To say to DP who is the full-time wage earner this is what u are getting and that's that

[shinyshoes]

I work 3 evenings a week.

DP works full -time and is the main wage earner.

I put into the household pot but obviously DP's wages covers the majority of the bills.

I work when he is at home, I work my shifts around him, there is always one of us at home.

We have 3 children. I cook mostly when I can. I use the slow cooker but sometimes DP has to see to their meals.

There was a recipe on here a couple of weeks back, cheesy champs and beans, it sounded very nice and very filling and I thought my children would love it. Tomorrow I was thinking of having that or chilli prawns with salad leaves.

DP has expressed his disgust on both meals citing 'where's the rest' steak/sausage/meat of some sort.

I don't want to cook every night. I'd like to have just hot pastrami on rye, or prawns in chilli dip.

As he works full-time and comes home like he could eat one of us. AIBU to say 'listen I dont want to cook, like the cheesy champs or cook for yourself!'

The children would love dippy or easy to eat food

What do u do if u just can't be bothered but feel you have to

I have to say I'm going to go against the grain here and side with your DH. Mashed potato with cheese & beans is not a meal, that may be fine for lunch, but not for dinner. Also may be good for people with smaller appetites, but certainly not a 'man-sized' meal. I wouldn't be happy with that for dinner.

Do you meal plan? If not, may be worth trying it. Sit down with DH and plan all your meals for the week. If there is something that you really fancy that he doesn't you must be able to adapt it for him. E.g. this cheesy mash thing, perhaps you could do a few sausages or something for him, then at least he is having a proper meal. If you sit down together and plan your meals for the week any differences in taste or appetite can be ironed out then. This works really well for us. There are things that I like but DP doesn't so I'll just do something similar for him while I'm doing mine, and vice-versa.

I think meal planning is the way forward for you here. You can be flexible with it, we are, and if DP decides he really doesn't want what we are having that has been on the 'menu', then he'll do himself something later.

Bizarre.

My family love jacket potatoes. Or omelettes. Or home made soup and bread. In fact those (and roast chicken) are the only meals I can guarantee ALL my family will eat.

Although I do have to do different fillings to cater for different tastes. The children and I usually just have cheese omelettes whilst my husband has bacon and mushrooms or something in his. And the children and I have cheese and/or beans whilst he has curry. Or sometimes leftover bolognaise or something.

We don't have these very night, but sometimes. I can't see the big deal.

I don't get all this "if he doesn't like what I cook then he can lump it" attitude. Is not not much nicer all round to take into account your DP's dietary wants and needs (obviously within reason). My DP is learning to cook and I have been teaching him. He has been making an effort to do this so he can cook meals for our little family in the future and this will be great when our LO comes along and I am too tired to cook for a while. I also take into consideration what he likes and incorporate it into what I decide to cook for our evening meals.

I think it is much nicer when you make the effort for each other instead of having a 'like it or lump it' attitude. Unless you have an ungrateful partner who doesn't make any effort of course. Surely it is better to be fuming about him not cooking and try and resolve that than expecting him to just eat mash and cheese and being upset if he does not like it IYSWIM.

Compromise on both sides.

"And there is this weird obsession with "proper meals" that I frankly don't get "

I agree, and tbh I think a lot of people are probably overweight due to the insistance on a big cooked meal in the evening & then slumping on the settee for the rest of the evening.

Sometimes at the w/end if it´s hot or we´re not doing much we don´t have a "proper meal" at all

I do think alot of women are overweight as they eat similar sized portions to their DH. However, my DH does want a much bigger meal than me, but all he has had is a sandwich all day. I do find it a struggle as I don't feel like eating a heavy meal and he does - usually I just give myself a smaller portion of everything but yes prawns and dip would do me but definitely not my DH.

I eat with my DH and not my kids so I do cook 2 separate meals most evenings but its not that much extra effort to be honest. If you are working in the evening I would expect your DH to eat what the kids and you have had or cook himself.

Ready meals? My DH would survive on those and did before he met me.

I might be more sympathetic if you had said that you didn;t want to cook and were having soup and toast or something.

But by the time you've made mashed potatoes and heated up some beans you could have chucked some salmon in the oven, boiled some little potatoes nad microwaved some spinach. That would be quicker, healthier more nutritious and create less washing up. And create a better atmosphere.

I actually can't see a problem with the person who's out at work all day getting a decent dinner in the evening. I also can't see a problem with the person who goes out to work in the evening not having to feed the family first. So, the three nights you work, you don;t cook for anyone, the other 4 you do. Simple.

Can't you make good use of a freezer here? I keep all sorts in my freezer so that I can prepare a "proper meal" pretty quickly, bits of meat individually wrapped and portioned, sausages frozen in 2s etc. Also if you are at home during the day you could prepare an extra bit of pasta or rice that yr DH could eat with some defrosted curry or bolognese along with a salad and then you are free to eat whatever?

Also, why not speak to him before the end of the day to see what he wants for supper? My dH likes a proper meal but definitely not every night, sometimes he will say can we have something light as I'm feeling a bit lardy. A bit of communication rarely goes amiss!

You are married and live together, you can't let tiny things like this wind you up or you won't stay married! or I wdn't anyway.

Where is the mention of a big cooked meal here?
I haven't seen it!

Just discussion of something a little more appealing than cheesy bean potatoes.
A good quality, cooked healthy fresh meal with the right balance of protein, good carbs and fat will not make you overweight. Even if you have one every night. However eating too many calories will.

Potatoes, beans and cheese (albeit just one example of the OPs meal) will have more calories than a portion of lean meat, fresh veg with a small amount of good carbs (al dente pasta or basmati rice for example) and I know which I'd rather eat.

A balanced diet with three meals a day will not make you fat.

'Mashed potato with cheese & beans is not a meal, that may be fine for lunch, but not for dinner. Also may be good for people with smaller appetites, but certainly not a 'man-sized' meal. I wouldn't be happy with that for dinner.'

My 6ft. tall husband eats that for dinner often enough. If it's not enough with one, then have two of them.

If he wants this idea of a big meal every night, then he can damn well cook it at least a few times/week. What would he do if he were single? Oh, sort out his own food.

Why's it someone else's job now just because she's got a vagina?

People eat too much meat in this country, too. Hopefully, it will abate the upcoming pension crisis when people die of disease from eating too much damn meat and food (on top of drinking like fish).

It's unsustainable long-term.

Agree with seeker totally

'Where is the mention of a big cooked meal here?
I haven't seen it!'

The OP mentioned it in her second post. He wants meat, potato and veg every night, then within half an hour is poking around moaning he wants more food. Then get up and get it!

Yes expat, too much meat in this country certainly.
The portion sizes of meat that people eat/are served in restaurants should on the whole be smaller.
I buy one chicken and roast it and can then get three meals out of it (including boiling the bones for stock to make soup/casserole).

It's the word big I take issue with, not cooked.

I used to work FT, DH worked part-time. I didn't expect him to be a waiter or a cook just because he was home more than I was.

After all, when I worked FT and was single, I had to come home and get my own meal.

p.s. I've also said in my first post that she shouldn't pander to him, so I'm not suggesting that OP should do everything her DH wants, in the kitchen or otherwise

Sorry, YABU.

DP and I take turns cooking and we take each other's tastes into account. I wouldn't cook something easy, shove it in his face and say 'eat it or else'. That sounds plain rude to me, sorry.

If you want a break, agree to take turns cooking or make double portions, so on the second day you just reheat what you made the day before.

But it sounds like there is another issue in your household regarding distribution of tasks, and that's something you need to work out by talking, not by arguing over food.

Personally I wouldn't serve those two meals either.
But firstly if he doesn't like what I cook dh is perfectly capable of making himself something.
And secondly we always have cheese and biscuits, ham, bread, soup, fruit, dips etc in the fridge .
I also keep things like individual lasagnes that can be cooked from frozen in the freezer. They are pretty bloody handy when you have a 17 year old in the house - he could always have one if those if he was desperate enough.

If mash potato cheese and beans is not enough for him I'm sure the Op wouldn't object to him frying himself up a couple of sausages to accompany it.

My Dh is fussy and will only eat 'proper' meals. This means I am expected to cook for me and the dc and then a seperate meal for him or we all eat stodge every night just because he likes it and he is a man, so what he wants goes or he eats what he is given or prepares his own.

I know which option I like. I am not suggesting the op never cooks anything he likes, but she shouldn't have to do it every night. I cook some meals that DH deems acceptable, some I like and some the dc like. If he doesn't like what we are having or it's not enough he phones himself a take away or cooks omlette and oven chips. Similarly I do not kick up a fuss when he makes cornbeef and potatos, I just do myself a toastie instead.

Yabu. He works all day and quite reasonably wants something nice to look forward to to eat when he gets in. This is not sexism. It would be exactly the same if you worked full-time and he only worked 3 days a week. Can't you try to accommodate him? Give him something to look forward to? Just cook a proper meal for him a few times a week?

seeker personally, I wouldn't fancy the cheesy potato bean things either, but the OP does and that's the point, surely? Why shouldn't she cook stuff she wants sometimes?

'It would be exactly the same if you worked full-time and he only worked 3 days a week. '

How do you know?

Again, I worked FT for years. For over half that time, DH was a SAHD and then he worked PT.

I didn't expect him to have a meal on the table for me. WTF?

That's part of having a family, the day doesn't end at 5PM. You have stuff to do and sort. Tough shit. Don't like it, don't have a family.

We worked together on meal preparation, including the night before or at weekends, doing prep for meals.

Exactly, Dooin!

"give him something to look forward to"... (when he gets home from a hard days man-work)

should she put a ribbon in her hair too ?

The work thing is irrelevant.

It isn't your job to feed him.

He is an adult ffs.

and lol at af's ribbon.
don't forget to make sure the kids are quiet and tidy!