I am being BLACKMAILED

[bupcakesandcunting]

By some divvy on eBay

I bought a Benefit eyeliner off her for the princely sum of £4.20. Got it today and it's fake. I sent her this email:

"Hi,

I got the pencil this morning and I am really disappointed to see that it's a fake. It explains why it was so cheap but I buy Benefit a lot so I know a fake when I see it!

Can I have a refund please?"

She sent this reply:

"Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are not happy with the item, as far as my wholesaler states these are not fake but imports from USA, customer satisfaction is my priority and I would not knowingly sell fake items. As you are not happy I am willing to send a full refund once good feedback as been given. I wait for your reply.

Kind regards"

I just sent one back going "Hmmm, pretty sure that's blackmail."

Or is it bribery? I don't know. But still! Cheeky sod.

Should I leave shit feedback and sod the £4 or get therefund but lie? I am thinking of letting her keep the four quid and writing "SCRUBBY FUCK" as her feedback.

I am so out of sync....

Never mind :(

what's behind the curtain?

quickly cups reindeer bollocks to calm her

I'm sorry, Reindeer. But I find your bollocks disturbing. They're putting me off my scotch egg.

I think I saw Jenny Eclair once. In the world. In shops. With her Mum.

My bollocks are lovely

You can even fistula them...

y'know that noise it makes when you cup some bollocks or just give em a light pat.

Tup, that's what it says! Tup.

That's onomatopeia that is.

mm I could nibble on a scotch egg

I'm sorry Reindeer, but your bollocks disturb me. They're putting me off my scotch egg.

Thank you WhipMe

I'm still not up for fanny mashing though, even though you are lovely

Tup.

mmm. just tested on dh. he looks puzzled.

Ooh. Two bollock posts. Damn you, weird internet connection.

chickens - you have a malfunction!

I have snorted quite a few times reading this thread. I meant to only read the first page, but you sucked me in. Most indecent of you all.

You probably have to say it to him as you do it the first few times then it'll stick.

Part the ballbag burka first mind!

two bollock posts . enough to build a fence?

A two bollock insult post!!

You are the first, chickens (and hopefully the last).

I could eat an eclair...if that makes me a screaming lesbian then so be it!

hmm, a fence of bollocks might smell bad in the summer

no need to get drunk Tott for I have had but ONE small china mug of wine.

Trinity however got smashed, confessed al & went to bed with cheese on her chin.

And it would attract vermin. And possibly Dale Winton.

gasping and begging lesbians are as good as the screamers, tbh

worraliberty offers to eat jenny eclair -lez up now!

I never get drunk I'm too damn boring for that. Plus it gives me seizures.

Still, I'm very good at pretending to get drunk...

of all the cream cakes, I would argue the eclair was quite hetero