To be shocked at how many mners seem to condone smacking

[Cat98]

I am not talking about people who have smacked in anger and post saying "oh no, I lost it and smacked my DC" - everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect! I am talking about those who use smacking as a considered, pre meditated form of punishment/discipline. I know this was discussed a lot on another thread a few days ago, and I was pretty much told "each to their own" - but I am genuinely surprised that it seems to be a popular method here?

ok glitterball what are the 'good' ways to disapline your dc?

discipline even

Smacking is often the beginning of a slippery slope towards really serious abuse. What happens when you've smacked a few times, say on the bum, and they've become desensitised to that and it doesn't work any more? You need to hit them harder, and more often. And so it goes.

Cannot stand to hear parents talking about their 'right' to hit their child. Disgusting. Noone has the right to hurt anyone else. Think about your responsibilities, not your rights.

glitterballmama

Please accept my apolgies. My post was in response to sicko.

And just as people who don't smack get annoyed by the idea that people who do smack think they don't discipline their children, it irritates me that people who do smack are accused of doing it at every opportunity rather than it being one of the things they do (usually as a last resort).

Well I knocked my kids to the ground earlier and gave them a good tickling and blew a big fat raspberry on DDs chubby little buns. I didnt leave a mark, but DS was slightly affronted.

cheers K9.

sickof holidays [grin[]

Glitter do you not think most sane parents do that?

Regarding my one and only time in 7 years with 3 kids I gave a tap I did that with bells on,made not a jot of difference.I'm sure Sickof did the same, sooooooo as I said what is one to do? Bellow(for how long)?

I always reason,explain yada yada yada. Most of the time it works,on a few occasions it doesn't.

Well put Sickof.

Oh glitter have a word with yourself will you? If that was the case do you REALLY think smacking would still be legal in the UK and a bill to ban it would have been turned down so many times?

Cannydoit I've already said, there are many good methods of discipline, centred for me around positive discipline, not around hurting or humiliating your child. The NSPCC have a good guide to positive parenting - that's the NSPCC, experts on children, who strongly recommend never smacking a child. I think they probably know what they're talking about.

'Smacking is often the beginning of a slippery slope towards really serious abuse'
i think this is the most ridicules statement i have ever heard.

I love the argument that you should treat a child the same as an adult. What a load of bull.

I have never had to send an adult up to their bedroom; tell them there's no pudding if they don't try to eat their dinner; brush an adults hair whilst they stand their screaming 'it's KNOTTTTTTTTY'; yank an adults hand to stop them running into a road; carry a tantrumming adult out of a shop under my arm.

In WHAT way is parenting a child the same as the relationships you have with the adults in your life???

And I am also boggled as to why everyone thinks smacking (not hitting) leads to violent behaviour. My mum smacked me a good few times when I was a child, but is/was a loving parent and I couldn't ask for a better mum. As a child she taught me never to hit back if I was picked on, whereas a lot of other children I knew were told to defend themselves, hit back etc etc.

I NEVER once thought my mum was a hypocrite for giving me the odd smack, and yet telling me not to be violent to others. I respected her, and I have never once hit/bullied anyone.

In fact, here's exactly what the NSPCC say-

Why smacking is never a good idea
Parents may believe there are occasions when only a smack will do. For
example, your child is really cheeky and disobedient; your toddler runs into
the road; one of your children bites a playmate. It can be tempting to think a
smack sorts out these incidents quickly, but in fact it does nothing to teach
your child how you want him to behave. Instead, it:
? gives a bad example of how to handle strong emotions

? may lead children to hit or bully others

? may lead chidlren to lie, or hide feelings, to avoid smacking

? can make defiant, uncooperative behaviour worse, so discipline
becomes even harder

? children feel resentful and angry, which can spoil family
relationships if it goes on for a long time.
Top ten ways to be a great parent without smacking

1. give love and warmth as much as possible
2. have clear, simple rules and limits
3. be a good example
4. praise good behaviour so it will increase
5. ignore behaviour you don't want repeated
6. criticise behaviours, not your child
7. reward good behaviour by hugs and kisses
8. distract younger children or use humour
9. allow children some control - choices, joint decisions

10. if a punishment is necessary, then removal of privileges, 'time out', or natural consequences all work better than smacking.

So all the children who were smacked growing up were abused in years to come were they?

Gemsy, I'm afraid it's you who needs to 'have a word with yourself' ... you think it's ok to hit children! Smacking is illegal in many countries across the world and eventually it will be banned here, it's just a matter of time.

springbok - if it is used as alast resor, what do you do when the smack doesn't work? Smack again? Smack harder? where do you stop? and when you do stop what does that teach the child? if you tough it out you will win. or worse still, you need to hit harder first time in order to get your own way.

Glitter you're overdramatising. I was smacked,I don't smack.I've done it once 2 years ago,there was no slippery slope.

I think you'll find shouting is a far harder pattern to break.

Cannydoit,'Smacking is often the beginning of a slippery slope towards really serious abuse'
i think this is the most ridicules statement i have ever heard.

If that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard you clearly do not get out much, I'm afraid it is a proven fact!

So do many others...its personal choice. A perfectly legal one. One that you may not agree with but a choice all the same. All the over dramatising in the world does not change that.

Your list Glitter is a little outdated as childminders are not allowed to use "time out" now.

Oh and I do everything on your list,there are still times when none of it works.

note how it says can and may cause, not will and shall.

Sorry Mamaz0n I think that we just fundamentally disagree on this (obviously :) ) - I just think that this idea that it's a slippery slope and all that is not right . It makes it seem that there are these hoards of women who if they ever smack their kids the next thing you know they will be beating them up with a baseball bat. I just think that people who abuse their children will abuse their children - I don't think if they avoided the first smack that nothing bad would ever have happened after that.

Love being told that hitting a child happens and I should get over it. It will eventually be banned here and then what will you all do. I am hiding thread now but onething is for sure you must feel pretty powerless in other areas to get your fix hitting your own child!

It's not always the case that smacking leads to worse abuse, if you read my post you'll see I said it's often the beginning of a slippery slope.