to think it's wrong that my 8 year old DD is sleeping in her dads bed

[murrayc3]

My ex and I are divorced, we have shared custody of our 3 DD's. He has them 3 nights a week. When my DD's are with him the DD 1, now 8 years old, sleeps in her dads bed. in fact she doesn't even have a bed at his house anymore. I feel this is really wrong but he see's no problem. What do I do??

3 DD's only DD 1 in with dad, DD2 (6) and DD 3 (5) in room 2, dad's brother in room 3. sorry to confuse.

Can he actually change this situation?

Children naturally grow out of wanting to slep in their parents bed, i won't worry about what is ahead. Girls get very self consious when they first start their periods.

Is he hoping to be in a better position in a couple of years? She will need space to do coursework.

I slept in my dads bed when I went to visit him until I was 12/13 - he had been burgled once and we came home to find the house unlocked, after that I was really scared about it for a long time. I don't think there is anything wrong with it if its your daughters choice. Although I never told any of my friends (not even sure if I told my mum) as I was embarrased for being a wimp!!

My 10 year old ds slept with me last night - is that "really wrong" too?

If it is for financial reasons he will get defensive. However he will need the room back for the childrens use as they get older. Are you able to bring it up with him?

she should have her own space but she shouldnt have to use it. 8 is very young of course there will be a time when her own growing up feelings will mean that she dousnt want to sleep in his bed but that will come naturally.

just because one of her parents is a man dousnt mean there is anything sinister in it im sure this discussion wouldnt be taking place if you were her father complaining shes been sleeping in bed with her mum. its natural and lovely to sleep in bed with your parents- perfectly normal. youl do more damage trying to stop it or introducing the idea why you find it uncomfrotable, it will ruin a very special thing she has and take away some innocence.

seeker-sleeping in a parents bed occasionally is not wrong, no-one is saying that. She will eventually need her own bed, the OP is just asking for advice.

I think it is just very hard to control how your ex manages your children when they are in his care. Three kids is a lot, and there is always going to be some sort of difficulty with the room situation.

Perhaps it's worth explaining to your ex that your dd is having trouble settling when she's at yours. Is there room for a bunk bed in the other bedroom (the one your other dcs are in)? You can get triple bunks, with a double on the bottom and a single at the top. Not cheap though - perhaps you ex is strapped for cash right now.

OP have you spoke to her because it does depend on how she feels. Also do the other two feel that she is favoured?

My 8 year old DS sleeps with me and DH every night!!! I dont see the harm in it

Surely it would make more sense to have the youngest child in with him, not the eldest?

Or he can get one of these

or these

or these

or these

or these

She is sleeping in his bed 3 nights a week, if it was once or twice just sleepily crawling in for a cuddle then fine, but it's not, at 8pm she goes to his bed and stays there till 7am Wed, Thurs and Friday night every single week.

what is wrong with it

i am sure she really misses him. in time she will want her own space but until then i can see nothing wrong at all with children sharing their parents bed if everyone is happy

Ah his brother, I misread that.

OP but how does she feel about it. How do the other DD's feel about it and does he have a choice about having to sublet a room?

I think I'd want my DD to at least have the option of going to her own bed at 8. If she still chooses to sleep with him then that's up to her, but she needs her own space too. If space is the issue then you can get triple bunk beds. Can't the younger two top-to-tail in 1 bed for now?

the other DD's dont say anything to me, she has been in there since we seperated 3 years ago so they do not know any different.

he could fit a bunk bed and a small single in room 2.

Perhaps it would be better if he went on a single bed, and your three dds shared the double bed. It does sound as if he is trying to do his best with not enough space. Yes, it might be best if your eldest dd had her own room, but that may just not be possible in the circumstances, so you and he might have to try to work out a next-best solution.

I have 2 daughters and when they go to stay with their dad he sleeps with them. It drives me mad. i see absolutely no reason for him to sleep with them, my girls are 7 & 6! YANBU !!!

Op can you ask him his plans as they get older. He may be already thinking about changing the sleeping arrangements.

If your children are happy then there is nothing to worry about just yet.

OMFG sleeping with her Dad aged 8?
He is claearly a raging peeeeeeeeeeeedddo.

ffs