to be gagging for a no-strings-attached one night stand?

[Celibacyisnotforme]

Excuse the pun...

Name changed for obvious reasons... and it's not even Friday but here goes!

It's been three months since soon-to-be-XH was unceremoniously kicked out and our decree nisi has just been approved. This sounds like a short time to be moving on BUT the last time we were intimate was before DD was born - two and a half years ago!! I cannot tell you how lonely and miserable it was to be locked in a marriage with no love or sex... no friendship either - only violence, but that's another story that I've posted about on here before.

So I've been unintentionally celibate for a looooooong time and now that I'm finally free all I want is some SEX! It has been too long since I felt the warmth of another body and I am completely smitten with the idea of some affection. I do NOT want to get into a relationship of any sort - I am so happy being an independant woman, with just DD and myself to think about - none of that Wifework for me! All I want is dinner for two, loads of wine, candles and a good hard pounding from a throbbing member... is that too much to ask?

Any ideas on how to go about getting this will be greatly appreciated...

[note to self - must stop reading Mills & Boon]

Thingumy, it's what happens when you get married, isn't it?

im pondering about what kind of culinary arrangements are provided for dogging....BBQ anyone? mind those sausages...

im really do need to go and do some ironing....its all going a bit Benny Hill with my being here...
i am lowering the tone considerably.

I learned a new one recently - Seagulling.

Seagulling? Is that where you swoop down and nick your lover's bread, before shitting on her head?

Do I want to know what Seagulling is?

Oh you reminded me of a time when I was very cruel to a friend, Sarah. We must have been about 16 too, and knew theoretically what lesbians were. Anyway, we were in a group and she asked exactly what it was that lesbians do. As in, there's nothing to, ya know, put anywhere.

I also had no idea, and was going to say so, but everyone else just laughed at her, so I laughed too.

Vicar I am not sure, but if anyone offers you a peanut, I'd ask them to repeat themselves for clarity's sake

What does seagulling mean?

Don't make me look for it, am government employee on work laptop ,will get in trouble.

Psammed, I used to wonder what lesbians did. I still need to have a really good long study of what they do.

I remember blue waffles

I may know you Psam. Either that or it's not an uncommon question for 16 year old twits to ask.

tech you are ruiiiiining all your good work.

two versions.

I hasten to add I only hear about these things...

Version one, apparently , happens during dogging sessions, a spectator on the bonnet of the car ' releases ' themselves whist rubbing up and down on the windscreen.

Version two, involves ... well I'm sure you can guess

TLD surely that's what the internet is for?

Are we all going to get banned for this thread? It's a bit close to the bone.

I love the red deer detail. Such total shite.

In reality if you went on something like this, you'd turn up to find he was really sweaty or spotty or had terrible breath, you'd have no chemisty and you'd be stuck sitting for an hour trying to make conversation. Maybe you'd kiss him, because, well you'd made all that effort to meet up, and he would kiss like a washing machine.

Definitely not my kind of thing.

I remember grains of rice man

Well I did "embrace" the internet.

Yuck, Gster, who cleans the car afterwards?

Ewww.

I really can't guess,but please don't elaborate!

Grains of.. oh forget it.

Do you really know me?

Urgh and lolol

And then they nick all your fucking chips

Psammead.....i am kind of hoping that OP comes back to update us on her, erm, comeback ....

I don't understand the grains of rice man.

I reckon the next installment of OP love will be "he came, he saw, he conquered, he came again, he nicked all of my valuables while I had a lovely sleep. The prick".

comeback

comefront
comeside
comeswingingfromthechandalier

going now. really.