To feel resentful about not being given any chances to have a career?

[Pushmeinthepool]

Does anyone else feel that they've never stood a chance in life of doing anything that a) they enjoy or b) that pays well? I did well at school, and got very good grades at GCSE. I'd always wanted to be a doctor but at 16 my parents (who were very controlling) decided that I should leave school and do a shitty secretarial course at the local college rather than do A-levels. Once the secretarial course was finished I was forced to get a job or risked being thrown out. And of course, once I'd been a "secretary" no company would take me seriously in wanting to do something else. I got taken on in an estate agents as a negotiator but once the manager realised I had secretarial qualifications he decided that I could be the office admin assistant instead, so my chances of earning well through commission etc was gone.

I got married to my first husband, who was also very controlling and at that time i had a job working in logistics planning, which wasn't well paid but could have been had I progressed up the career ladder. I had my first DD and my husband at the time and my mum decided that I should be "at home with my baby" and my mum wrote up my notice to give to my job and my husband took it into my workplace. So I had no say in the matter.

I haven't really worked now since then (I'm now 34); I've re-married and my DH has a well paid job, but I feel completely robbed of any chance of doing well. I've lost all my confidence for working. This area is also a very low-paid area in general (DH London based so earns ok); a salary of 9k is advertised in the local paper as being a competitive salary. A high paid job in this town/area is probably 30k, there are no jobs that earn more than that.

I know it sounds like i'm blaming others but I do feel really resentful and like I've had no chances in life regarding work; I'd like to do something challenging, that I enjoy and that will eventually be well paid. Am I too old to carve a career? Where the flip do I start?

You’re on a journey of learning about yourself and feeling enlightened by your own path and limitations that have set you back . Being aware of them and feeling a loss for the potential you have is just part of the process of moving into the next better phase of being you . Congratulations you’re growing and developing. Now for the next exciting opportunity .

You’ll get loads of suggestions but the most important thing now is that you are confident and open to new opportunities . They will present themselves because you are open to them . You can do this .

ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️

If you are having counselling through your local IAPT service, a lot of them have employment advisors who can help you with this kind of thing. So it is worth asking your counsellor about it. Otherwise, there are coaches you can hire - a bit of an outlay but worth it for the knowledge they bring. I know people who have retrained in their 50s and 60s so it certainly is not too late for you! Good luck!

Flipping Zombie ! They were my finest encouraging words and she won’t even see them .

When I started to read I thought you'd be in my age group, 70+, so seeing you're 34 surprised me, most of your problems seem to stem from your parents' conrolling ways, it was the reason that you accepted your first husband's control probably.
I was a College trained teacher when I had our children but by the time I had No 2, I was about your age, I used my time to do an OU degree, mainly to stop myself going crazy with boredom, but you should be able to do one, go for it! Best of luck.

Just seen the date! Hope it worked out.

At 34 you are no way too old! Sorry to hear about your DP attitude .It really stinks .Some parents can almost be "jealous" of their children ,and their future .When they are older and havent done as well as they wanted to. Have a look around,can you maybe train for something else in a medical capacity ? Like a Nursing degree ,and then move on to be a Doctor of you can and its what you want .Its a new start for you .grab it now !

I'm around your age and started an OU degree 2 years ago (4 years to go - I'm doing it part time). It'll take me a while to train after the degree in my career of choice but it'll be worth it for an interesting and fulfilling career.

Before starting the degree I felt stuck, bitter, full of regret, thought 'what's the point in doing it so late', etc... but now I'm working towards what I've always wanted to do I feel much lighter. Action is always better than stagnating. Better late than never!

@Pushmeinthepool

I do love the idea of the OU and of the studying fitting in around the children; the only thing that puts me off them is that it takes 6 years to do a degree rather than 3 years. I'd rather get a degree done and dusted if possible. Has anyone on here done a degree with the OU in 3 years?

I'm currently studying part time with the OU (60 credits a year rather than 120 which is considered a full time university degree). I've met students who are studying full time successfully. They do, however, tend to be people without children or other commitments. If you wanted to do the OU full time I'd suggest you make sure you are able to schedule some regular child free time during the day e.g. when they're at school or nursery.

On the other hand... I kept putting my degree off because 'it'll take 6 years instead of 3' and then realised I was being silly. All the time spent putting it off was just wasted on thinking negatively! If I'd have bitten the bullet back when I first thought about doing OU (and talked myself out of it) I would have finished my 6 year degree by now. I'm now 2 years in with 4 to go, which feels much better than 0 years in and 0 progress/achievement!

Hope the OP does come back to give us an update, ten years on!

@StColumbofNavron

Even if you go back to admin work to get started you may well find sideways then upwards steps. I’ve made a career out of contracting as a PA and honestly in almost every job over the last 10 years I have been offered or encouraged to apply for other things. E.g. move into HR or marketing where I could move up, once as a lettings negotiator in office agency and once even as a building surveyor. I’ve not take advantage of these things because I’ve been studying for a different path for all that time but if I hadn’t I would have taken some of those.

Other posters are right, you are definitely young enough. I started my first degree at 28 with 3 DC.

Is you DH supportive of you doing something? If so, the options these days are practically unlimited as you can see by all the suggestions.

I know this is a Zombie thread but it might prove useful to someone else.

I have also made a v good career from being a PA and like you, I could have used this platform as a gateway to all manner of different paths, I have been offered to train as a trader in a steel trading company, marketing exec, HR exec, etc. I was asked to be a business assistant while I was a PA some 10 years ago and I haven't looked back. I have no degree. Being a PA is a great position, if you build respect and trust, you can have the ear of some of the most influential people in the firm.

@dottiedodah

At 34 you are no way too old! Sorry to hear about your DP attitude .It really stinks .Some parents can almost be "jealous" of their children ,and their future .When they are older and havent done as well as they wanted to. Have a look around,can you maybe train for something else in a medical capacity ? Like a Nursing degree ,and then move on to be a Doctor of you can and its what you want .Its a new start for you .grab it now !

She's not 34.

This a 10yo zombie thread.

@Mollymarvelous

Flipping Zombie ! They were my finest encouraging words and she won’t even see them .

Ditto!

Hopefully it'll help or encourage someone else...

@OrangeBlossomMacaron that’s fab. I’ve def hit my ceiling in terms of seniority/money, but that’s fine for me as I’m focussed on my alternative career but the opportunities have definitely been there in abundance.