sneering post.

FabbyChic · 17/05/2011 23:21

I like onceamais post! It is not sneering at all.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 17/05/2011 23:23

Mind you, if this were to happen at my DS after school club, he would either be in there getting his face done or (if they wouldn't let him on the grounds that he was a boy) I would be having very serious words with the organisers.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 23:24

Fabby You LIKE this???

"they grew up to be a pair of plain Janes who are grubby, unfeminine and brown sandlers to boot"

I mean....BROWN SANDLERS??? Is that the kind of "witty" label that atracts you to people? Is that clever repartee in your world?

onceamai · 17/05/2011 23:29

Goodness me - what vitriol. Springchickens and Mumbling you would both get on so well with the SILs - so bitter and unhappy.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 17/05/2011 23:32

What's bitter and unhappy about querying the possiblity of eye infections from using one set of make up on a lot of 4 and year olds, and wondering whether/if/why this was done in an all-girls environment?

I quite lke make up and intermittently paint my DS' nails when he asks.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 23:34

goodness me oncemai! Methinks you protest too much about how happy, and attractive you are!

onceamai · 17/05/2011 23:38

Oh dear time for me to pop upstairs for my beauty sleep and 20 turns for each dainty ankle first

onceamai · 17/05/2011 23:41

You paint you ds's nails - disgraceful - pandering to non conformism.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 23:41

Yes oncemai...hope your eye mask snaps your sparse lashes off.

5318008 · 17/05/2011 23:43

lawks

I value my legs for their permabulatory powers

BabyDubsEverywhere · 17/05/2011 23:47

My DS (3) and DD (2) both have nail varnish on at the moment... so does DH! My DD did hers then her brothers then her dads..she had fun, DS had fun, i had fun laughing at dh walking round in flip flops with painted hobbit toes

Really, is it that bad? its just fun to my dd (and ds) it really is just dressing up/playing grownups/face painting. And yes its cheap nail varnish, most of it is on this vile carpet (we are mid renovation!)

MumblingRagDoll · 17/05/2011 23:50

So do both my DDs BabyDubs. Which is why oncemai's veiws are werdly skewed!

There's nothing up with painting your kids nails and letting them try lippy on if you want...I let mine...

but I think in a professional setting it''s just totally wrong as many parents don't like it at all. It's not rare for parents to feel this way....and their feeings are valid. So professional settings should avoid it as an activity.

oldsilver · 17/05/2011 23:58

As a playleader, this is not something I would condone. I am in no away against make up but not in a setting. I had to give 24 hour notice to parents if we were doing face painting!! There are allergies to consider, health and safety - not too keen on the idea of make up being shared amongst several children, appropriateness and gender stereo typing - what are the boys doing at this time, do they have the opportunity to be made up too? And what MumblingRagDoll said too.

LDNmummy · 18/05/2011 00:45

That is terrible! What a way to introduce young girls to conformist ideals without even acknowledging how their parents feel about it.

I would be FURIOUS!

Plus, what if your daughter had been allergic to some of the products they used? I am allergic to some makeup and body lotions and products of that nature, I would not like someone doing that to my child without asking first.

LDNmummy · 18/05/2011 00:46

And I do wear makeup BTW, just think this is very inappropriate.

GetOrfMoiCase · 18/05/2011 01:25

I had no problem with letting dd play with make up at home when she was that age, it was just 'acting like mummy' and she copied what I did.

I would feel a bit at a playgroup though, if only for the hygiene risks. I wouldn't want dd to share eyeshadow at that age.

SockShitter · 18/05/2011 04:15

I had very sensitive skin when I was a child and wouldl have had a reaction ..Stupid of them in my opinion. Also you should never share make up. Really isnt hygenic.

lljkk · 18/05/2011 05:26

Oh dear... well, I was chatting with an afternoon club Organiser & she said there's often very little for the older girls (y5-6) to do, they aren't into activities the other children like; yet we both agreed that girls this age need lessons in how to apply make up, otherwise the horrors they get up to... Organiser was saying that she often has to guide the girls or they apply their makeup in the most bizarre & excessive ways for school discos. I mentioned that it was suggested to me to take DD to a beautician for a proper makeup lesson (I don't know how to apply it myself). The Organiser enthusiastically then resolved to ask her mate (a qualified beautician) to come and give a few makeup lessons at the club, obviously open to anybody to join in, but esp. targetted to the eldst girls, thus achieving lots of good things in one swoop.

I can imagine the 4yo getting some makeup applied in that context, and not as sinister/sexualised/unsafe as some would make out.

Asinine · 18/05/2011 06:15

They've got the rest of their lives to choose (or not) to wear makeup, why start so early?

hophophippidtyhop · 18/05/2011 06:30

I wouldn't have been happy. Surely it would have been better to get out face paints which would have been a similar activity that could have involved both the boys and girls, as well as not being gender biased. If it was me, I'd be talking to them and putting this point of view across, if it's happened once, it's likely to happen again if no one complains.

JamieAgain · 18/05/2011 06:31

What SGB and saffy said.

Once is not harmful, but as a precedent set in a childcare setting, not on, IMO

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