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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at how many mners seem to condone smacking

780 replies

Cat98 · 03/05/2011 13:47

I am not talking about people who have smacked in anger and post saying "oh no, I lost it and smacked my DC" - everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect! I am talking about those who use smacking as a considered, pre meditated form of punishment/discipline. I know this was discussed a lot on another thread a few days ago, and I was pretty much told "each to their own" - but I am genuinely surprised that it seems to be a popular method here?

OP posts:
GORGEOUSX · 03/05/2011 20:32

Gosh the OP has really succeeded in starting a bunfight (which she obviously knew it would descend into, as she admitted this had already been recently discussed).

Agree with Gemsy and Sickoftheholidays in just about everything they said.

And, yes, OP as you have already been told, apparently, EACH TO THEIR OWN.

I find a good thrashing first thing in the morning sets my DC up nicely for the day. Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 20:32

Mamaz0n... I was one of the posters who said you were very pretty, so you are, but your attitude really stinks, you're being really pompous and self-aggrandising. Good parenting is a wide spectrum of so many variables and none of those 'attributes' are worth passing on to children.

There's a flaw in the behaviour of many children these days and it's lack of discipline. You only have to go into a school and see it. Small children are relatively easy to teach, when they get to secondary school the trouble really starts and the 'naughty step' really doesn't seem to work.

Gemsy83 · 03/05/2011 20:33

My daughter is in bed- why would I need to discuss anything with her? I assume thats the case for most people (why am I even responding to such an idiotic comment?)

marzipananimal · 03/05/2011 20:33

What is this Mumsnet demographic that has supposedly changed for the worse? I would imagine I fit the mumsnet stereotype yet I don't thing smacking (used appropriately) is wrong

cricketballs · 03/05/2011 20:33

Jeremy Kyle

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:33

K999

How do you mean? Do you mean spitting?

LaurieFairyCake · 03/05/2011 20:34

Grin at Mamazon

springbokdoc · 03/05/2011 20:34

Oh please. It does not. There seems to be this massive disparity between what happens in real life and what people seem to think happen when posting on an internet forum. There aren't swathes of violent kids bred by parents who the only thing they did 'wrong' (in your view) is smack. It belies the complex reasons why children are violent/tolerant to violence. To say it was because they tapped on the legs when they were little is frankly ridiculous.

Mamaz0n · 03/05/2011 20:35

My attitude on this thread is a direct response the ridiculous arguments people are making in order to justify assaulting a child.

To disciplin does not equate to assault.

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:35

marzipan of course gently putting my wriggling toddler into her car seat without hurting her is not violent. Belting her to teach her right from wrong because I'm too ignorant and lazy to bother parenting her properly is violent.

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:37

LaurieFairyCake

As a foster parent, is it deemed acceptable to smack a child?

MilaMae · 03/05/2011 20:37

Noddy the fact is most do seek alternatives but occasionally you know shit happens,big deal get over it.

So a few have tapped,a few(probably a lot have bellowed),some have resorted to public humiliation,hissing,frogmarching whatever.Kids can be major PITAs we do our best but occasionally most normal mums find out they're not Mary Poppins.You apologise,resolve to do better and move on.

Anyhow moving aside from the rather tedious obsessives nobody has answered my question as to what is the right way to discipline as kids do need to be disciplined or are we now all expected to be living in a UP world turning a blind eye to shite behaviour where little Johnny rams trollies into old ladies?

SueSylvesterforPM · 03/05/2011 20:37

Im getting that atm tbh being told to smack my child when every bone in my body is saying no!

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:38

And it's sad that people cannot separate smacking from discipline. Not smacking does not mean that my children are allowed to do whatever they want - far from it! I just don't need to hit them to teach them how to behave, why is that so hard for some of you to grasp?

smartyparts · 03/05/2011 20:39

My grandparents hit their children because they knew no better.

For the same reason, they smoked.

Nowadays we are more informed, we are encouraged to make informed choices. We have the benefit of research and hindsight.

I can't believe that anyone even tries to justify hitting their child. I have been a parent for 12 years, so I feel I have come across pretty much every scenario with either my children or others in which the decision to hit or deal with it in a rational, controlled manner has occurred.

And to all you 'empty vessels' out there who think 'it never did me any harm', I'll direct you to a bit of Larkin, Grin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

sickoftheholidays · 03/05/2011 20:39

osama, punching a child in the stomach does leave a mark though. I've worked in A&E and seen enough cases of child abuse to know, believe me. What some parents do to their children truly sickens me, and I find it deeply offensive that a single smack could is being compared to some of the stuff I have seen. I respect your opinion that smacking is wrong, but I was making the point that it is only your opinion, and not against the law. Personally, I think that smoking in the car with kids in it is vile, however it is not against the law, and I would not consider reporting it to SS or the police. It is not my choice, but it is also none of my business to judge others, and I would not dream of using the type of offensive language I have been subjected to on this thread.

cannydoit · 03/05/2011 20:39

ahhhhh i see thank you cricket. now there is something to really make your skin crawl...shudders.
no not a big jk fan but do think if you wish to attack someone's point of view you should expect an equal and frank exchange.

Gemsy83 · 03/05/2011 20:40

Well said Sickof

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:40

glitterballmama

Perhaps you are right. I manage several people in the work place. Sometimes I need to discipline them. Would it be acceptable for me to give them a smack, after all, it would save alot of time and resources.

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:40

Mila Mae there are many good ways to discipline a child. It's a no brainer to understand that hitting them is not one of them.

I would have thought that taking the time to tell them that their behaviour must stop, why it must stop, and once they have understood this, to tell them what they should do next time in the same situation, is a good start.

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:42

sickoftheholidays

fair comment. Any tips on how I can assault my child without leaving a mark, though.

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:42

Osama, I'm sorry, I'm confused. Of course you should not smack your employees, I'm not sure why you inferred that I would think that?

Mamaz0n · 03/05/2011 20:42

Smartypants - I love that!

marzipananimal · 03/05/2011 20:42

obviously glitter I mean if your toddler is resisting being strapped in, it may well hurt a bit as you do it but that is not violence

K999 · 03/05/2011 20:42

Osama - there is no necessity for any physical contact for there to be a crime of assault (am in Scotland). The essence of the crime is a deliberate attack on the person of another. There is not requirement for the attack to be successful or for the attack to follow through to physical contact, therefore if I come towards you brandishing a sword in circumstances where it can be clearly inferred that it was my intention to attack you, I have committd the crime if assault, even though I have not actually touched you at all. There is no crime of attempted assault in Scotland so if I throw a brick at you and miss, that is still the crime of assault. It is the mens rea that is crucial. Smacking is therefore an assault unless the defence of reasonable chastisement can be made out.