To say to DP who is the full-time wage earner this is what u are getting and that's that

[shinyshoes]

I work 3 evenings a week.

DP works full -time and is the main wage earner.

I put into the household pot but obviously DP's wages covers the majority of the bills.

I work when he is at home, I work my shifts around him, there is always one of us at home.

We have 3 children. I cook mostly when I can. I use the slow cooker but sometimes DP has to see to their meals.

There was a recipe on here a couple of weeks back, cheesy champs and beans, it sounded very nice and very filling and I thought my children would love it. Tomorrow I was thinking of having that or chilli prawns with salad leaves.

DP has expressed his disgust on both meals citing 'where's the rest' steak/sausage/meat of some sort.

I don't want to cook every night. I'd like to have just hot pastrami on rye, or prawns in chilli dip.

As he works full-time and comes home like he could eat one of us. AIBU to say 'listen I dont want to cook, like the cheesy champs or cook for yourself!'

The children would love dippy or easy to eat food

What do u do if u just can't be bothered but feel you have to

For the nights that you don´t want to cook, perhaps you (both of you) could make sure that there is something in for your husband to cook himself?

We eat our "main meal" at 1.30/2.00 & I don´t cook again.

Those who are capable are more than welcome to cook in the evening if they wish.

I am a rampant feminist - but I think if I haven't got a tiny baby to look after and haven't been out a work all day, and my dp has, then, actually, it IS my job to feed him! Why wouldn't it be? His jobs - earn the money and look after the children. My jobs - run the household and look after the children.

I dont think YABU, however I don't think you're dh is either. You wanted the dish because you liked the sound of it, however your dh does not, however its OK for you to like it, because its your preference, its a bit one sided dont you think??

However your not UR, to ask him if he doesn't like the meal you have prepared, then he can make him something else.

According to google there is no such thing as cheesy champs, if you google "cheesy champs" this thread is the only food related result. I don't think many adults would be happy being served that for a meal, really it's a child's meal.

If you're cooking for the family then cook something that takes into account everyone's needs(within reason). If you think you should do less of the cooking then that's a different issue.

I was wondering, with you both working shifts and are at work/at home different times of the day if this leads to your levels of hungriness are mismatched?

I do agree that the "cheesy champs" sounds like a childrens meal.

But, if the only one who doesn´t want it is OP´s husband, isn´t it up to him to then sort himself out, regardless of who works when & for how long?

Surely if OP does enough mash he can do meat/veg/gravy for himself?

I sometimes have been nibbling all afternoon and picking at ds food - so am not as hungry as dh when he comes home from work. I can understand exactly where you are coming from - I can't be bothered making a full meal (which I know I will end up eating and not really needing!).
I've always got a bit of chicken or sausages or chorizo or ham in the fridge that dh can rustle up a massive omlette with onions and mushrooms in it. Or there's always a pot of homemade pasta sauce in the fridge and meatballs in the freezer - bung in the oven and add some pasta.
So I guess it's about being organised and having quick options that you or dh don't mind rustling up.
My dh will eat anything put in front of him - and if its not enough - will go and scavenge afterwards.
For the prawns dish - my dh would be happy - if he had a huge pile of them and a side of chips. champs and beans - if he didn't fancy it - have it for lunch on your own?

What I think is needed is some compromise. We can argue all day that it is not her 'job' to prepare his meals, but if we all took that attitude, why should it be his 'job' to provide for her financially? Why not just provide for children?
When people start saying, 'he's an adult, he can cook himself' then the flip side is that she is an adult, too, and can make her own money.

Why don't you make an effort to prepare him a couple of nice meals a week when you are NOT working, and he rustles up something nice for you on the nights YOU work? You will be doing majority of cooking, yes, and he will be cooking the minority of the time. But it seems reasonable to me.
A simple compromise of delegation and meal-planning could sort all this out.

Why not say when you are working, 'If I cook, it's something quick tonight as I don't have time for anything fancy. If you're not happy, you can cook for us?' Sounds reasonable to me.

YABU but not because your DH works slightly more than you.

Cheese sandwich and beans from a can is not a meal. Prawns & dip is not a meal, either. Either cook real food or say "I couldn't cook tonight, so we're having sandwiches" and make sure you have tomatoes, cheese, cucumber, hard boiled eggs, etc in the fridge. Not three times a week, obviously.

This is not about your DH still being hungry after dinner, but about nutritional needs of your entire family. Your children need to eat vegetables, and eggs, meat, or fish every day, not to mention fatty fish like salmon or tuna once a week.

If you don't have the time to cook every day, cook on the weekends & freeze.

I'd make a proper dinner every night. It's just not that big a deal imo, and not worth falling out over.

I can imagine dh's face if he sat down to "dinner" and it was mashed potato and cheese!

Even if it's omelette, beans and toast (my "I can't be arsed to cook" dinner) it takes all of 5 minutes and is nutritionally ok and filling.

Every night? Even when she is working? Bit unfair. Seems reasonable that she cooks meals when NOT working, and he does rest of time, if he isn't happy with that arrangement, then she should tell him to either put up with beans and toast or cook himself! It's only 3 nights a week.

But if the op is home all day, that gives her tons of time to make the dinner. It's not as though she's rushing in at 5pm then off to the other job at 6pm, is it?

But the point is she isn't saying that. She's saying, yes I'll cook and then giving him something that sounds horrible and that she now knows he doesn't like. That's incredibly childish. If you agree to cook then provide a decent meal, not a few prawns and a dip fgs. I can't think of anyone I'd serve that to who wouldn't assume it was a starter.

If you don't want to do it, tell him.

It takes no more than ten minutes to rustle up some delicious, healthy meals.
Either of them could do it.

Takes longer to peel, dice and mash the potatoes I would have thought

So she doesn;t cooke when she's working, but he does? Is that fair?

I jsut think it's odd to think abotu things like this as if we're talking abotu flatmates. I stopped keeping tally of who too the bind out last week and whose turn it was to hoover when I grew up.

In a family there are jobs to be done. The quicker and most efficiently they are done the more time for the fun stuff. Or for the lying on the sofa in a darkened room

So if the OP for some bizarre reason wants to dine on cheesy mash and beans it is absolutely no trouble to chuck some chops in the oven for her dp, so he can have mask and chops and whatever green vegetable the OP was planning on cooking. A bag of spinach or a bowl of peas in the microwafe takes 3 minutes. 2 chops in a foil lined tray in the oven take about 20 minutes - about the same time as boiling the potatoes for mash.

'Cheese sandwich and beans from a can is not a meal.'

Bollocks. It's what my kids get some nights. The cheese has fat and protein. The bread is homemade. I make a baked bean casserole with onions and peppers (I use a low-salt variety).

It's what more than probably 80% of the world's population gets for dinner.

Tonight, we're having a homemade carrot and lentil soup with sandwiches. DH will have been at work all day in a manual job.

It's like the 1940s in here so often, except in the 40s people didn't expect to shovel so much meat down their throats and yet plenty managed to survive.

My FIL's mother was a Scottish traveller back in the days when such people, and their children, worked heavy manual jobs on farms. As a young boy, he recalls spending entire days out in the fields drilling for potatoes, pulling neeps or carrots, and coming home, the men to, to a meal of a plate of broth, neeps and tatties mashed with butter and rice with eggs beaten in. Lunch would have been bread with skirlie. Hmm, he's still here.

I worked FT, DH stayed home with teh children. I never considered it his 'job' to feed me! FFS. I'm an adult capable of doing that.

We planned it out together and shared the work of it out together.

DH and I will have a jacket potato with filling for tea very occasionally if we've both had a proper cooked lunch.

If I plonked a plate of cheesy mash and beans in front of him for his main meal he'd think I was bonkers. And vice versa if he did the same to me.

If I can't be bothered to cook then I'll warn him to fill up at lunchtime, or we'll decide to get a take-away or go to the chippy.

If you're at home (same applies to him) then it's not hard to prepare a spag Bol, chili or curry for the slow cooler. Less effort than peeling, boiling and mashing spuds surely? Unless you're using Smash?

If she shouldn't cook when she's working, why should he cook when he is? Honestly, I don't see the fuss.
Cooking is not hard and doesn't take long - unless you want to prepare 3 course cordon bleu meals regularly.

Chuck a chicken in the oven, stick some rice in water and steam it.
Chop some brocoli and shove it, or peas even if you can't be arsed to chop in microwave.
This is about 5 minutes tops of hands on time.

Why is this so hard if you're at home?

DH could do it, but then if he is responsible for feeding the kids, then they won't eat until late will they?

Expat, I'm going out on a limb here and will say that I think that most working dads just wouldn't feel that way if they have a partner at home all day especially since as per above example, it takes no real effort!
Like you, I cooked when I worked FT too, but it never bothered me.

No wonder people are getting so much fatter on the whole.

Unless he is working a 7 day week I find it difficult to understand why he can't cook some of the dinners.

Reading this thread makes you wonder how single men cope.

'Expat, I'm going out on a limb here and will say that I think that most working dads just wouldn't feel that way if they have a partner at home all day especially since as per above example, it takes no real effort!'

Well, that should change. Because why should it be any different regardless of who's working?

Exactly, TheCrack. What did they do before wifey came along?

Yes, chicken, rice and broccoli will put on the pounds won't it.

But jacket potato, cheese and beans won't?

Depends on how much you are eating. Some modern chickens, too, are full of fat. People eat too much meat.

And he's as capable as she is of cooking.

Somehow, I can't see that he'd go for chicken, rice and broccoli, either.

I agree expat, it makes no difference who is working at all!
As a rule though, women tend to be the ones who work less to stay at home with the children than men do.

Having a vagina or a penis neither precludes you from, nor mean you always should, have to cook. It should be a bit of give and take.

But in my view, if you are going to cook and it is your turn to cook the family a meal, it should be one that you know everybody will eat

Common sense and a little bit of give and take surely?