Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at how many mners seem to condone smacking

780 replies

Cat98 · 03/05/2011 13:47

I am not talking about people who have smacked in anger and post saying "oh no, I lost it and smacked my DC" - everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect! I am talking about those who use smacking as a considered, pre meditated form of punishment/discipline. I know this was discussed a lot on another thread a few days ago, and I was pretty much told "each to their own" - but I am genuinely surprised that it seems to be a popular method here?

OP posts:
noddyholder · 03/05/2011 20:21

All the pro smackers are so quick to call people who choose not to earth mothers perfect etc when I don't think anyone is claiming that. Your kids probably expect more of you deep down. It is common decency and self respect not to raise your hand to someone out of frustration. The only time you should hit out is in self defence and if you keep hitting your kids you might find you will have to,you are teaching them that a smack will diffuse a situation they find disagreeable.

K999 · 03/05/2011 20:22

I didn't know that assault=parenting technique!!

Mamaz0n · 03/05/2011 20:24

When is the next MN census due? I would be fascinated to see one taken now with the one we did a couple of years back.

springbokdoc · 03/05/2011 20:24

Osama hit them will all their strength?? Since when has anyone said they would do that to their child?? That's not smacking that is assault.

cricketballs · 03/05/2011 20:25

did I forget to mention then that my eldest has been up for assault/GBH/ABH since he had his first slap (3 in total in 16 years) and told the courts that he felt it the normal thing to do? Oh, sorry that was another life and in fact he is a very well adjusted, academic, sporty and lovely young man Shock

cannydoit · 03/05/2011 20:25

noddy to be fair we only do that after quite along time of having to defend ourselves and parenting choices against the anti smacking brigade, who are fairly harsh in raining down their judgments. so at the risk of sounding all playground. dont dish it out if you cant take it.

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:26

cannydoit

I can only interpret me as boring you to mean I am winning the argument. OK then, let me simplify this for you. If I just give a stranger a gentle tap and not beat the shit out of them, is this still assault? If it is only a gentle tap, then what purpose does it serve?

noddyholder · 03/05/2011 20:26

I know please enlighten on this technique! It is a smack there is no technique. I am amazed that no one has admitted they do it but know it is wrong and are seeking alternatives. What sort of kids do you have that you have to hit them in supermarkets!Also if my child was about to have an accident where he might hurt himself I certainly wouldn't consider hurting him to teach him a lesson. the whole argument for smacking is flawed. You have basically lost it. I didn't breast feed my son for medical reasons but I know that it would have been better for him and i don't dispute that. Sometimes you have to admit you are wrong

MilaMae · 03/05/2011 20:26

Hmmmm now as a whole lot of parents occasionally tap their kids(most in my town I suspect) one wonders what exactly the police would do if a loon was to ring hysterically proclaiming they'd just seen a tantruming 6 year old tapped -oh yes I do know snort into their tea.

SS and the police can barely cope with abusive parents let alone parents who occasionally tap their dc when they're totally beyond reasoning with.

smartyparts · 03/05/2011 20:26

I agree Mamaz0n, I think there's been a palpable shift in the demographic on here and not in a good way.

(I have been on here for many years but have name-changed)

marzipananimal · 03/05/2011 20:26

mamazon (and others with similar views) - do you never use physical force on your child (eg. to put them on the naughty step or back into bed, to strap them into their car seat, or remove them from hitting/biting someone else)? You wouldn't do these to another adult and you are using your superior size and strength over them. YOU CAN'T MAKE THE ADULT COMPARISON!

What do you say about people like my parents - well educated, kind, loving, never lost their tempers with us, never swore, rarely shouted, but occasionally delivered a smack in a calm manner after fair warning as a punishment for bad behaviour and a deterrent to further misbehaving? They've managed to bring up 3 well adjusted children. Smacking, used appropriately is NOT violence. Shouting angrily or swearing is violence IMO (and obviously physical violence does occur and is unacceptable).

sickoftheholidays · 03/05/2011 20:27

glitterball, if you had reported me for what I did to my DS in the supermarket, the police would not have been interested, as smacking is legal in the UK provided that you do not leave a mark. Also, you could feel free to report me to SS and waste some social workers time but I very much doubt that they would consider my parenting enough of an issue to do more than a very cursory investigation.

noddyholder · 03/05/2011 20:27

"don't dish it out if you can;t take it' PMSL you have been watching JK!

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:28

My eldest DD has never been smacked though I know for a fact her three closest friends were.

Recently at her high school two boys got into a fight. She said that her three friends stood and LAUGHED at it whilst DD was horrified and said it made her feel really upset to watch.

I'm afraid it's a fact that violence breeds not only more violence (as those who were smacked and go on to smack themselves testify) but it also results in a higher tolerance of violence in general.

cricketballs · 03/05/2011 20:28

the fact that my DS is still alive, not scarred and has never played with a hot tap again is more than enough justification for me - at the time he was not old enough to have the 'lets sit and discuss.....'

Gemsy83 · 03/05/2011 20:29

I totally agree there are some instances when smacking kids is wrong- out of temper, to teach them hitting is wrong etc. I am also not narrow minded enough to see there are some instances when it IS okay. And I dont care if others agree or disagree but to label people abusers/lazy etc is just being down right insulting.

K999 · 03/05/2011 20:29

Osama...you don't even have to touch someone for it to be an assault...Wink

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:29

MilaMae

Actually, I'm guessing that someone reporting an assault on someone else would be taken very seriously. What a warped view of the world you have. I feel so sorry for you kids, seriously.

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:30

Marzipan, I'm sorry, if smacking isn't violence, I don't know what it is. How ridiculous. Of course inflicting pain on another human beingn is violent.

People like your parents who deliver violence in a calm controlled way make my skin crawl. And you are not well adjusted if you think hurting a child is not violence.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/05/2011 20:31

Yes, I never use physical force on the teenagers I've fostered. That would be utterly ridiculous as they are all much larger and stronger than me.

I have been taught restraint/distraction/removal techniques for younger children.

I agree there has been a shift on mumsnet - and not in the right direction. As I stated earlier I totally understand someone being pushed to the edge as I've been there and it is only through training that I have managed to avoid an inappropriate response.

I am as far from 'earth mother' as it's possible to be Hmm

marzipananimal · 03/05/2011 20:31

is it violent then to use your superior strength to strap your wriggling toddler into their car seat glitterballmama?

glitterballmama · 03/05/2011 20:32

Also funny that people have the time to hurt their children to teach them a lesson, and have the time to sit on Mumsnet defending it, but say they don't have the time to sit and discuss why crossing a busy road or touching something hot is wrong.

Make the time. It doesn't take long. Stop being lazy and hurting your child to get your point across, and learn about how to parent properly.

osamabinladensmrs · 03/05/2011 20:32

sickoftheholidays

Fair enough, re, your comments about not leaving a mark. punching them in the stomach is probably best in your opinion, then. Jesus christ, there are some sicko's on here.

cannydoit · 03/05/2011 20:32

jk?

Mamaz0n · 03/05/2011 20:32

laurie - stop lying, you are a lentil weaving, sandal wearing, dreadlock growing earth mummy just admit it. you must be, or else you'd be slapping the backs of those legs like a good'un. [wunk]

Swipe left for the next trending thread