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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the child down the road loitering in my garden all the time?

118 replies

yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 10:58

Her family moved in a couple of months ago, have said hello a few times, she seems to be always out in the road (a quiet close) but more and more recently she is hanging around outside our house.

She drops her bike in our drive or on our lawn and just sits there playing with the gravel or the grass. One time I saw her climbing the lamp-post in my neighbour's garden.

Yesterday she knocked on the door to ask if my DCs would be out on their bikes, they are 6 and 3 and the only time they've really played out front is with me when learning to ride their bikes. I told her they were having breakfast and then were going out, which we were, so off she went. As soon as we were home she was back, didn't knock, but just sat on our drive.

This morning she's out there barking like a dog so I looked out to see what the noise was and she says "well, are they coming out today?" I made an excuse about the rain, and she went and again came back sat on the drive howling like a dog.

Sorry this is going on a bit isn't it..

The long and the short of it is how do I get her to go away without upsetting her or her family?

Come to think of it I'm a bit annoyed that her Mum is allowing her to do it.

I should say she's around 9 or 10, and does have older siblings.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 07/05/2011 11:01

You should tell her that your kids aren't allowed to play out.

It sounds as though she thinks they are...that's why she's 'waiting' for them.

CalamityKate · 07/05/2011 11:01

Aww, poor thing sounds bored and lonely :(

I do sympathise with you though; I wouldn't want her hanging around all the time.

kitkatya · 07/05/2011 11:03

Oh, this post makes me sad Sad Poor thing, I feel sorry for her. Howling like a dog though? that doesnt seem right.

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 11:04

why is your six year old not allowed to play out?

RitaMorgan · 07/05/2011 11:05

Why don't you tell her your kids aren't allowed to play out?

dittany · 07/05/2011 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allgonebellyup · 07/05/2011 11:07

squeaky- i don't let my dc play out - and they are 11 and 7 !
We are on quite a busy road though.

allgonebellyup · 07/05/2011 11:08

dittany- thats a bit harsh?

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 11:09

You dont let an ELEVEN year old play out Shock

I grew up on a busy main road, it didnt stop me going out to play. We didnt play in the actual road!

Original poster
yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 11:10

No I'm not cold at all, I do actually feel sorry for her (which is why I've asked for advice on how not to upset her )

however lonely or bored she may be I don't see why I must give her my children to play with and keep her amused and happy.

OP posts:
dittany · 07/05/2011 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 11:12

There is probably nothing bothering her other than she is bored and has no-one to play out with!

dittany · 07/05/2011 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dexter73 · 07/05/2011 11:13

I don't think pretending to be a dog is worrying. The 2 boys near us make car noises nearly all day but that doesn't mean they are unhappy or neglected.

youmeatsix · 07/05/2011 11:13

I dont think you need to "give her your children to play with" but in a childs mind, the answers you gave may have left her thinking "ok not now but maybe later they will be coming out"
i would just say that they are too young to be playing out

she can then try and find other children to play with

she does sound rather lonely

JaneFonda · 07/05/2011 11:16

Are there any other children on your road?

Say your DCs aren't allowed to play out, and suggest she asks the other children.

If it continues, can you talk to her mum about it?

DooinMeCleanin · 07/05/2011 11:16

Barking and howling is not behaving in a concerning way. Dd2 has been a Yorkshire Terrier for at least 18 months now Grin, she is happy.

I do feel sorry for this girl though. Surely your 6yo would love to play in the garden with her? I like my 7yo being out with friends. She has loads of them round here. I have just walked her home from my friends and we were accosted by children asking her to go with them at least 3 times. She is in a mood today because I won't take her to the shop to buy crap with the money my friend gave her.

Original poster
yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 11:18

I dont want my children playing out front because

one of them is only 3
they have a perfectly good back garden to play in where I know they're safe
I respect that some of my elderly neighbours like their peace
I don't want them getting run over, - I'm a bit funny like that Wink

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 07/05/2011 11:19

You say you live in a quiet close though, so hardly going to be much traffic. I would have thought a 6yr old should be allowed to play with friends.

worraliberty · 07/05/2011 11:20

you do sound a bit funny I must admit.

'Giving your child to her to play with'?? Confused

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 07/05/2011 11:20

I think you need to tell her that your children are a bit young to be playing out and you don't let them play on the street.

And perhaps direct her to a local park? or to a house with slightly older children?

Or have a word with the mum and ask her to let her daughter know that your children are much younger than her and don't play out in the street yet.

RitaMorgan · 07/05/2011 11:21

Why don't you tell her your children can't play out rather than giving her vague excuses?

Does it really matter if she is "loitering" anyway?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 07/05/2011 11:22

oh, and there is nothing wrong with you for not wanting your 3 & 6 yr old to play on the street. There's no reason why you have to do that and you don't need to justify your decision.

Just gently guide her to other children her own age. She'll have more fun with them anyway, rather than a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old.

ifitsnotanarse · 07/05/2011 11:23

The kids on my road do the same thing as the gardens are all open (bloody stupid builder). Drives me mad. But I go out and ask why they are sitting/playing/pulling flowers in my garden and then tell them to beggar off. We had older girls hanging around our road last summer, and one evening they decided to have a screaming competition outside my house. I went outside, asked them what the hell they were doing, and told them (very politely I might add) to feck off back to their road and do it outside their house -see what their parents thought. They've not been back playing since Grin.
I say feck the parents and tell her to push off

Original poster
yoshiLunk · 07/05/2011 11:23

ok worraliberty I was be a bit facetious with that phrase, my point is yes, she may be bored but why should that be my problem?

OP posts: