To be dismayed at the increasing number of pregnant women I see smoking

[likingthespring]

I used to notice the odd one or two but I've seen loads recently. Maybe it's not that there's more women smoking in pregnancy but just more not giving a shit what people think.

Nah, I didn't give a shit about my unborn children when I smoked.

Stupid statement. The majority of smoking mothers try again and again to quit. It's not that easy. Luckily, now NRT is able to be prescribed to pregnant women. No help of any sort was offered to me. Luckily, I have 4 happy, healthy and well adjusted kids who I have been a bloody good mother to. Oh, and I quit smoking just over a year ago using Champix.

Can I just ask, are all of you who are anti-smoking in pregnancy and think these women just dont care for their kids, did you all BF your child for the first six months of their life? or maybe did some of you try to BF and not manage it because of pain/circumstances/lack of support? does that then make you a crap mother because you didnt manage to BF - NO IT DOESNT. Neither is someone who hasnt managed to give up smoking during their pregnancy - they may be trying to give up but may be living alone, with other young kids to care for, have an abusive partner, be under a lot of stress at work, there may be any number of reasons why they havent given up smoking, you just dont know peoples circumstances, which frankly, you have a right to judge. Giving up smoking is HARD, nigh on impossible without the right support, not being able to manage to do it during an incredibly stressful life event like having a baby does not make someone a bad mother.
I am in no way condoning smoking during pregnancy, but I dont feel that a total stranger has a right to judge anyone as being a bad/unfit mother , just because they are smoking while pregnant.

Well MotherPanda, it must be nice to be so perfect. And no, humanity isn't an excuse, just a reason.

I agree with strawberry too, smoking doesn't necessarily make you a bad parent. If you have tried to stop smoking, understand the risks and have at least cut down as much as you can then you are trying to put the needs of your baby first.

What struck me about watching 'Misbehaving Mums' is how smoking is very much a cultural thing - most people who smoke have partners and families who smoke. And if the people around you don't help it must be very difficult to stop when you are addicted.

The people who will be bad parents are the ones that insist, despite overwhelming medical evidence, that they know best and smoking 40 a day is good for the baby, so don't try to stop.

I have not said that smoking makes you a bad parent.

I have not said that I am perfect, only that I do not use my humanity as an excuse for my short comings.

I think a lot of the pro smoking arguments are from people on the personal defensive who know that they should stop, but don't quite have the will power to do it. I think they feel guilty. Am I very wrong?

Rogersmelly - formula feeding isnt harmful to your baby, so its a bad comparitive. We all understand it is hard, and think smokers are all lucky to have access to support. So why dont they all use it, and why dont they stop? None of us have claimed to be perfect.

MotherPanda, my apologies. I assumed someone who saw fit to label someone a bad parent who didn't care enough about their child based upon one thing, without knowing anything else about their situation, must themselves be perfect. And regarding your last point, no I don't smoke, never have.

I finished a friendship because the girl kept smoking throughout her pregnancy and would smoke while holding the baby. The poor boy had sleep apnea and nearly died a couple of times. He now has very bad allergies. She says it is genetic. I told her what I thought knowing that it would probably end our friendship. I had to say something and I am still concerned about her boy.

As for smoking being hard to give up, I have to disagree. Once I had decided I wanted to quit it was very easy to stop. What I found hard was the constant sinus infections, colds and fatigue. It took a year for these things to go away. I knew smoking was the reason for these problems and if I had the urge for a cigarette I just thought back to the month long cold I suffered from after quitting. I had tried to quit before but I was doing it to make others happy.

Someone mentioned the proposal to make smoking illegal while driving with children. I think any activity that involves taking one hand off the steering wheel for more than a moment while operating a moving vehicle should be illegal. So I would include smoking, eating, using a mobile phone handset, programming a GPS or switching CDs.

YANBU.

to those who are so cool, accepting and non-judgemental. Don't think the OP was advocating going up to said women and telling them off but she's perfectly bloody entitled to judge their wilfully daft behaviour.

Oh, and I say that as someone who had an unplanned pregnancy at a very bad time where I was under lots of pressure and still managed to give up smoking the minute I saw the little blue line (luckily it was extremely early on).

Excellent post by Rogersmelly.

MP - I don't think anyone is 'pro smoking' in pregnancy. And actually there are risks to formula feeding, it can be harmful. The risks of course aren't as serious as from smoking and I don't think rogersmelly is trying to compare smoking in pg to FF, just pointing out that sometimes even though you know something is the best thing for your baby you're not always able to achieve it, that doesn't make anyone a bad mother. Correct me if I'm wrong Rogersmelly, I don't mean to talk to for you.

I have given up smoking for every one of my pregnancies, the first 3 I gave up the day I found out and found it very easy. But this time I found it really, really hard for some reason. I cut down a lot but continued to smoke for 2 weeks after finding out and I only stopped because the morning sickness kicked in and I couldn't face cigarettes anymore.

Know most people will disagree but someone I know was actually told not to stop smoking while pregnant with her first child due to a family member dying and was told to cut down, but not to stop as the extra stress could cause her to miscarry. So although I disagree with the principle of smoking, you never know the circumstances behind their smoking.

Revolting.

But even more revolting are people who smoke in cars when their children are present.

I can understand (just) how difficult it is to give up smoking totally in pregnancy.

I cannot understand how anyone can be SO desperate for a cigarette that they absolutely have to light up in the car, thus forcing their children to spend time in a fume-filled box. Now THAT'S selfish.

yabu. Much worse things happen.
I have never smoked, btw, for those who would otherwise jump to conclusions!

OP YANBU.

I was in hospital for complications when pg with DS and the girl in the bed next to me was also in for a different medical problem. We were unable to sleep, crying, in pain and terrified that our unborn babies would die (a real risk in both cases). Both of us had observed all the usual pg guidelines.

The girl in the bed opposite us had no health problems. She had just been admitted for induction as she was overdue. I would see her going out to smoke and coming back in stinking of smoke (her bf - baby's dad - was smoking beside her). It absolutely broke me to watch her/them totally disregarding the health of her unborn child. It was many years ago and it is one of the things I can't seem to forget.

Smoking in pregnancy is a bad choice. It's not something that can be disputed. I understand that some people do smoke in pregnancy and feel guilty about it - I don't judge them at all - sometimes life can be very difficult. But those who just don't give a shit - well I'll judge them and inwardly think that they don't deserve to be pregnant.

Pesha - you said it perfectly for me thankyou.
And OP, YANBU for being dismayed, my message was to the holier than thou crowd who judge someones parenting based on a single factor.

Once again alot of liberal claptrap being spouted on mn.YANBU-I will judge my arse off at pregnant women who smoke-they are twats. Would you be going on about how hard it is,addiction blah blah blah,if they were standing outside the hospital sticking heroin needles in their arms?-dont fucking think so.
And to the poster who talked about smoking in pregnancy to alleviate stress-having 3 msc and losing 3 babies in late pregnancy is a tad stressful-didnt make me want to light up a ciggie. My sister on the other hand puffed 20 a day during her pregnancy(despite previously having a msc) because she was "stressed".
Disgusting,selfish behaviour.Inexcusable imo.

YANBU for being dismayed that unborn children are being put at risk by their mothers' choices. I am amazed people are surprised you should feel that way. Are we supposed to be so uncaring about others that we have no emotional reaction to seeing them put themselves at risk, never mind someone else!

IMO it is equally dismaying that so many young women are even starting smoking given the amount of evidence there is about the health risks (and anti-smoking education). I understand it is hard to stop once you are addicted but that doesn't stop it being sad that the poor reasons for starting are more attractive than the solid reasons for saying no in the first place.

Smoking while pregnant is tantamount to child abuse IMO.

Ignorance is one thing but stupidity quite another. Neighbours: 'aww, we have to take the baby back to hospital as his bronchitis just won't go'. Well, how about not smoking in the house then? I also don't give a shit if people smoke themselves to death - none of my business. But it pisses me off if they have to chain-smoke in the same room (or car for that matter) as their kids. Who are ill.

It is summer. By all means, go and smoke but can you not afford your children the respect and well-being they deserve and smoke outside? Dont get it, really dont.

Smoking whilst pregnant is abhorrent, why take the risk

P.S i quit the day I found out so Im not on a soap box I realise its difficult.

VeryStressed, I think the thing about being told by your doctor not to give up because it would be more stressful and harmful to your pregnancy than the actual cigarettes, is an urban myth started by Kerry Katona, the Queen of irresponsible chav mums. I don't believe any doctor would actually say that and anyone who claims otherwise has twisted their doctor's words. Cue barrage of women claiming otherwise.....

Through three pregnancies, generally the mothers I have met in hospital who smoke are thick, ignorant, chavs who even when their babies were born were more interested in when they could next go for a fag than look after their new babies. May not be a very nice thing to say, but it's a fact!

I agree completely with pink4ever - smoking while pregnant is just selfish. All this crap about addiction blah blah blah - if the women cared enough, they'd find the willpower to give up. They really would. The bottom line is that if you smoke while pregnant, you care more about satisfying your own desires than you do about taking care of your child, however much you want to present it as otherwise.

Personally, I object to having to hold my breath to walk through clouds of smoke outside my local maternity hospital while going for antenatal appointments. Or when going into the SCBU every day for 3 weeks to spend time with my son.

I really don't know why the management don't actively make people go somewhere less public to smoke, whether it's pregnant/new mothers or fathers. Is it the same in other hospitals or is it just mine? You literally trip over smokers right at the front door.

Saw a couple waiting for a lift with their new baby as I was leaving to go home one night. Both were puffing away and there was the wee car seat sitting in the middle of the fog. Really, really sad.

The chances of a child being stillborn are 60% higher if the mother smokes.

Just thought i would add that in there.

Can i just say though, education is key here, if people are given facts, they can make their own informed choice. Lets not be judgy, just give info when its asked for (except my little stat, of course :) )