to think it's wrong that my 8 year old DD is sleeping in her dads bed

[murrayc3]

My ex and I are divorced, we have shared custody of our 3 DD's. He has them 3 nights a week. When my DD's are with him the DD 1, now 8 years old, sleeps in her dads bed. in fact she doesn't even have a bed at his house anymore. I feel this is really wrong but he see's no problem. What do I do??

I agree she could share with the other 2 dd's quite easily. I will give it some more time and see what happens.

This would not worry me at all, surely completely normal? - I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old dd who sleep with their dad sometimes when it's his contact weekend. The only reason you should be concerned is if you have some reason to question him iyswim.

tallulahxhunny thank you :)

My sister and I used to sleep in my dad's bed. He had an electric blanket! This was back in the days before central heating. I wouldn't see it as a problem unless she is upset by it.

BimboNo5 he is not a peeeeeeeeddddddoooooo just think its unfair she doesnt have her own space when she spend half a week with him.

I think she was probably being sarcastic.

prob.....cant believe so many messages little overwhelmed!

I dont think hes a paedo either but he has now 3 years down the line taught her to not sleep alone!!

when my children come back from their dads they "try" to talk to me like shit, expect to jump into my bed and waken me during the night every night for weeks all because hes too lazy to say NO!

My parents split up when I was eight and the first time I stayed over with my dad I slept in his bed, as he didn't have another bed. I didn't like it at all and refused to go back unless I got my own bed. Other children may feel fine with it. I'd suggest getting one of those sleeping bag bed things.

If your 8 year old little boy was in your bed would you be worried?

tallulahxhunny I get the same, every night trying to get in my bed and she doesn't settle at night...... because she doesn't like being alone. Which is understandable really.

Nothing wrong with it at all. Yes if there is space he should be making moves to sort her out with her own bed, but it's not a huge deal.

I think if you flipped this and admitted on MN that your DD was sleeping in your bed 3 nights a week, or that you didn't have a bed for her, people would be pretty shocked. YANBU, this needs sorting out. Her sleep patterns are being disturbed and it's not fair.

I dont let any of my dd's sleep in my bed 4 nights a week so if I had a DS no I wouldn't let him sleep in my bed either. They need a bed of there own, where dolly and teddys live, where they can go and sit quietly and read after there nighttime bath.

Murray, if the arrangement means that your DD is having difficulty settling when she is at yours, then I think it is fine to talk to your ex about it. Please ignore the odd silly comment on here - most people can see that you have an issue to discuss, and it is obvious that you are not implying anything untoward.

My main reaction is - but what about the, ahem, morning tent scenario?

I dont see why the dad cant make up a bed on the floor. 8 is too old to be sharing a bed really. And how long does it go on for...

I too am not saying theres anything untoward, just that its uncomfortable reading.

how is it different from the co-sleeping that so many bang on about on here

its not for me, but horses for courses

AppleyEverAfter..totally agree
hecatequeenofthenight, it is my ex's brother who lifes in room 3, which was dd1's room. ex's brother moved in to her room when I moved out. she could go in with the other dd's though

Agree with Speakercorner there's nothing wrong with her being in her dad's bed, but it sounds like its becoming far too habitual and its having a knock on affect at your house in that she cannot settle on her own easily.

I do think its something that needs addressing, just because of that.

Morning tent scenario? For goodness sakes. Any decent man, which is 99% of them, will take steps not to flaunt it in front of his children if it happens. What do you think he would do, stick a flag on it?

Having read a bit more on this thread, yes there are issues around her own space, being a habit etc, but the actual sharing of a bed isn't a problem and I'm amazed that people think so little of their menfolk that they think it is.

thank you all :)

Different scenario but my big brother moved back in when I was about 8 or 9 - we had a 3 bedroom house, eldest brother was in a small single. So I effectively had to share with my 25 year old brother. He worked shifts, so what this meant in practice was that if he was working nights, I got my own bed, if he was working days I had to sleep with my mum. I bloody hated it. I can't quite explain why, but especially because I had experience of having my own space it just didn't seem right to share a bed with my mum.

gwendolinemarylacey thank you, your last paragraph hits the nail on the head :)

When i first read the Op it sounded like you were worried that you Ex may be doing something untoward.

There is absolutly nothing worng with his DD staying in his bed at any age if it is her choice. (She may really miss him and cherish this time together). But reading more I can see that she had to give up her space for your Ex's brother. I agree she does need her own bed but she should not feel bad if she wants to jump in bed with her dad (Morning golry for god's sake grow up).
I would sit down and discuss your concerns with her dad (be careful how you say it). Expalin that DD is finding it hard to sleep on her own can he give her, her own bed.

See if this helps.

thanks mrspoc, I will try and talk to her dad. It can be very hard to talk about things like this as he see's it as none of my business.