to be gagging for a no-strings-attached one night stand?

[Celibacyisnotforme]

Excuse the pun...

Name changed for obvious reasons... and it's not even Friday but here goes!

It's been three months since soon-to-be-XH was unceremoniously kicked out and our decree nisi has just been approved. This sounds like a short time to be moving on BUT the last time we were intimate was before DD was born - two and a half years ago!! I cannot tell you how lonely and miserable it was to be locked in a marriage with no love or sex... no friendship either - only violence, but that's another story that I've posted about on here before.

So I've been unintentionally celibate for a looooooong time and now that I'm finally free all I want is some SEX! It has been too long since I felt the warmth of another body and I am completely smitten with the idea of some affection. I do NOT want to get into a relationship of any sort - I am so happy being an independant woman, with just DD and myself to think about - none of that Wifework for me! All I want is dinner for two, loads of wine, candles and a good hard pounding from a throbbing member... is that too much to ask?

Any ideas on how to go about getting this will be greatly appreciated...

[note to self - must stop reading Mills & Boon]

Thank you! Very picky :)

Sarah! Don;t get sucked in - that one is married! Don't be swayed by a knob like a bendy bus. Go for the sensitive single artist.

I wasn't sucking anyone anywhere, was just being nice.

knob may as well be a bendy bus, for all the use it gets.

Oh blimey. Doesn't your wife understand you?

She understands me fine, hence why I'm not getting any.

See, I wondered how long before the "hmmmm suspicious male talking about sex n that" would crop up.

I'm back. What the hell happened to my hot date??

Anyway, stopped off at my mums on the way back from nursery, and she was having her windows cleaned.
When I saw the unusually hot window cleaner up against the window:Criminally young, dark curly hair, t-shirt riding up to show 3 inches of flat toned stomach....I realised that my windows are absolutely fucking filthy and had to ask him to come and do mine next week.

I may start a new thread about what happens when he arrives and I am "accidentally" taking a bubble bath.
Ooops!

So he's coming round to do yours next week? Well done. Bet he doesn't need a Disney film set.

Oooh northern you go girl!

Don't worry Fell, my loins are well girded. And guarded. Sensitive single artist type seems to have buggered off. And inbox is very empty.

Fellatio, DW looks like Toni Braxton. Can you guess why I'm gagging frustrated?

Sarah you should put a pic on your profile. That might do the job.

Thanks Sarah! Unfortunately I would never have the nerve to shag the window cleaner.
One time this really fit bloke came to lay my lino. I had just moved in and my sofa was in the garage as I could get it in the house.
Fit bloke said "right, lets get this sofa in" in a really manly way, pulled out the most ENOURMOUS screwdriver and got my patio door handle off.
Then he very bossily helped my get the sofa in through the back way.(Ooo-er)

Then he was really chatting me up, asking me where I go out etc, and I became prim Victorian schoolmarm and just couldnt flirt at all!

Obviously, in my head I was licking his chest. Sigh.

Are we not going to mud wrestle for Gster then?

where is Gster, anyway? I think he's left me.

:( I would be the same.

Urgh no Fell, I am allergic to photos.

But would you PM a bloke you haven't seen? Right then, did you do your Mates Dates thing? Because if you did you can give the website and drop enough clues about your age, location, etc and let him (or anyone ) look for you without the embarrassment of actually doing it on MN.

Errr no I wouldn't

Do you mean GS? I did, briefly. Then I got cowardly and deleted it

I'm glad I'm not single, all this dating and trying to find someone not mental is a pain in the arse.

What's GS? I mean that Sarah Beeny website. It's called My Mates Dates or something.

Yeah but think about all that sex in sundappled clearings with strangers from the interweb tech

Hmmm, fantasies make up my sex life at the moment anyway!

Fellatio, its called mysinglefriend :)

That's the one.

The Guardian has a dating site? Is it populated by lentil weaving art teachers?

Guardian Soulmates. (GS)

I'm still here. But I'm a bit busy at work. When does the mud wrestling start ?