to be gagging for a no-strings-attached one night stand?

[Celibacyisnotforme]

Excuse the pun...

Name changed for obvious reasons... and it's not even Friday but here goes!

It's been three months since soon-to-be-XH was unceremoniously kicked out and our decree nisi has just been approved. This sounds like a short time to be moving on BUT the last time we were intimate was before DD was born - two and a half years ago!! I cannot tell you how lonely and miserable it was to be locked in a marriage with no love or sex... no friendship either - only violence, but that's another story that I've posted about on here before.

So I've been unintentionally celibate for a looooooong time and now that I'm finally free all I want is some SEX! It has been too long since I felt the warmth of another body and I am completely smitten with the idea of some affection. I do NOT want to get into a relationship of any sort - I am so happy being an independant woman, with just DD and myself to think about - none of that Wifework for me! All I want is dinner for two, loads of wine, candles and a good hard pounding from a throbbing member... is that too much to ask?

Any ideas on how to go about getting this will be greatly appreciated...

[note to self - must stop reading Mills & Boon]

Me either. I just assumed it was a reference to some obscure sex act I have never heard of. Like most of what I've learnt on MN

the only thing i can think of is gagging and no strings, you cant gag any one with out some string

Sarah, empty your bladder before reading THIS

Well I suppose you could stuff a sock in their mouth and duct tape them.

I think the gagging pun isn't referring to string in her mouth.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh obvious and only a man would have pointed it out

you found Brian and his Balls

I love you Bups

Golly it's kicked off here since this morning! Welcome token penis and may I say you sound vvv gorgeous... :)

So far - day from hell... XH took DD swimming on Sat and of course he kept her in the pool for hours and of course she spent all of last night being sick and waking herself up with her snotty nose... [sigh]... so I look more Night of the Living Dead than Sexy Sultry Seductress today... I'm going to need a PINT of that YSL under-eye stuff to hide the bags...

I actually have the perfect dress - i may have been into Warehouse the day after Kate was pictured shopping there and may just have walked out with the same dress she bought for her honeymoon... not that I'm a copycat, or anything, noooo - it was this one fashion.telegraph.co.uk/ispied/TMG2687/warehouse-tropical-bird-print-dress.html

With a white push-up bra under and smooth bare legs, it could work nicely! (Sorry - stockings at a picnic = wrooooong in my book... they'll ladder in five seconds flat and that's a waste of £5! )

I'll be home around 5h30 but it'll be straight to bath-book-bedtime, so I'll update - in juicy detail - as soon as she's asleep.

I'm actually quite excited... not nearly as nervous as I thought I'd be! Two and a half hours and counting... Yay!

And Gster has got the pun... well done, that man!

I am reading Brian and his Balls and it's just as brilliant as i remembered. Even scottishmummy forgets to be her usual detached/spiky self and joins in the debauchery

Just got a text from Bachelor Number Two - "Counting down the minutes until departure... see you in the forest, sexy! XXX)

Yippee!! :)

Obviously that is no supposed to be a bracket at the end... ... getting too excited to type...

Not sure how I feel about being the 'token penis' ... guess it's an improvement on Leslie Philips ( well hellooooo ) and the general kicking I've been receiving this morning .

But then what did I expect ! It's like accidentally wandering into the woman's lav.

Dress certainly works though. Much better than jeans and a linen t-shirt..

have fun, watch out for the creapy crawlies.

Thanks Gster!

Somehow I think it's not the eight-legged creepy crawlies I'll have all over me...

and and

is it real?

I hope not anyway... ...

"Counting down the minutes until departure... see you in the forest, sexy!"

IN THE FOREST???

Have you not SEEN Hollyoaks lately?

I love MN it is past midday after all ...

I don't watch Hollyoaks - why, what's happened?

Bloody hell, Brian and his Balls is..

Well I am not quite sure what to make of it!

It's shocking Psam. Shocking. That's what it is. And bloody funny too.

Not in that way, you understand.

Unless you would like it to be...

gster you havent been getting a kicking this is just friendly banter. i read Brian and his balls very odd and long. op you are not going off in to a deserted forest with some strange man are you?

In Hollyoaks, a girl went into the woods to meet an online prospect and she ended up brown bread

It IS sounding suspiciously Brian-like but I prefer to pretend that these threads are real. It, erm, helps later on...