to think that people who have young children aren't in a position to know whether it is harder not to have older children or teenagers?

[Anice]

but on the other hand people who have older children have been in both situations and can compare?

exactly goblinchild - so from a sleep point of view it is easier

"When they're older they start making their own food, while you're cooking the sodding dinner and you turn into your own Mother yelling at them "why can't you just wait 20 mins"."

Seriously though - is that harder than ignoring your unhappy toddler howling while you do it, or holding her in one arm while you chop cucumber wiht one arm? If it is, I really can;t see how

I have solved that problem Stealth. Baby is in bed by 6pm, we have dinner at 7pm!

Not possible here!
-She would howl while I make their dinner
-This was actually a sandwich for lunch the next day - if I leave it until after they have gone to bed it's really late and

• it can take a good hour to settle them in the first place and one or both can be up a few times before we go to bed. Not always, I admit. But enough so we never get complacent and assume that time is ours.

and lastly

• 6pm?? Despite being up around 6am I could never get my DCs in bed for then - don't know how you manage it!

People with older children forget what it is like with babies and younger children. My dcs are 7 and 4 (only) but I have already forgotten, blanked out more likely, the baby years.

I had 4 DC in 5 years (3 under 2.5 ) and it was physically exhausting..but fun...
All teens now, one 'tricky' DS others pretty easy as teens go, but oh the emotional exhaustion is so much harder to cope with than the sleepless nights.
A teething baby can have calpol, but a daughter so stressed at Uni that she has become anorexic.. that's a heartbreaking pain that is much harder to cope with, and which takes more skills than I ever knew I'd need. Another teen uncertain of her own future choices and frightened for her sibling...

Add in the daily grind of being 'Mum's taxi' , still awake at 2am because I need to know they are safe and sound, the terror of watching your child behind the wheel of a car.. still being needed but no longer in control...

I think parenting at every age is HARD but for myself parenting my teens has stretched me to my emotional limits in a way that I never anticipated..babies were easier...

"blueshoes Fri 13-May-11 22:58:09
People with older children forget what it is like with babies and younger children. My dcs are 7 and 4 (only) but I have already forgotten, blanked out more likely, the baby years."

I disagree - I don't believe we forget - we gain perspective, we remember how we felt but also realise when the madness seeped in, and what actually mattered rather than what we thought mattered - (my kids are 6, 10, 13 and 16)

MrsKwazii "Little children - headache. Big children - heartache"

This is so true.
I work with small children and I would rather tackle a room full of 3 year olds than face another confrontation with DD14.
I love her to bits but she is such hard work

please can one of you mums with older children come and make this sandwich for me i am struggling as DD is just screaming to be picked u[p

Oh no, it must be even harder for you all to amke one

You ok stealth?

I don't think people should treat it like a competition. Firstly, some teens will be harder than some toddlers and vice versa.

It also depends on the parent's attitude.

On top of that, I can't see why someone would actually want their situation to be difficult.

I think it depends on a lot of things in terms of advice giving.

I mean, if the advice giver works with teenagers, then their advice may be good even if they do only have small children.

Stealth

screaming is noise - put her in another room, close the door, go and make your sandwich and fine

watch the clock at 2am when your DD was supposed to be home at 12

Daisy I dont work with teenagers or have any teenagers but I still think I'm able to give sensible advice on problems that may arise with teenagers. I am an adult. Why should my advice have any less merit just because i've not actually been there yet. Like for example a thread about someones teenager smoking. I posted a reply giving an idea on how to try and put them off. Am I to be dismissed immediately just because I only have a 4 year old and a 16 month old? Bit mean really.

But then again I also dont screw my nose up when my childless sister gives me advice about my two.

Ferret, I was giving an example of when advice may be sensible. I was not attempting to provide an exhaustive list. I am not mean. I am quite nice.

Of course some childless people can also give sensible advice. Same as some people with children can give ridiculous advice.

I apologise for any offence caused.

No no I didnt mean you were mean!! I'm so crap at wording things!
Just people who think that I dont know anything about teenagers or that I am so lacking in empathy that I cannot imagine a situation and give my humble opinion on them!

You didnt cause offense it's the people that think just because I have children that havent started school yet then I should just keep it zipped that wind me up.

Agreed!

I am very lucky, love it all what ever age, each stage is just different, hence so many dc's! hardest part I find is when they go to Uni, letting go, trusting to all the work you have put in and hoping they will cope, and they do, then feeling unneeded - till it's the early hours and they have run out of cash, and quick mum can you lend me --- and can you transfer it now pleeeeeeese?

The period of time when I had 3 kids aged 3 and under was deffo the hardest time of my parenting life. I was just sooooo tired and everything had to be planned with military precision.

There are challenges with teenagers, but (a) I get 8 hours unbroken sleep a night (b) They can wash/dress themselves and get themselves to and from school (c) you don't get 'the witching hour' anymore/tantrums (d) they are useful in the supermarket (when they deign to come) and (e) you can bribe 'em to do stuff that you don't want to with the promise of a mobile phone top up/itunes voucher.

Stealth when you get to the cupboard to make the sandwich with teens - the breads all gone and the cheese and half the time your change - seriously.

I have 6 children - all lovely aged 18-2. Give me the toddler on my hip anyway. No where near the stress

Stealth when you get to the cupboard to make the sandwich with teens - the breads all gone and the cheese and half the time your change - seriously.

I have 6 children - all lovely aged 18-2. Give me the toddler on my hip any DAY. No where near the stress

(silly phone!)

When my DS was 2 and DD1 4mo, we were at a wedding and had such a sh*t day as I was constantly running after ds with dd1 jigging in my arms as he kept running away from me without warning. A fellow guest had the cheek to tell me I had it so easy - wait until they're teenagers!

I could go back and tell this stupid woman my children are almost teenagers and I've never endured hardship like I did that day - I should have told her not to judge my children by her children's standards, but hindsight is a great thing!

its all about perception i think. i wouldn't go back to the days when my kids were small - not for anything.

ive had troubles with my teens - drugs, running away, stealing, failed exams, unemployment. but non of it for me was as hard as the grey end of life feeling the hopelessness, drudgery and pure slavery to those kids - i hated every single milisecond.

I have to agree with Custy- I wouldn't go back for all the tea in China (as they say). I love having older children. Dd1 is almost 15, and dd2 is ten. I worry a bit about her reaching puberty and her teens, because she has severe special needs and it will be hard. But on the whole, this phase is more "me" than any of the others.

I just laugh in a crazed manner when.people whinge about their under 5/8/10s.....they have No Feckin Idea what's to come :o