To be dismayed at the increasing number of pregnant women I see smoking

[likingthespring]

I used to notice the odd one or two but I've seen loads recently. Maybe it's not that there's more women smoking in pregnancy but just more not giving a shit what people think.

Pink4ever... You can't know what another mother is thinking, you can only truly know your own mind and I know my friend found herself pregnant unexpectedly and couldn't/didn't stop smoking. She was in anguish, she kept trying to stop and failing. It caused her a lot of stress.

I'm sorry for any woman who loses their child or gives birth to a child that has health problems, but it isn't fair to project your own circumstances on the way other people live. Babies with poor health can and are born to mothers who have never smoked, healthy babies to smokers. It really is quite arbitrary, notwithstanding the risks of smoking that everybody knows.

bimbono5-thanks for your sympathy but thats not what Im looking for on here. And I think they are "relevent" actually=as I pointed out I was directly affected by smoking in pregnancy and this has had a aknock on effect to my dc.
Yes I am glad mums who smoked during pregnancy feel guilty-imo they should feel guilty as hell.Wherever did you get the idea that this wasnt how I felt?. Think I have been perfectly clear in my views. Not asking you or anyone ekse to agree with me. Doesnt matter.

Exactly- they 'dared' to exercise that choice- how fooking dare they! Evil wenches! You will be telling us next they are the type of disgraceful women who go out without their kids and have fun next!

Pink do you think your Mum was a terrible mother?

handsomeharry... And that is your business, why exactly?

People know the risks. Of the people I know who've smoked whilst pregnant, none were cavalier about doing so.

As you say, you're not ashamed to judge. I hope your children get their influences elsewhere.

bimbono5-are you talking about their choice to smoke? Yes that is their choice but it is not the choice of the unborn child.
Your remark about women going out and having fun is laughable. Really -try harder.

What disgusting and patronising replies to pink4ever! Just because she - quite rightly - thinks smoking in pg is wrong!

What are you talking about Bimbo?

Are you comparing 'going out' with smoking whilst pregnant?

I do not understand the point you are making as I do not see the connection between the two.

Advocating not smoking whilst pregnant is hardly a revolutionary idea surely?

bimbono5-in answer to your question-I am currently estranged from my mum. No she wasnt a terrible mum-she wasnt a very good one either. I dont think she was terrible because she smoked but I do think that choice was irresponsible and selfish.

What a topsy turvy world we live in when women who judge women for smoking are being chastised for judging yet the women who smoke during pg and cause damage to their babies through their selfish habit are being defended!

Amazing!!!!!! Think I'll go elsewhere as that is truly ridiculous

That's right Lying my children are really suffering because I express an opinion on an internet forum.

PMSL.

I hate to be judging other mothers but this is one time I just think it's a good thing to judge. People judging women smoking during pregnancy has probably made some women feel guilty enough to stop so vive the judging in this case! Let's face it it's a shitty thing to do, I don't care how strong addiction is. It's not an excuse. Beat it. Many people do without being pregnant. Love for your child should be stronger, otherwise rethink having children.

Oh and lyingwitch I would rather my children grew up viewing smokig as unacceptable than having to tell them thy I was a mum who selfishly smoked whilst carrying them even though it is so harmful.

What a ridiculous right some people on here are defending!

"Lying"-I hope my dcs will grow up to be able to take responsibility for their actions and not try and justify or blame others for selfish behaviour. And we all judge-thats life.
Smoking in pregnancy is selfish and I will repeat this ad nauseum. Nothing that is said on here will change my mind on that.

I almost wonder if theyre just enjoying winding us up.... Nobody can really think it's ok (and a lesser crime than judging).

I smoke. (outside) my children know its unacceptable and bad for you. I don't tell them anything else other than I hope they never start. But, when they become adults, it becomes their choice. My parents smoked. They were, and are, wonderful parents.

I AM a good parent. I hope my children, if they wish to have children, become good parents too.

OP, YANBU. My mum was - is - a very heavy smoker and smoked during her pregnancy and while we were babies/children. I was very premature and poorly at birth (this was the early 70s btw) and suffered horrendous chest infections/bouts of pneumonia as a child. I spent most winters up until my teens with almost permanent bronchitis. My mum would not admit under torture that her actions had anything to do with it (according to her, I am "weak chested"). She wasn't a bad mum at all but a product of her times and ignorant and uneducated about the dangers of smoking.

BUT, knowing what we know about smoking, I would judge anyone who didn't at least cut down on smoking whilst they were pregnant. You know it's bad for your baby and refusing to stop just indicates that you don't give a fuck about your baby.

Since nearly everybody knows that smoking whilst pregnant is risky, to judge women for doing it, when it doesn't affect you one iota, is petty. It's not achieving anything other than a flurry of posts on a mildly inflammatory thread.

I said that in my first post so I'll leave it there. Live and let live. :)

k999-I dont doubt you are a good mother but you would be a better mother if you gave up smoking.You know this. Smoking outside is not enough-your hair/breath etc must stink of it. Also you are possibly shortening your life and therefore robbing your dcs of their mother.
I am sure you have probably tried to give up-please try again.And keep trying.

It seems to me that judging is fast becoming the worst crime you can commit in the eyes of many MNetters. Go out and shoot people, blow stuff up, torture puppies and kittens - as long as you don't judge anyone else while doing it, you're all right

lying-are you purposely ignoring my posts? smoking in pregnancy did directly affect me and then affected my child so forgive me for being "petty".

Yes, you're right. It probably will shorten my life. Although, my DPs granny is 94 and has smoked all her life! I once read an article which said that smoking cuts off ten years of your life. I am figuring that this will be the ten years where I am pissing myself and can't remember who my children are, so perhaps not so bad after all.....

Didn't get time to reply earlier. I was being judgy as some have said but I make no apologies for this. I can't help it. I see it and I feel sick. I personally know how hard giving up smoking can be but my God if you truly cared about your unborn child, knowing the overwhelming evidence, you'd give it up surely? There's definitely a culture nowadays of 'my personal gratification is more important than anything else'.

pink4ever... No, I'm not ignoring your posts. You're estranged from your mother, you feel aggrieved, understandable. Those are you own personal circumstances.

I think it's petty to judge other people though. You don't know their circumstances and it is really pointless anyway because whatever you might think, they will do things their way.

My mother smoked during pregnancy, none of us were born presenting with problems. As I said, it really is a lottery, albeit that one can possibly tip the balance in their favour by not smoking during pregnancy. Most everybody knows the risks by now, beating people over the head with them achieves nothing.

k999-well I hope that you are one of the lucky ones. I lost both my beloved gps far too young due to smoking. At least they had the excuse that in their day they didnt know the risks. My nana finally gave up 2 years before she died-damage was done by then but at least she died beholden to nothing to and noone.