To say to DP who is the full-time wage earner this is what u are getting and that's that

[shinyshoes]

I work 3 evenings a week.

DP works full -time and is the main wage earner.

I put into the household pot but obviously DP's wages covers the majority of the bills.

I work when he is at home, I work my shifts around him, there is always one of us at home.

We have 3 children. I cook mostly when I can. I use the slow cooker but sometimes DP has to see to their meals.

There was a recipe on here a couple of weeks back, cheesy champs and beans, it sounded very nice and very filling and I thought my children would love it. Tomorrow I was thinking of having that or chilli prawns with salad leaves.

DP has expressed his disgust on both meals citing 'where's the rest' steak/sausage/meat of some sort.

I don't want to cook every night. I'd like to have just hot pastrami on rye, or prawns in chilli dip.

As he works full-time and comes home like he could eat one of us. AIBU to say 'listen I dont want to cook, like the cheesy champs or cook for yourself!'

The children would love dippy or easy to eat food

What do u do if u just can't be bothered but feel you have to

I'll have what she's having...

God only knows. Poor dh is running scared, lol. He can't say no. I am doing the decent thing by mums netting till he is asleep

Why not just add some sausages to it??

I kinda agree with your DH as that meal sounds rubbish and not that fulfilling. I would just add some sausages or chicken breasts.

Oh but I do think if you both work, there should be a more even view on who cooks the evening meals during the week. I don't see why his being at work 2 more days a week than you means you should cook the evening meals

Tell him to start helping cook more or stop complaining.

I think he can cook some of the time, but to be honest I'd do a couple of sausages for my DH - he wouldn't be full after mash and beans, he's not a toddler. Like others have said, you don't have to make him a full extra meal but something else on the side isn't hard - or of course have it to hand so he can make it himself.

I think cheesy champs and beans sounds horrible to be honest and not quite a proper meal given that it's cooked!

That said, I don't think you should be cooking for him all the time if you don't want to.

Just tell him to sort himself out, he's a grown man FFS.

When my husband gets home (during our normal situation of living together full-time rather than at weekends which is what it is like temporarily and during which I prepare all his meals) he will ask if there is/will be food if it's not immediately obvious if I've cooked or plan to. If I say no, he in his own words "forages" (cheeses, cold cuts, pate, smoked fish, oat cakes, crudites, salad, yoghurts and fruit for example). It doesn't happen often but he wouldn't dare moan about food I had prepared and ever expect me to cook for him again, he's smarter than that

It does sound like you're being bloody awkward actually. Either you're cooking that evening or you're not but half arsed meals aren't fair. Sometimes I don't fancy what I'm making but I'm not the only person in the house and if it's my turn to do dinner then it's only fair to do it properly. My DH would be starving after mash and beans and so would my 3yo. If you don't want to cook then don't but offering up something you know won't be enough for him is being awkward.

He needs to get more flexible or less concerned with his stomach. He cant dictate what you cook! My Dh cooks about half of the time...similar set up to yours.

He works full time and I work part time. BUt he doesn't EXPECT a meal every day.

I don't work (in paid employment) and DH does, I do most of the cooking happily, I like cooking, but if he doesn't like what I've cooked he gets his own... if he cooks, same rules apply.

My 'job' is to see to the kids, not be my husband's butler.

Saying that, if the family requires a meal in the evening that is what I'll do, not a snack because I cba. If the boys have had school dinners, I'll tell DH that in the morning and he'll grab something more substantial in the day so then, a snack in the evening is perfectly reasonable.

Well I think I must be very old fasioned but can't you agree that he cooks the three nights that you work and you cook the rest. Of course he needs a proper meal when he comes home and that isn't a sandwich or a dip or mash and beans. How on earth does it take from lunch time until dinner time to prepare a cook a roast? That surely could have been started at 4pm unless you were cooking 1/2 a cow. My DH would have made a fuss too. I work full time and still cook five nights a week - and cook a proper albeit simple meal.

The meals you enjoy do sound more like snacky, small meals tbh. My DH wouldn't be full on either meal you mention, and if I do pasta it has to be full of cheese or with meat or at least garlic bread too, and an hour later he would still be foraging!

I think you should ask him to cook at least half the time, then you can eat less if you don't want the full meal. As another poster said, if you take responsibility for feeding everyone and they're still hungry, it's not fair on anyone.

And always have snacks in!

chicletteeth "(cheeses, cold cuts, pate, smoked fish, oat cakes, crudites, salad, yoghurts and fruit for example)"

I want your fridge.

I don't work at all out of the house and do most of the cooking but sometimes DH comes home to soup and toast if I can't be arsed, he knows he can like it or find his own. I am his partner and look after our children I am not his private chef.

your mistake is telling your DP in advance what you are planning (and therby kind of asking for his approval).

I just cook what I want, and DP sees what it is when he gets home, when he is hungry, and grateful for anything.

Saying that, I DO cook "proper" food most days (as I prefer it myself), not just dips, and the champ thing sounds fairly revolting IMHO, but my DH would defo eat it if I put it in front of him.

I have some sympathy with both sides of this argument actually.

There is no reason why potatoes cheese and beans cannot be a filling meal. No-one needs meat to make it "filling" - the potato and beans are the filling part anyway. And there is this weird obsession with "proper meals" that I frankly don't get - as long as your diet is balanced and filling then it doesn't need to be presented as meat and two veg....

On the other hand, I think it is important that meals are appetising, and if your husband doesn't fancy the meal you are planning then he should have something else. Which he can make himself.

I think all these comments "of course he wants a proper meal and is really hungry when he comes home from work" are really odd, actually. Assuming that he has had lunch and isn't a manual worker then there is no real reason for him to be enormously hungry. Although men do have a greater calorific need than women, which must be taken into account.

That said, when I try to do simple low budget meals (ie jacket potatoes with cheese/beans) my husband has a tin of curry on his (yuck) because otherwise he doesn't feel properly fed. Which I find irritating as it kindof defeats the object of the low budget meal....

I wouldn't describe the 'cheesy champs' dish as a proper meal either.

Why not cook in bulk and have some frozen dishes that you can pull out on the days when you don't feel like cooking?

I also find a slow cooker really handy - cook when you have the time and energy, eat it 8 or 9 hours later.

(Just off to cook a huge batch of lentil and bacon soup!)

Sorry - see that you have a slow cooker already.

DH and I both work, he is ft and I am 20hrs (ish) a week. We both cook as and when (no odd rota!) and both talk about what we are going to have. When you or he lived alone you had to cook, where is the harm is sharing the load and cooking for a family?

P.s, tonight is blackened cajun chicken cesar salad.... not a chip or potato in sight followed by the first of the season strawberries, and my DH sees that as a meal.

Was thinking about this as I did the school run - surely the ideal solution would be for your husband to join the "light" family tea and then if he is still hungry he could make himself supper when the children are in bed? That way you are all eating together as a fmaily and he gets to eat something else if he feels he needs to.

YANBU!

If you're happy to do all the cooking, then that's great - we have a similar arrangement in our house because we both prefer my cooking to his - but he shouldn't be dictating what you cook every night. You and the DC should also get a turn to have the meals you prefer.

The way we do it is, once a week I ask round for meal requests then plan the week's meals in advance, making sure everybody's (including me) had a chance to choose at least one meal. I'll cook alternatives within reason if I know somebody doesn't like what I'm cooking (e.g. DD doesn't like cheese sauce, so if I'm doing macaroni cheese I'll leave some pasta aside and she'll have that with grated cheese on top) but I won't cook two completely different meals. I always make sure there's bread, cheese and fruit in the house so if anybody turns their nose up at dinner, there's no need for them to go hungry.

DH (he does most of the cooking) and I agree the menu for the week prior to writing a shopping list. That way we get to discuss what we want to eat and ensure that there is a balance of cheap pasta meals, fish, meat etc. It's called communication!

One of the joys of leaving home was being able to eat food that I liked after a childhood of having to eat meals exclusively aimed at my father. I would hate it if I still had no say in what I got to eat.

I dont think the problem here is that the meals the OP describes are 'wrong' but that OP's DP is being told to like it or lump it. The OP shouldnt be running a restaurant but equally she shouldnt be deliberately serving food which she knows her DP doesnt want or like, that is being a curmudgeon.

I dunno.
Call me old fashioned but I like to have a nice meal prepared for when everyone comes home.
I wouldn't go a bundle on prawns and salad leaves after a hard day at work.
If you talk about what you want and do a bit of planning, it shouldn't be hard.

I tend to spend a few hour's cooking on the w/end (while doing other stuff) so that sets us up for the week. So,, for instance this w/end I did a pasta sauce, a tortilla, a stir fry and a chicken scotch broth.

Some of those will be dished up twice this week.I don't think you have to do something different every night.

Yes, prawns and salad leaves is a bit low-carb and wouldn't be enough for me, but add some decent bread or a few boiled new potatoes and you have a filling, balanced meal.

DP and I both work shifts, whoever is in first (or sometimes in all day) cooks. If either of us were offered cheesy mash or prawns with salad after a days work then words would be spoken.
This is nor a gender issue, nor is it a power issue. This is a communications issue. It seems that you see your role as child-carer and he sees your role as home-maker this should have been discussed before you even had kids - but c'est la vie, you need to be having that conversation now.

You could turn the question round and ask yourself what would he do if he couldn't be bothered to go to work but (as the maion earner) felt he had to - I bet he grumbles but still goes. If that is the case then he is fulfulling his role even when he doesn't want to but you are not. That doesn't sound terribly fair to me.

A jacket potato with cheese and beans would absolutely not fill my husband up. He is not a manual worker he is a desk worker and is largely stationary.
He is also 6'2 and weighs 16.5 stone.
A flipping jacket potato is not a meal, my 6 year old would not be full on that.
Prawns and salad leaves would also not fill him up.
It doesn't have to be meat and two veg, but it has to be something substantial.

Chill, takes 15 minutes to prepare (and that's if you chop the onions and peppers yourself), spaghetti bolognaise a similar time.
Fajitas, 10 minutes; stir fry, same.

It is not hard to prepare a decent quality meal and it doesn't have to be meat and two veg either.

What you need to do is stop cooking his meals every night. I cook for DH sometimes. Sometimes I don't. He learnt long ago if he dares to complain about what's being cooked his portion goes into the dogs.

He doesn't complain anymore. He'd happily eat baked beans on toast every night if that is what I decided I was cooking.