... to think that because I can't see a new IPOAT thread I should start one myself?

[PrincessFiorimonde]

Especially as I want to wish CheerfulYank a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY for today. Hope you are having a lovely day.

And here is the patron saint of IPOAT playing Happy Birthday To CY!

Creeping parson shall be invaluable in the treatment of such persons. Clearly 'tis the plants signature. We can rid the world of a plague and save the purity of our gels < mad look in the eye> Perhaps we could blend a little with our fine cheese.

Jins - perhaps just a gentle push into a light fire might help, indeed? Or could he stumble and hideously fracture his limbs? Any might help. To wound is to heal. Remember.

I will reserve the maiming for later as I have found an excellent alternative which is causing him great anguish. As it was indiscriminate chatter that caused the problem in the first place I have made him go to the people concerned and tell them....

that he made a mistake

That hurts more than a fall into a fire or a stumble ever would for he is a man and therefore never wrong.

Must a foolish DH suffer fire and fractures? Surely if the transgression be mild a tisane, posset or tincture of Maiden's Thumb or indeed a light application of Maiden's Thumb would suffice?

Oh Miss Fiderer a maiden of your tender years, so busy with her denuding and tatting and yet to encounter the direct gaze of a male member, can know nothing of the requirements of guidance, nuture and maiming in marital relations.

Worry not, dear child, such things are far in the future for you. Concentrate on plying your needle and turning your ankle neatly.

Madame Jins, surely he did not lower himself to idle gossip?

Most unbecoming in a man. Men should remain silent and shoot harmless birds, when not dancing, clearing their throats and offering posies.

Mistress Hully, I ply. I turn. I await enlightenment with regard to the guidance, nuture and maiming required in marital relations.
Curiosity may well get the better of me.

Oh you have years of tatting and denuding ahead of you. Years. After three years we may let you have a little go on the Victrola, but only maybe.

Three Years? Maybe?

It's not easy being a maiden, Miss Fiderer It takes sacrifice and duty.

It's looking at me funny

Boggleboggle at Umami's picture, the barn knothole was maidenly tame in comparison.

What price sacrifice and duty now?

Hully it was worse than idle gossip. It was the provision of too much information to people that I quite frankly have no time for resulting in a genuine offer of counselling and advice from a woman I cannot abide. Needless to say he took the offer up on my behalf and made an appointment for us to meet up so that I could open my heart to her.

My refusal surprised him. He genuinely thought that I would be pleased that he had discussed my private affairs with people in a pub!

Maiming is too good for him actually but I am trying to move on

And someone has stole my Hugh Jackman picture haven't they?

The Lovely Hugh? Where?

Jins you are frankly ungrateful. Murmur your gratitude to him and let down your petticoats, then hie thee to the tavern for some sound woman a womano advice

A male member OF SOCIETY.

Hie thee to the washboard and scrub your tongue with lye soap.

male members are not there to be seen. I'm a strictly lights out lady.

I know I should but it was really personal stuff and I really dislike this woman.

Anyway it's Friday night and I'm looking forward to a lively night on the boards

MN is dead atm

I've got to go and smiley host

Jins. Stamp your foot and sneak a few drops of creeping parson into his drink.

Omeone has sent me a picture of The Lovely Hugh. Swooooooon