Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being unreasonable to say no

56 replies

crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:44

I told my boyfriend to please not go on a stag do to ibiza 2 weeks after our baby is due...he wasn't very happy about it. I have been saving to be able to take maternity leave and had to cancel my booked holiday as the pregnancy was not planned and lost the money. am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
Newmummytobe79 · 17/05/2011 16:46

YANBU!

Does he realise that baby could arrive two weeks late?

Hope he has had time to think about it and now accepted it's a daft thing to want to do.

Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:48

I feel as if I am letting him down .... but I don't know either how I will be coping with the baby either. :(

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 17/05/2011 16:48

YANBU if money is tight. All these stag (and hen) dos that cost a fortune are the unreasonable ones if you ask me. After wedding gifts and possibly accommodation if you're not local then a stag you can spend more than £500. It is utterly ridiculous. Sorry, what I'm saying is I don't think YABU but I might be a teenie bit biased!

TimeWasting · 17/05/2011 16:48

YANBU. My first baby was 12 days overdue. Even if they come on time it's not fair.

What's his justification?

LittleMissFlustered · 17/05/2011 16:49

He's a bit of a knob for even contemplating going to be fair.

SenoritaViva · 17/05/2011 16:49

Sadly I think your boyfriend needs to understand that we end up sacrificing a lot as parents (due to money, time etc.) This is the first of many...

SnuffleTurtle153 · 17/05/2011 16:49

YADNBU! Our DS was 2 weeks late, I ended up being induced - if DH had even considered going away a month either side of this time I would have chopped his knackers off! And even if bub comes on time it's massively unreasonable and a bit horrible for him to bugger off on a lads jolly when he's less than a month old. God.

stickytoffeepud · 17/05/2011 16:49

how longs he going for

Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:50

none!! just said that as its end of june he's going.

OP posts:
Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:51

4/5 days stickytoffeepud

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/05/2011 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saffy85 · 17/05/2011 16:52

YANBU. For him to even think of going on holiday 2 weeks after the due date proves him to be a thoughtless selfish cunt tbh.

As others have said, baby could be 2 weeks (or more!) overdue. Does he not want to be at the birth? If not, that's between you and him, but to not sem to want to be around when his newborn enters the world is pretty shitty imo.

Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:52

btw thx guys...thought I was just being unreasonable and or even unfair ... thx again

OP posts:
SnuffleTurtle153 · 17/05/2011 16:53

Pfffffffffft. I have no useful advice. I'm just cross on your behalf. He is being a knob.

TimeWasting · 17/05/2011 16:53

Ah crunchie, he is the unreasonable one! How do you think you were being unfair?

Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 16:55

thought was being unfair by asking him not to go and leaving me on my own the first few weeks....dunno

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 17/05/2011 16:59

You need him there. He needs to step up.

Hassled · 17/05/2011 17:01

He has a lot to learn. Hopefully when the baby arrives he'll get the idea re responsibilities - I think some people need to actually see the baby before they realise that life has changed.

MintyMoo · 17/05/2011 17:01

YANBU. You could well be giving birth/still in hospital/still pregnant at that time. I was 15 days late, Mum was in hospital for 5 days afterwards - I wasn't feeding and couldn't be discharged. Not saying it'll happen to you but it's not beyond the realms of possibility, the chances of your baby arriving on the due date are slim.

Plus even if baby is 2 weeks old the last thing you want is to be alone for 4/5 days.

I really don't see why people can't just go for a 1 night piss up for their Stag/Hen do anymore.

The money and time for this Stag do are much better invested in you and your newborn.

ThePontypinesAreFriendsOfMine · 17/05/2011 17:07

You will be shattered. HE will be shattered. I'm talking the walking dead here. There is a reason why in some cultures mum and baby stay indoors / don't have visitors for the first 40 days after birth - you will literally be existing in your own little world and will need all the help and support you can get. It is incredibly shitty of your dp to essentially 'abandon' you during probably one of the most difficult times of your life. Unacceptable. End of.

And if he gives you grief, show him this thread. Wink

OI, CRUNCHIE9'S DP, SORT YOURSELF OUT MATE.

By the way, both of mine were 12 days overdue. First babies generally do go a bit over.

Sqee · 17/05/2011 17:17

I agree, show him this thread

shakes fist menacingly at crunchie9's DP

Original poster
crunchie9 · 17/05/2011 17:20

Thanks for all the advice and support.....feeling a lot better now!!!!

ThePontypinesAreFriendsOfMine thx for the advice too.... :)

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 17/05/2011 17:21

He has no idea what is about to hit him when baby arrives. He is living in cloud cuckoo land. You are not being even remotely unreasonable!

jeckadeck · 17/05/2011 17:23

YANBU and tbh he shouldn't even have planned to go around any time around then. My DH went away a month before my due date but that was to see family who he sees once a year (he's from overseas) during a family crisis and the decision was taken amid much hand-wringing. If he'd planned a lads weekend I'd have basically told him not to bother coming back. It's kind of understandable in a way that your OH might want to go and let his hair down one last time but surely he can see that two weeks after you're due isn't the time. You could still not have delivered, and if you have you'll be up to your neck in the most challenging bit of early pregnancy. Not sure how pregnant you are and this won't work if you're due quite soon but if you're not really far gone could he not have a quick break now? I realize its not the stag do, but its a compromise of sorts?

CinnabarRed · 17/05/2011 17:25

I wasn't prepared for how much my life would change after DS1 came; DP and I were so focussed on getting to term and then labour (I went into premature labour at 29 weeks and then again at 31 weeks, although medical intervention fortunately kept DS inside) that neither of us had really thought about what life would be like afterwards.

If your DP is similar, and (like me before mine were born) doesn't have any experience of newborns, then he may genuinely not understand why wanting to go on the stag do is so very unreasonable. But it would be unreasonable for him to go, so don't feel bad about putting your foot down.