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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want 3 yr old DS to go on a day trip to the zoo with school. AIBU, DH says yes.

136 replies

pombal · 17/05/2011 19:28

DS1 3.5 yrs has the opportunity to go on a day trip to the zoo with school.
It will be his class (nursery) and the class above (reception), so about 22 children aged 3 - 5 years.
There will be 2 teachers and 2 assisstants going with them. The Zoo is an hours drive from school and they will leave at 9am and be back by 4pm.
We live abroad and it'll be hot.

I think he's just a bit too young for an all day outing in a big group like this, and we can take him to the Zoo another time.

DH is literally sulking that I won't let him go and has asked me to put it to the mumsnet jury.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
LillianGish · 18/05/2011 08:27

Let us know how they get on - I'd love to know if they actually lose any children, have a road accident, end up with loads of cases of sunstroke and dehydration.
"DS will really want to go, and I'm sure they'll do some sort of class work afterwards and they'll all be talking about it" - I think you are being unreasonable.
"I do vere towards the helicopter end of the parenting spectrum" - I think that says it all really! (Especially as you don't let him do swimming lessons either - has anyone actually drowned?)

LillianGish · 18/05/2011 08:29

I absolutely agree with you Lesley33.

leeloo1 · 18/05/2011 08:42

YANBU I agree, if your DH wants DS to go then he can go along and supervise, if he can't go then DS can't either.

When I was teaching I did zoo trips with my reception class, it was an exhausting day (for me as well as the children!). The ratio was 1:4 and each adult knew which children were their responsibility (obv I had overall responsibility). There was probably more time spent in toilet trips, having drinks, lunch, head counting than in seeing the animals, but they did all seem to have a fab time.

MegBusset · 18/05/2011 08:53

Yanbu, I did nursery trips with DS1 at that age but they all had at least one parent/carer per child.

CoffeeDodger · 18/05/2011 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lesley33 · 18/05/2011 09:06

Are you planning on staying in Portugal. If yes, please do think about whether you need to adjust your parenting style to ensure that your child can fit in with his peers.

timetomoveon · 18/05/2011 09:17

We're in Europe too and ds (3y2m) goes on all sorts of trips with his kindergarten since he started there 9 months ago. They usually walk to the underground station together and then get the underground train together. In fact you often see groups of children and teachers on the underground going on trips.
It has never occurred to me to not let him go on the trips, tbh. Actually they're going on a trip to a big park today and taking a picnic with them for lunch.

Portofino · 18/05/2011 09:19

lesley, you have a point there! My dd has been in school since 2.5. They have been on all manner of trips, many times on public transport Shock, sometimes on the school bus (which does have seatbelts but no boosters).

It is not uncommon for the whole class to go to the park, to the supermarket, to the local bakers etc. These aren't even classed as trips and no mention is made before hand. For the official trips, I have a letter saying that they are going and asking for money. It is not a permission slip. They are going.

In Maternelle, I COULD have kept dd home if I felt strongly. In Primary that is not permitted - too many odd days off without a doctor's note could lead to me losing my school place.

I am used to it now, but effectively I made my choice when I put dd in the Belgian education system. She does what they do, and despite some qualms about the different way of doing things, I now go with the flow.

jellybeans · 18/05/2011 09:20

YANBU
I let my DS go in reception but I was a helper anyway. However from age 5 I was happy for them to go anywhere. Go with YOUR gut feeling. 3 is very young. When ours went at nursery, parents went too. One of mine got 'lost' on a trip once as one of the helpers wasn't watching him properly. Luckily as he was 5 it wasn't as bad had he been younger and he was found fairly soon. I was very annoyed though when I heard about it!

duchesse · 18/05/2011 09:21

I don't know why but children of 3 in countries like France where they have a very strong nursery system seem a lot more grow-up and well-behaved that their UK counterparts. I wouldn't think of a bunch of 3 year olds as an out of control monster needing 1-3 attention. Maybe it's due to different expectations? I would think it unlikely that any of them would try to run away or climb into the bear enclosure and they would be fine. I do think that UK parents on the whole don't expect enough of their small children in terms of behaviour.

exoticfruits · 18/05/2011 09:21

I think it is a very important point to fit in with the norm(uness you are very short term resident).

Portofino · 18/05/2011 09:25

They go in 2s holding hands usually. It is sweet to see. They are on strict instructions to always stay with their partner and with the group. I have never heard of any problems.

duchesse · 18/05/2011 09:31
lesley33 · 18/05/2011 09:34

I wouldn't have agreed with you Duchesses before I lived abroad. But the children did seem more grown up and responsible, even when very very young.

I remember before my children started at nursery being in a park where there were 3 teachers? and about 15 what looked like 3 to 4 year olds. The children were running all over the small park with minimal supervision. Some even went outside the park which none of the teachers noticed - I was keeping an eye on them!

When it was time to go the teachers shouted to the children that it was time to go, stood up and began making their way to the exit. There was no head count. I was flabbergasted, but I soon found out that this attitude was common. Children of this age were expected to have a basic level of common sense and generally did have.

stickytoffeepud · 18/05/2011 09:35

why cant you go as a helper and your husband look after the other kid

although I have been a helper before on a zoo trip, and just took the little one as well

exoticfruits · 18/05/2011 09:36

I love to see them out and about in countries like France. We are much too precious in this country IMO.

Francagoestohollywood · 18/05/2011 09:36

YABU, this would be a totally routine day trip for their age here in Milan (though they don't go to zoos, favourite destinations here are usually farms with animals and the possibility of picking fruit or making biscuits with real flour!).

They won't come home dehydrated, perhaps over excited and tired. Believe it or not, children manage to survive in the Mediterranean weather.

lesley33 · 18/05/2011 09:36

And I agree that you didn't get children running off. I don't know if that was because of better behaviour or just that the children knew the adults wouldn't necessarily notice and run after them.

lesley33 · 18/05/2011 09:44

Although I do think that at 3, if children are provided with a bottle of water they should be perfectly capable of identifying when they are thirsty and having a drink - assuming they aren't SEN of course

Francagoestohollywood · 18/05/2011 09:47

Yes, and I think that here the teachers routinely offer them breaks to eat/drink/go to the toilet during the outings.

BadBagel · 18/05/2011 09:49

YABU
Your DS will have a great time and will sleep well that night. Both of mine went on school trips about 1 hours drive away at that age, they had hot weather and wet weather, they survived :)

I am Shock at cluttered "My DS went on a reception class trip to the zoo, I wasn't selected to be a parent-helper but went anyhow"

Fleurdebleurgh · 18/05/2011 09:49

Ive just had a letter home to say my child (4yrs) will be going on a school trip like your, its nursery and reception classes, and theyre out all day at a venue over an hour away.
Im not yet sure of the staff to children ratio- but when i enquired as to whether they needed parent helpers, was told that they dont take them without a CRB check.

Im a bit 'eek' about it all too tbh, BUT i will be letting him go despite my reservations.

FoxyRevenger · 18/05/2011 09:55

I think it would be a real shame to keep him home. He would have a brilliant time on a day trip with all of his friends!

They are all little kids, I am sure they won't be on the go all day, they will stop for lunch, snack breaks, drinks, toilet stops...

And really, if he comes home completely knackered...it doesn't matter does it?

Just thinking of him in class the next day with everyone talking about how brilliant the zoo was. Quite sad really.

SardineQueen · 18/05/2011 09:56

Not read whole thread.

DD went on a trip to a zoo type place with nursery when she was nearly 3. It was an all day thing. She had a wonderful time and is very excited about going this year.

However many of the ones her age didn't go as their parents judged them not ready, and parents were also allowed to go if they wanted so quite a few had a parent with them.

Also the ratio of staff to children was much higher than you have + there were some parents there as well.

I think you need to do what you think is right for your child. Does he want to go? Is the main question. At that age he'll have a view as to whether he wants to do it or not. Then you have to judge whether you think he is ready. Then how you feel about it.

Bonsoir · 18/05/2011 09:58

Yes, he is too little at 3 for this.

My DD's school did an outing to the circus when they were 3 and 4. It was a disaster!