to think that people who have young children aren't in a position to know whether it is harder not to have older children or teenagers?

[Anice]

but on the other hand people who have older children have been in both situations and can compare?

I'm waiting to see about teens, but certainly at the moment parenting is far far easier than it used to be. Mine are 11, 9, 7 and really rather easy and delightful compared to the preschool years.

And nothing was ever as hard as pregnancy and childbirth, for me it got easier all the way from there. I know I'm unusual in that. I hate pregnancy, am terrified of childbirth (despite 3 "natural"-ish) births) and love newborns.

Dp's brother and sister, both with teens, actually say it's easier with teens than when they were small. and you can see that their lives are easier. They happen, perhaps, to have quite amenable teens, but they aren't struggling at all in the way they visibly did when those children were tiny.

"I think some valubale advice could be had from many of the twenty something mums on mumsnet as we do remeber (vividly eurgh) the horror of being a teenager so you can get the answers you would want form your own teens but in non grunting language you can understand"

vajazzhands I have teenagers and, despite being the wrong side of 45, I can also still remember, (vividly), what it was like to be a teenager

But thanks anyway.....

When my two were little, I remember Mums of older children saying "..and it really doesn't get any easier, you know, if anything it gets harder!".

I'd grit my teeth and smile but think "Oh, piss off!".

My girls are 17 and 15. I would never say anything like this to a Mum with babies or toddlers. I think some people can forget that it is enormously demanding to be a Mum of young children.

Obviously, teenagers can be a huge worry because of the increasing amounts of freedom they have and autonomy over their own lives but I would never minimise how hard it is to be a Mum of little ones - gorgeous as they are.

While I may feel mums who do not have teenagers are possibly less qualified to advise me on my teenagers, I also feel that in a sense I have lost some of that mother-of-young-children expertise, so may need to watch my tongue when talking to them and not immediately assume I know better. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it's not quite the same as actually living it; I find my memory of what life was like in those days is coloured by later interpretation.

Besides, nobody else had my children. Which, strictly speaking, is the extent of my expertise.

and a corollary would be that people who have never had children (young, childless teacher, health visitors etc) are in NO POSITION to proffer any opinion at all

Also bear in mind that as the years go by people forget. So, parents of older children may well have forgotten what it was like to have a baby, toddler or young child about. Just like many of our parents or grandparents can only remember things through rose tinted glasses.

And different children have different personailites, and some are easier than others. And this can vary at each stage. For some chidren their teenage years can be much less traumatic than their toddler years.

I have got 4 kids aged 18, 13, 8 and 4.

I think all ages are hard but in different ways. They can all be needy and exhausting and they can all be rewarding.

Infant years are physically gruelling and I am glad to have them out of the way now, but now I find parenting emotionally straining, not just dealing with behaviours but also their emotional wellbeing, academic needs and anxieties etc.

And some days I wonder how I fit it all in, working, feeding the family, being taxi for the kids, refereeing the arguments.

So I woulnt say it gets easier or harder. It just changes.

I most certainly agree OP.

it winds me up when someone with a baby or toddler comments about what time a teen goes to bed or if they have a phone or a tv in their room or if they help themselves to snacks etc etc.

I think it is swings and roundabouts. Having girls as teenagers is heartbreaking, my son is okay.

When they were young my DS was more challenging. that Italian proverb is so true. young children are physically exhausting but the demands are obviously different for teenagers and I am filling up just writing this.

Movingto - oh so can I.... has vivid memories of doing the most outrageous things (without my parents ever finding out, thank the lord)!

I think we parents of young children have to think that it's harder than having older children. Otherwise where's the incentive to carry on? :o

YABU.

Unless you wish to stop conversing with people on subjects you have no real practical knowledge of.

alpinepony - conversing or criticising?

anyway my children are still under 10, so all I can say about teenagerhood is that I am not looking forward to it based on what people who are going through it say about it to me.

On the other hand, I liked the baby/ young child stage and I thought it was quite easy.

I get a bit fed up though when first time parents tell me that they will never let their PFB do .....

Well my sister and I were both teenage girls at one point and I am sure we were irritating at times, but my mother says very clearly that our teenage years were much easier than our baby/toddlerhood!

Sort of like I said above, I wouldn't give anyone with small children/babies advice as it's nearly 16 years ago.
I may have the experience but my memory of it all is a bit dodgy!
So far, I've been lucky - he's a lovely teen - and I'm sure I made a lot of choices that in a lot of parenting websites I would be flamed for.
In a lot of ways, for young parents, there's just too much advice out there.
It would have done my head in.

So far my 9/11 year olds are much harder than dd3(6m) who feeds all night. Dd2 was v difficult at 6months though so you can't compare the two age groups as personality comes into it.

Well, from one who has a 15 year old and a 3 year old, I say give me the teenager any day.

Yes, we've had some real problems with hims over the years, but at least he lets me sleep. I can deal with anything if I'm allowed to sleep.

(yes, ds2, I'm looking at you. You should be well past waking us through the night by now.)

I have teenagers and a pre-schooler. They are very similar - both realising their identities and both prone to tantrums!

Like Shodan, if I had to choose which is easier, I'd say the teen. Of course everyone's different though.

i just have one lovely dd of 19 - i have forgotton to a large degree how hard it was when she was little (tiring i mean) - i think it is worth remembering that even in the relativly short time since she was a baby that things have changed, there are new ideas about bringing up babies and toddlers and im not an oracle when my much younger sil asks what i think!

i actually see myself as a fairly 'old fashioned' mum now, i ff, used disposable nappies etc and weaned quite a bit earlier than recommended now, tbf, dd is happy and healthy so i must have done something right but frankly, im glad my child-bearing days are over, it all seems like such hard work from what i read on here.

I tend to think that as there is not a solid body of opinion, but plenty of room for disagreement amongst mothers of teenagers, whether or not you have one it yet yourself doesn't really matter. the quality of what you say will speak for itself - if it is borne from a terrible naivety that will be pretty obvious - but some people will manage to maintain high ideals even in the thick of whichever stage they're in.

Also i do think that once you're out of toddlerhood, and moving on to new challenges, you forget about what it was really like (if you are an optimist, you remember the good, if a pessimist ...not) ...so may not be making a fair judgement with the glorious 20:20 hindsight we hear tell of.

And it is true - no one else knows what your kids are like.

That said, i leave teenagers threads well alone....I don't need to go there yet.

I think everyone knows teenagers are harder. I dont think young children are that hard tbh. Can be frustrating at times but it is only a momentary thing. I work with children and have 1 off my own and trying to get pregnant. If I had the cash I would have 6+ because I dont ever want to be out the baby/toddler stage. Hopefully by the time I finish having babies my daughter will be pregnant and I can start on the GCs!

I remember being a teen and how I felt, and where my mum made things worse or better, so from that I am super qualified to at least think about a parent of a teen's problem and see where I may be able to help.... I don't remember being a baby.

I do hate old people tut tutting and saying 'it doesn't get any easier y'know' - ARGH! My mum still think being a parent is hard even though me and my siblings are all in our 30's.... and she's probably right, she still worries and we still give her cause at times.

I can't say which is the hardest as I only have the two little ones.
However I dont think there is any harm in posting advice on a situation involving older children. Just because I havent got children of that age group (yet!) doesnt make my advice have any less merit. I'm only 27 I still bhave vivid memories of being a teenager myself!

toddlers and teenagers are both hardwork just different sets of problems and stresses! all ages worry you to death