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AIBU?

I don't want 3 yr old DS to go on a day trip to the zoo with school. AIBU, DH says yes.

136 replies

pombal · 17/05/2011 19:28

DS1 3.5 yrs has the opportunity to go on a day trip to the zoo with school.
It will be his class (nursery) and the class above (reception), so about 22 children aged 3 - 5 years.
There will be 2 teachers and 2 assisstants going with them. The Zoo is an hours drive from school and they will leave at 9am and be back by 4pm.
We live abroad and it'll be hot.

I think he's just a bit too young for an all day outing in a big group like this, and we can take him to the Zoo another time.

DH is literally sulking that I won't let him go and has asked me to put it to the mumsnet jury.

AIBU to say no?

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pombal · 18/05/2011 20:48

TIY - you have summed up my concern, it's the ratio rather than the suncream, coach journey etc.

kitbit - thanks good advice. I spoke to his teacher today, they are trying to organise another adult to go along, not cos of me I hasten to add. She also said it's a small zoo, not like a big city zoo and it's an easy trip for them to organise which has reassured me.

SummerRain - you are right,and I know he'll love going with his friends, but I honestly can't remember being 3 years old which is part of the reason I think the risks involved in these trips, however small, outweigh the benefits.

Anyway at the moment I have decided to let him go, in my heart of hearts I'm not 100% happy about it but since speaking to the teacher, I'm not worried enough to cancel work, and it would be mean to leave him at school whilst the rest of the class go.

Am going to give him a wristband, instructions not to run off and leave the teacher and see if I can persuade school them to take a couple more adults.

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JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 18/05/2011 17:37

it's not the trip to the zoo that's the special part... it's going with his friends and having a trip on a bus

Absolutely.

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SummerRain · 18/05/2011 17:29

I'd let him go.

ds1 did a summer camp with his older sister at 2/almost 3 and went on several half day trips and was absolutely fine, he still talks about those trips and enjoyed them so much. At least one of them was 5 hours long so not that much shorter than your ds' zoo trip

At some point you need to start trusting other adults with your child and before he starts school would be a good idea.

It's not the trip to the zoo that's the special part... it's going with his friends and having a trip on a bus and all the rest of what goes with a zoo trip. Of course he can go to the zoo with family, but you can't replicate the rest of the trip.

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kitbit · 18/05/2011 17:24

Oh, and write your mobile number in pen on his wrist and show it to him. They often give them wristbands anyway.

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kitbit · 18/05/2011 17:21

Ds went on a school trip in Spain aged 3. I lathered him in all-day-factor 50 and insisted on a hat (he is v pale). The first time I refused to let him go as the coach had no seatbelts but drove him there myself, and picked up at the end of the day.

Second time I spoke to the teacher to understand how exactly they would be shepherding the little ones, and because the coach was belted I let him go. Yes he wasknackered but they had regular breaks (ask about this too) and slept in the coach on the way back. This was a zoo trip.

Ask some questions and let them reassure you, and make sure you have long lasting suncream :o

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dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 18/05/2011 15:47

YANBU. If this was my DC I would want myself or DH to go too, too, too. How about you, you, you? Going to the zoo, zoo, zoo!

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doley · 18/05/2011 15:41

pink not a nice post .

The little boy in question is tiny ,op has valid concerns.

It is quite possible to feel safe for him while he is in the nursery setting ,while still expressing concern at a day trip .

I have supervised many day trips, here in the US and in the UK ,I wouldn't send my DD at 3.5 anywhere without a high adult to child ratio ...EVER !

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Blu · 18/05/2011 15:37

I would have let DS go - in fact he did go on trips with nursery. I don't think 3.5 is too young, really, if they are already at the nursery.

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thisisyesterday · 18/05/2011 15:33

pink... my dad did too.,

now he has skin cancer.

what a stupid, irresponsible post
you are still here DESPITE those things,. that doesn't mean it is sensible to do them Hmm

sending your child to nursery does not mean that you want to send them to a large public place with only 1 adult to 5/6 childrne.

what happens if one wants the toilet? how can you look after 5 3 year olds while one is in the loo, or do you leave them with someone else meaning that person then has 10-12 children to keep an eye on?

sunscreen and hydration are side issues here. the fact is that they do NOT have enough staff to safely look after that many children

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pombal · 18/05/2011 15:05

pink - sound advice, you are my new parenting guru.

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Angeliz · 18/05/2011 14:54

Very helpful post!

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pink4ever · 18/05/2011 14:52

When I was a kid I went out on hot days without factor 50 suncream and went without litres of water. Guess what-Im still here!!. Parents nowadays molly-coddle kids far too much.
Op if you are really worried about dc going on this trip then why bother taking him to nursery at all?(to be looked after by professionals).Just keep him at home tied to your apron stringsHmm.

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pombal · 18/05/2011 14:29

Lillian - LOL at land the helicopter :) Hope DH not reading this as that could catch on.

gkys - If there were a few more adults going I would feel better about it but i'm pretty sure there are no parent volunteers, there isn't usually.

I've just googled the Zoo website and it's a small zoo - no big animals, which makes me feel better.

I'm not really worried about the lack of booster seats in the coach and a professional driver in a big coach is prob safer than a sleep deprived me in an old banger, it's more that the distance makes it into a longer day.

I just still think an all day trip with a longish journey is unecessary at nursery but am faced with letting him go or him spending the day with the 5 - 6 year old class.

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luckylavender · 18/05/2011 13:57

I think YABU. At about this age my DS went on a school trip to a zoo - some of the parents weren't so sure and followed the bus and the party around the zoo. DS (now nearly 15) still talks about those stupid parents and how mortified he would have been if I had been so over-protective.

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Angeliz · 18/05/2011 13:29

I wouldn't let mine go at that age.
Some trips yes but that's young for a long trip and i don't like the ratio either.
Hope you and hubby don't fall out over it but i'm with you, too young!

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onebigchocolatemess · 18/05/2011 13:26

YANBU

Trust your gut, you know if he is ready for that kinda trip or not. My DS id 3.5yrs and i wouldn't let him

HTH

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gkys · 18/05/2011 13:22

OP trips are very well supervised,they will take parent volenteers, chilfren under five will be in groups of eight with three adults, five and overs groups of six with one adult, let him go he will love it, its not just where they are going, but the going with friends that makes it so exciting for him, don't let him miss out

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sheepgomeep · 18/05/2011 13:18

My dd has just been on a day trip to chester zoo with her nursery class. and reception. I had misgivings but she went anyway as there was a lot of parent helpers, 3 classroom assistant and two teachers. Each adult had a group of 4-5 children, all had wristbands with helpers mobile on it and the name and no of the school. They had to have sunhats and sunsceen on in case it was hot (it wasn't). It was well organized and that was the only reason why I let her go. As for the walking my dd can walk for miles and is used to it, we have a half mile walk to school everyday and often walk 3 miles into town. But I know not everychild can walk this far. I'm just lucky with dd

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PumpkinSnatch · 18/05/2011 13:06

CD supervision isn't going to make any difference if the bus crashes.
Starting to think I'm not as much of an overprotective mum as I thought as dd tends to sit in the luggage bit when we get the bus.

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LillianGish · 18/05/2011 12:28

I don't say you should never complain Pombal, but I think you need to pick your battles. Telling a Portuguese school you don't want your ds to go on a trip because the weather is too hot is a bit like telling a teacher in an English school you are worried it might rain. And saying you think it will be too tiring for him when the rest of the class is going and he evidently wants to go, or telling her you don't want him on a bus with a Portuguese driver and other Portuguese on the roads probably wouldn't go too well either. I don't mean to be harsh at all, I totally understand what it is like to bring your kids up in a foreign country where standards and expectations are different. I think if you are going to be in Portugal for the forseeable future then you will have to be Portuguese about it. And I would take enormous comfort from the fact that: "I do know DS is better behaved at school than at home". Land the helicopter - I'm sure he'll have a great time.

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COCKadoodledooo · 18/05/2011 12:10

Is the 4 school staff the totality of supervision? Because that sounds insufficient for me for that age group. If there were to be some parent helpers in addition then I'd probably let my child go. I trust the teachers at our school to ensure the children are hydrated and shaded.

Having said that, trips from our preschool were always accompanied by parents/carers.

I would be slightly concerned about transport arrangements too, would definitely want my child in age appropriate seating. Could you provide your own booster if that was the concern? Mind you, having seen Portuguese roads/drivers in action I can understand your concern! (travelled from Portimao to Lisbon in a day and saw no fewer 8 accidents, including 3 that looked to be fatalities Sad).

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Francagoestohollywood · 18/05/2011 11:30

Oh I see Bonsoir. No, it is really popular at least here in Milan. I have to say that we had a wonderful experience though, and it was all but dull (but then perhaps I am a boring parent? Grin).
The other day I took dd to say hello to her old teachers and it was like entering an idyllic documentary of childhood Grin

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valiumredhead · 18/05/2011 11:22

There would need to be many more helpers for me to even consider it and at 3 ds would still need an afternoon nap most days, so it isn't something I would be happy with.

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Bonsoir · 18/05/2011 11:19

duchesse - actually, PS is notorious for having a deleterious effect on "toilet training" as the children are required to go to the loo at set times. There has been some interesting press coverage by paediatricians about this!

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Bonsoir · 18/05/2011 11:17

Franca - a waste of time in general. It is unusual, in families that can afford to do so, to use PS to the full anyway - most children do mornings only (which is all DD's school offered, but that is totally exceptional) and it is very dull. I don't regret it, as it secured a place for my DD in the school I wanted her to attend, but no learning went on. She didn't enjoy it at all, and I don't think it served any useful purpose other than ensuring she saw other children because of course all children are at PS. It's a bit of a vicious circle, really.

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