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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the child down the road loitering in my garden all the time?

118 replies

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 10:58

Her family moved in a couple of months ago, have said hello a few times, she seems to be always out in the road (a quiet close) but more and more recently she is hanging around outside our house.

She drops her bike in our drive or on our lawn and just sits there playing with the gravel or the grass. One time I saw her climbing the lamp-post in my neighbour's garden.

Yesterday she knocked on the door to ask if my DCs would be out on their bikes, they are 6 and 3 and the only time they've really played out front is with me when learning to ride their bikes. I told her they were having breakfast and then were going out, which we were, so off she went. As soon as we were home she was back, didn't knock, but just sat on our drive.

This morning she's out there barking like a dog so I looked out to see what the noise was and she says "well, are they coming out today?" I made an excuse about the rain, and she went and again came back sat on the drive howling like a dog.

Sorry this is going on a bit isn't it..

The long and the short of it is how do I get her to go away without upsetting her or her family?

Come to think of it I'm a bit annoyed that her Mum is allowing her to do it.

I should say she's around 9 or 10, and does have older siblings.

OP posts:
mitochondria · 07/05/2011 19:32

We had a girl hanging around last year, when my boys were 5 and 3, she must have been 8 or 9. She would let herself in to our garden and start rummaging in the shed to see what toys they had. It wasn't always convenient, to be honest, and my children were a bit bewildered.
I was also a bit worried by her bouncing on our trampoline - would her parents (if I found them) be cross if she fell off and broke something? Who knows......
Anyway, I posted on here and got a pretty similar response to the OP - that I was mean, churlish and unreasonable not to let this random child into my house to play with my children's toys.
I thought this was odd, too.

I would not be happy if mine were wandering about annoying the neighbours. I don't let them out yet anyway (they are now 6 and 4) as the smaller one has no road sense at all and I'd rather he didn't get run over.

Goblinchild · 07/05/2011 19:34

My DS was a wanderer when he was around 9 or 10, but a solitary soul.
Didn't bother other people, just liked a bit of solitude after the hassle of school.

Goblinchild · 07/05/2011 19:36

I remember your previous thread, mitochondria. I posted on it as I recall, something along the lines of tell her no kindly but firmly and close your gate.
What happened in the end?

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 07/05/2011 19:43

OP YANBU

She isn't your responsibility. If she's lonely/bored then it's her parent's responsibility to make sure she has someone to play with or entertain her themselves.

Goblinchild · 07/05/2011 19:49

There's also a huge difference between 9 or 10, and 6 years old.

mitochondria · 07/05/2011 22:10

Goblinchild - haven't seen her recently. I hope she's found some friends of her own age to play with!

Original poster
yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 23:50

wel after tapping into some parallel universe for a frightening spell, you lot have reinforced that i am 'normal' after all

Thank you and good night...

OP posts:
FlamingFannyDrawers · 07/05/2011 23:57

Throw her a bone.That should shut her up.

GreenEyesandHam · 08/05/2011 00:12

Yes OP, it's ok to ask a 9yr old little girl to go away and not sit on your lawn Hmm

Dear god, gotta love AIBU. What did we do before it existed? Did we ring the council helpline for guidance on such matters?

kidzrfreaky · 08/05/2011 00:27

I sympathise OP. The 10 year old living 2 doors away constantly calls for my dd to go out to play. DD does not like her as the other girl is very controlling. No matter how many times I, or DD, tell her she is not coming out the girl sits on our front garden fence ALL DAY!

DD cannot go to call for her friends down the street because this girl tags along and causes arguments between the other children.

Bloody annoying it is grrrrr.

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 08/05/2011 00:45

Why can you not welcome the child in to play with your children? My dr at this age loved to help out with younger ones and was something of a loiterer. Thank God we had nice neighbours.

TheFlyingOnion · 08/05/2011 09:07

Just caught up with your charming reply to my comment OP - have a Biscuit

2rebecca · 08/05/2011 09:21

I agree with those who say that you should just tell her that your kids are quite a bit younger than her and don't play out. I probably wouldn't invite her in with that sort of age difference. I don't want to be a childminder in my spare time, different if she was a similar age to my kids.
I agree she sounds bored, but it isn't the OP's job to entertain her, her parents could do that.
If she repeatedly sat on my drive howling I'd ask her politely not to, but I suspect once she gets the message that your kids aren't going to play out soon she'll go elsewhere to find friends. Hopefully she'll meet local friends at school soon.

Pumpster · 08/05/2011 09:22

Yanbu but then I am very unsociable unless I have specifically invited people over! I would be polite but firm.

ohnelly · 08/05/2011 09:34

Yanbu

BarryShitpeas · 08/05/2011 09:37

I would ask her in to play with the 6 and 3 year old in the back garden.

Sparkletastic · 08/05/2011 09:40

Yanbu - tell her to sling her hook. Some right bleeding hearts on this thread - let them care for all the annoying intrusive kids....

wubblybubbly · 08/05/2011 10:10

I'd love to have some children loitering around here to play with DS. I think he's missing out on a big part of childhood with no other children around. Another canine child would go down a storm Grin

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 08/05/2011 12:12

What happened to a sense of community spirit?

Were none of you ever lonely as a child?

colditz · 08/05/2011 12:18

I would do what BarryShitPeas suggests.

A 3 year age gap is not massive. Your children will be 6 and 9 in three years. I am telling you now, they will play together. What's the problem with letting a 9 year old play with your 6 year old.

Plus 9 year olds are so helpful to people who are not thir parents!Wink

desperatelyseekingsnoozes · 08/05/2011 12:22

I agree colditz, I can remember that my daughter in particular at that age seemed to always be with a neighbour and there younger children. I checked this was OK, infact she was a real help and they often invited her in.

Original poster
yoshiLunk · 09/05/2011 11:17

Thought I'd give a little update on this. essay warning..

The little girl was out again Sunday morning, DH was doing some DIY and in and out of the house to the garage etc, the DCs and I were out at church.

DH said she was out cycling up and down as usual, she was doing her dog noises but didn't sit on our drive, or not that he noticed. He saw her cycle up other neighbour's drives and at one point was spending some time peering into one of the gardens.

She approached DH and asked why our DCs weren't out playing, he replied that they were out at the moment.

We were home only a few minutes and she knocked on the door to ask for the children to come out and play - so I said sorry I should have been clearer before that really they are too little to play out on their own, she said they won't be alone they'll be with me. I said, I meant with an adult, to young to play out front without an adult, - she was quiet insistent that they would be with her and it's fine because she can play with whoever she likes.

So I said all the same I don't let them play out without a grown-up. I added that later I would be out gardening and we would all be out then, she said 'but it's not fair I haven't got anyone to play with' So I told her again that later on we would be out and if she's about of course she can see them then. She shrugged and off she went.

After lunch we did go out and she came over on her bike, DCs got their bikes and were 'racing' with her - all fine except she was saying they were so slow and she was the winner and they were loser's etc. Then she started going beyond the end of the close doing a big loop out onto the main road, - there are blind bends to the left and right so I said they had to stay inside the close, - she kept saying they're fine I'm looking after them. I told her no, they are not allowed and please don't lead them out of the road otherwise I would have to make them stay close to the house.

sorry this is turning into an essay

After about 1/2 hour DS2 fell off his bike, no-one's fault, so I took him in to patch him up, taking DS1 with with - she wasn't happy about this at all, so I told her don't worry we would be out again shortly once we'd cheered him up a bit. She sat down in a strop on my lawn, - and was still there when we got back out.

They played for about another half hour, and I said I was just about done with the weeding so we'd be going in soon - just to give her some pre-warning. - the DCs had had enough by then anyway and didn't object - but she did, stropped off home and threw her bike down outside her house and went in slamming the door.

So that went well..

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 09/05/2011 11:20

She's probably just not used to people giving her firm boundaries. I think you did well.

WalterFlipschicks · 09/05/2011 11:31

Agree with aldiwhore

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 09/05/2011 11:33

I think you handled it well. It pisses me off no end when other people expect random neighbours to entertain their DC. I actually found a picnic going on on my front lawn when I first moved in, and when I asked the five children what they were doing, was told 'it's ok, our mum's know we're here'. I just politely said that I'd rather they played in their own gardens as my DS was only a baby at the time.

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