To be dismayed at the increasing number of pregnant women I see smoking

[likingthespring]

I used to notice the odd one or two but I've seen loads recently. Maybe it's not that there's more women smoking in pregnancy but just more not giving a shit what people think.

I smoked through both pregnancies. Cut down to about 5 a day. Both DDs are perfect and I am a loving mother.

Cutting down is good. :)

Sorry but I was told by my doctor not to give up when pregnant with ds. He asked how many I smoked before I fell pg. I said 20 a day and he said the stress of giving up can be more harmful to the baby than smoking up to 5 a day so aim for that. Luckily I had managed to give up without any problems before he said this and I was a bit about his advice but then I live in France and they have a very different attitude to it over here.

With dd, I tried everything in my power to give up and for the majority of the pregnancy I did but at 37 weeks, after 7 weeks of labour that couldn't be stopped but wasn't productive, I reached the end of my tether and had a few cigarettes. I have never forgiven myself for it and I hate myself everytime she has a cold. On the other hand, my friend's dp forced himself on her and then left her when she fell pg, she now has a 1yr old and is about to have #2 any day and I don't blame her for not being able to give up. She smokes around 5 a day and I wince whenever she talks about it but I can see why she can't stop. She is filled with guilt about it but unfortunately she is falling apart and 'need's this crutch. I don't condone it but I can't judge her for it.

Its always your decision, but that Doc was actually an idiot for telling you that.

A doc friend of mine said that smoking does not have any irreversible effects on the baby until the third trimester, but he also said no one should smoke.

am a pious ex smoker, hate the smell, but think they should allow in it pubs that way i don't have to cross over every copuple of mins to avoid the smoke, THE SMELL IS VILE smoking when pregnant is abhorant, they are no plus points, AND NO EXCUSES.

It makes me angry as anything; I don;t in any way think I have a right to say a word about it but does upset me. I;ve tried everything to help the boy's develop well, follwoed every guideline and yet none of them is really NT (ds4 regressing atm, ds1 and ds3 ASD, ds2 dyspraxia). The idea that some people will willingly risk the crap that can some from a low birth weight (ds1 was 5.5lbs due to pre eclampsia) is beyond my understanding and I am sorry, much as I really do try and be tolerant I just cannot equate refusing to at least try and not smoke with being a good parent.

I know how many other things can cause issues (research year of a health related MA so really do know!) but avoidability is the issue imo. For most people exhausts etc are impossible to avoid; shoving a fag in your mouth and lighting up is.

But it's not rocket science though, is it? Smoking is an incredibly unhealthy thing to do to your own body so how can anyone even begin to believe it cannot harm an unborn child?!

My mother was a classic example of a smoker who was in total denial about the effects of smoking on others. She smoked so much in the house that when my Dad who was asthmatic went to his clinic appointments, the doctor advised him that he "really must stop smoking" as his test results were so poor - and yet he was a non smoker.

When he told my mother this, she bought some ridiculous 'air filter' thing that was utterly pointless but it was only years later that she finally started to at least smoke in a separate room to him! She would never admit that smoking was bad for you and got really shirty with anyone who asked her politely to even move her cigarette away non-smokers.

I was adopted so not subjected to 40 a day in the womb at least but I remember spending Saturday nights lying on the floor watching TV with my parents because it was marginally less unpleasant as there was a draught that came under the door with fresh air. When we decorated, the walls were always yellow.

So forgive me if I have no patience with smokers but in my mind it is just pure selfishness when one person's smoking inconveniences anyone else in even the smallest way, never mind when that person is in charge of their entire oxygen supply.

As parents, there will always be things that cause dismay. For me, it is seeing children being shouted at or hit. It makes me ill. Yes, I smoked but that does not make me an unfit mother.

K999

Probably, I don't claim balance in assessing risk factors: in my world low risk seems to be absolute certainty every single time!

Is there anybody in the Western world who thinks that smoking during pregnancy is good? I doubt it very much. What is the purpose of threads like this? Is it just to make the OP feel good because they can have a pop at pregnant mothers who smoke. What's the point of it? If they haven't given up in the early stages or before then they're not going to just because some judgey women pull faces at them.

Why not just be glad that you don't/didn't smoke during pregnancy and that your children are alive. Why poke your noses into what other people do all the time when nobody is going to change their behaviour based on what random chatboard people think? I really don't understand it at all. Yes the risks are there but the the outcome is fairly random. Some smoking/drinking/obese mothers give straightforward birth to thriving, perfect babies. Others who have lesser risk factors perhaps, don't have healthy babies.

AIBU is never about an OP's behaviour anymore, it's always about other people's. That says quite a lot really. it must be the sum total of what some women are... judgemental, just that.

Great post LWITW.....

These anti smoking threads are full of holier than thou,sanctimonious ,I'm a better mother than you bollocks

Wait for me UsualSuspect...I'll join you!

I haven't really noticed lots of pregnant smokers

That's because if they have any morals the will hide away out of the publics judgement gaze....

LWITW and UsualSuspect
Wait for me while I grab my tobacco..

Well said LWITW.

The majority of non-judgmental attitudes on this thread pleasantly surprise me, not that I am in favour of smoking while pregnant and not giving a shit - before I fell pregnant (not planned, did not find out until 7 weeks gone) I smoked 0-10 a day and many more if I was out having a drink with friends, and obviously I was smoking as usual in the first 7 weeks before I knew I was pregnant.

As soon as I found out, I was convinced that I had damaged my baby through my behaviour to date, and resolved to quit smoking, never drink again, etc etc. It wasn't that simple, and I will readily admit to anyone who asks that I did have a cigarette perhaps once a week or more up to my 20 week scan, and also a drink from time to time (I'm talking a large glass of wine or two at a time also once or twicea week). I knew all the risks.

Perhaps it was sheer chance, but when I had my 20 week scan the sonographer managed to get an incredibly clear picture of my little girl - I could see the details of her spine, her face, she looked like a little sleeping baby - and after that, I simply could not smoke. It was not a conscious decision, no 'oh shit, now I feel terrible so I won't do it' - I just couldn't. Now she is a lively and beautiful 10 month old, and although I now smoke between 1 and 5 cigarettes a day, I always leave the house and never smoke around her.

But how attitudes have changed - when I visited my dad recently, I said I wanted to have a cigarette (we were outside having a barbecue) and I went to walk away from the gathering. My dad said 'don't be ridiculous - we're outside, it's no big deal'. My dad is a non-smoker.

Anyway - I'd heard all the horror stories of heavily pregnant women smoking and drinking but I have to say - I never saw a single obviously pregnant person smoking at any time during my pregnancy and I'm genuinely surprised that OP is seeing it so frequently. No matter people's personal opinions about what is or is not acceptable in one's own home regarding one's own body, I do not think it is socially acceptable to be seen smoking when pregnant, and for good reason.

Totally agree with pink4ever

Smoking in preg is wrong, irresponsible, selfish, disgusting and women who do it should be ASHAMED of themselves

And I sy this as an ex smoker who was very addicted but went through the hell of giving up because IT IS NOT FAIR to inflict this on an unborn child

Totally disgusting and I totally judge women who do it and think they are awful. I bet if you asked their children when they grow up too they wouldn't be happy that they had done it.

Women who smoke when pg are lettin their baby down - it's disgusting

LadyBeagleEyes... I'm an ex-smoker and I was terrified of giving up because I thought I'd fail. I actually had a really easy time of it, three weeks of difficult, then it was a breeze. I know it's not that way for everybody, I was just extremely lucky.

When I see smokers now, I don't judge them, I'm just thankful that I don't smoke anymore and am grateful for my easy time. :)

I dislike 'league table' mothers more than I can say.

Oh and it's not about being sanctimonious - smoking when pg is so wrong that I am aghast at how many people are bleating on about not judging others and it's nobody's business blah blah - how can people NOT judge this?! I am amazed and saddneded at how many people think this is 'ok' because 'we should not judge women who selfishly harm their babies by smoking'

Hairfullofsnakes....don't hold back!

Ps I have done lots in my life to be ashamed of....but I don't really judge others for the choices they make....why should I?

I wish I was as perfect as you.....

Lots of perfect parents on MN,K999 ...

I'm one of them