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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want the child down the road loitering in my garden all the time?

118 replies

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 10:58

Her family moved in a couple of months ago, have said hello a few times, she seems to be always out in the road (a quiet close) but more and more recently she is hanging around outside our house.

She drops her bike in our drive or on our lawn and just sits there playing with the gravel or the grass. One time I saw her climbing the lamp-post in my neighbour's garden.

Yesterday she knocked on the door to ask if my DCs would be out on their bikes, they are 6 and 3 and the only time they've really played out front is with me when learning to ride their bikes. I told her they were having breakfast and then were going out, which we were, so off she went. As soon as we were home she was back, didn't knock, but just sat on our drive.

This morning she's out there barking like a dog so I looked out to see what the noise was and she says "well, are they coming out today?" I made an excuse about the rain, and she went and again came back sat on the drive howling like a dog.

Sorry this is going on a bit isn't it..

The long and the short of it is how do I get her to go away without upsetting her or her family?

Come to think of it I'm a bit annoyed that her Mum is allowing her to do it.

I should say she's around 9 or 10, and does have older siblings.

OP posts:

virgiltracey · 07/05/2011 11:27

Do you mind her playing with your DCs? If not then why don't you speak to her parents to check thye are happy with it and invite her into the back garden where they can all play together safely?

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 11:28

Thanks to those who have offered suggestions (rather than criticise my choices), I guess I should have been straight with her from the start but I didn't think things would play out like this.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 11:29

Well just be straight with her the next time she knocks.

If she's a nice little girl, maybe give her a knock the next time you're on the way to the park with your DC and see if she can come along.

ScousyFogarty · 07/05/2011 11:40

Yosh, its a difficult one, good luck with it

aldiwhore · 07/05/2011 11:56

Invite her in to play and tell her she can come for an hour every tuesday, if she stops sitting on your drive... or something, but be clear because 'not now' means 'later on' to a kid. I wouldn't send her away or get rid, but lay down some rules, give a little, be firm.

Or you could scare her away, but that would be mean. I wouldn't involve her parents, they might end up sitting on your drive too.

dittany · 07/05/2011 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kitkatya · 07/05/2011 15:13

Do you think she would be a bad influence on your children or something? If not I would let her play in the back garden with them. She might get bored quickly anyway, as there is an age gap.

Actually, I think a nine year old barking like a dog isnt quite right and Im surprised most of you are saying this is normal behaviour. For a nine year old??

susall · 07/05/2011 15:27

Unless its family I would not be happy to let a 9yo play with my younger kids (4). I dont let my twins play out of the garden at all, we live in a dead end street which does not in any way stop cars driving fast, if anything its worse as we are r-shaped so the corner is blind.
Sitting out in the street is one thing but planting yourself on someones drive is strange and I for one would be highly embarrased if any of my 3 kids had done that. My eldest is 10 and when he is told someone is not coming out he goes away and finds someone else to play with or something else to do.
I agree with what others have said about how you worded yourself, you need to be clearer, leaving no doubt that your children wont be playing out of their garden anytime in the near future.

MoonGirl1981 · 07/05/2011 15:31

I'm sooooooooooo freaked out by the idea of a child howling like a dog on your drive. I've never heard of that before, not amongst children.

You need to chat to her parents. My son is only a year younger than that and I can't imagine a situation where I'd allow him to wander off and sit on a driveway. It's all incredibly strange!

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:32

Again you've said I'm cold Dittany If I was cold I wouldn't be on here asking for suggestions how not to upset her and her family.

She is 9 maybe 10, and she wants to play with my young children 3 and 6, I say again I do feel sorry that she's bored but why should it be down to me and my children to keep her entertained? when I don't want them playing out fron (my parenting choice) I don't see what's cold about that, I've never been unfriendly to her, I just don't think it's fair that she's allowed to sit outside my house waiting for one of us to come out!

And as for and all someone can think about is how to get her off their drive, not what might be troubling her I'm not about to start digging into my neighbour's business, we wave and say hello but that's it. But if you feel social services need to be contacted about this child that's your opinion - bit OTT if you ask me.

OP posts:

activate · 07/05/2011 15:34

If she's bothering you tell her to go home

activate · 07/05/2011 15:35

You can say it nicely say "You know the dog noises are really bothering me, please go home, my children are too young to play out I'm sorry"

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:37

sorry x post with you MoonGirl, I am a bit pissed off that they're allowing her to do it - and if they don't know she's doing it - they don't know where she is do they?

Maybe she is a little odd, - not dangerous odd - just unusual. I think the barking and howling thing was to get my attention without actually knocking on the door again - yes it is odd I guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:38

I think that's the answer activate nice and straight forward.

OP posts:

MoonGirl1981 · 07/05/2011 15:40

It's very odd! Dog and cat noises are very common in people with dementia, I didn't know children did it!

Surely the parents notice that she isn't there? Aren't they worried? Or asked you if she's allowed to come round and play?

IngridBergman · 07/05/2011 15:41

She sounds lonely and bored. Maybe her folks go out and leave her alone all day? That would be a cause for concern.

I think if I were you I would be moved to have a little talk with her. Ask her what's up, why she isn't playing with her sibs, tell her your kids are too little to play out the front just now.

Find out what's going on and you might find she either leaves you alone because she doesn't want to answer more questions, or she tells you what the issue is and you can then act accordingly.

MoonGirl1981 · 07/05/2011 15:45

Maybe she's desperate for a loving family life and likes the look of you?

I do feel a bit sorry for her.

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:48

You're scaring me now MoonGirl

OP posts:

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:52

I think I'll explain to her that they're too young to play out front, but I don't mind when I'm out there say gardening or washing the car, and tell her she's welcome to come and see them if she see us all out there. My fault, I've dealt with it wrong from the start.

The parents are there, the cars are there and the Dad is in and out to his van etc, I really don't think she's at risk in any way, but I will play it by ear on that one.

OP posts:

TheFlyingOnion · 07/05/2011 15:55

ifitsnotanarse we had someone like you on our street when I was little. Such a miserable old couple and always yelling at the kids for breathing on their front garden.

It was a red rag to a bull and we used to dare each other to run across their lawn, ring their bell etc....

You sound UR

Original poster

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 15:57

I was just about to tell you to fuck off when I realise that was aimed at someone else

Hell, fuck off anyway, i like ifitsnotanarse's style

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 07/05/2011 15:57

'It's very odd! Dog and cat noises are very common in people with dementia, I didn't know children did it!'

Not been in a school playground for a while?
It's also an attention-seeking noise, less annoying than yelling and you don't have to think about what to say.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2011 16:04

Apparently TheFlyingOnion likes screaming competitions outside her house

prettymuchapixiegirl · 07/05/2011 16:07

I would do as Activate suggests; it isn't your problem if this girl doesn't like her home life or is bored. I'm amazed that some on here are suggesting it is your problem.

MoonGirl1981 · 07/05/2011 16:12

I'm in a school playground every day. Also used to work with children.

Never came across anything like that.

Yes, they'd pretend to each other they were dogs and bark but sitting alone and howling?? No, no.

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