To feel resentful about not being given any chances to have a career?

[Pushmeinthepool]

Does anyone else feel that they've never stood a chance in life of doing anything that a) they enjoy or b) that pays well? I did well at school, and got very good grades at GCSE. I'd always wanted to be a doctor but at 16 my parents (who were very controlling) decided that I should leave school and do a shitty secretarial course at the local college rather than do A-levels. Once the secretarial course was finished I was forced to get a job or risked being thrown out. And of course, once I'd been a "secretary" no company would take me seriously in wanting to do something else. I got taken on in an estate agents as a negotiator but once the manager realised I had secretarial qualifications he decided that I could be the office admin assistant instead, so my chances of earning well through commission etc was gone.

I got married to my first husband, who was also very controlling and at that time i had a job working in logistics planning, which wasn't well paid but could have been had I progressed up the career ladder. I had my first DD and my husband at the time and my mum decided that I should be "at home with my baby" and my mum wrote up my notice to give to my job and my husband took it into my workplace. So I had no say in the matter.

I haven't really worked now since then (I'm now 34); I've re-married and my DH has a well paid job, but I feel completely robbed of any chance of doing well. I've lost all my confidence for working. This area is also a very low-paid area in general (DH London based so earns ok); a salary of 9k is advertised in the local paper as being a competitive salary. A high paid job in this town/area is probably 30k, there are no jobs that earn more than that.

I know it sounds like i'm blaming others but I do feel really resentful and like I've had no chances in life regarding work; I'd like to do something challenging, that I enjoy and that will eventually be well paid. Am I too old to carve a career? Where the flip do I start?

Time for a fresh start! Don't let anyone else dictate your future, you've seen how that works out. Look at retraining, or moving careers. And think big! If you want to be a retail manager you might not have to start at the bottom - the work you've already done will count, and your experience in general too. It's so easy to end up in admin even without relatives sabotaging things. Think big! Why not start yourself on the path to be a doctor after all? It might take a while but you're still young and plenty of time. Don't write yourself off as too old for anything!

You have let other people control you in the past but you are young, the world is your oyster

Nice of you to be so disparaging about a job, just because you're unhappy!

I'm a 'secretary' with a decent degree from a RG uni. I'm also a higher tax earner, have a good work/life balance.

Actually, I'm not a secretary, I'm an EA - I moved on from being a secretary a long time ago. I've had a really interesting and diverse career with a lot of responsibility. It's a job I fell into after turning down my PGCE place and quickly learned that it's what you make of it. It's doesn't have to be all diary management and getting the coffees in, if you don't want it to be and pursue more.

I've know lots of 'secretaries' who have moved into PR, marketing IR - no-one had looked down on them.

My childhood doctor was a lovely lady; she STARTED to train as a Doctor when she was 39! You are not too old by any standards, although of course you would need to take the 'right' A Levels.

Spotted this was a zombie, but was so hoping the OP was coming back to tell us she had just finished her doctorate.

Glass half full person here. Guess I’ll just have to drink it , cheers to the OP wherever she is.

You are still very young OP. Your options may be slightly restricted if you have DCs, unless they’re old enough to not need too much child care, but otherwise the world is your oyster! TBH, I’m guessing pension age will be on the increase again to recoup all the money lost during the pandemic, and you might be working until 70+, so you’ll have many working years left yet.

Me too @visque!
I hope the OP progressed past telesales.

Oops! Just seen zombie thread......[embarrassed]

You are still very young OP.

She would be. If this thread wasn't a decade old...

X-posted

I left school at 16 with a handful of CSEs (shows my age!) I started a good job with a big corporation as a clerical assistant. I realised I had to get more qualified so did a couple of additional O levels at evening class alongside shorthand. Went into a secretarial job and hated it.

After a few more clerical jobs over the years I found an admin job in a training company at the age of 27. I helped on a few training courses and loved it so took a distance learning course with the CIPD (the professional body for that field) in learning and development. It took me a year working after work at home. Applied and got a junior training officer job aged 30 ish. Then I worked for a bank as a management trainer but realised I needed to know more about management in general so I took the OU Professional Certificate in Management, again distance learning which I passed aged 37. My basic school qualifications have never gone beyond O levels and I don't have any A levels. But the OU certificate is an accepted qualification for the OU's MBA. You don't need the traditional O and A level path into a career - it's just the norm, not the one and only route.

At 39 I became a training manager and, at 44, I had DS. I now work part time in a school and run my own on line business, which I started having learned a new craft skill. I'm now in my late 50s.

Learning never stops. There are so many courses out there. My friend is doing an OU course in earth science. She's got no intention of using it in a career but it's an interest that she's loved since she was small. So she's learning, enjoying and, who knows, maybe it'll take her somewhere in the future. If not, she's had fun learning about something that fascinates her. Learning is never wasted and DS has seen me take a hobby, learn more about it and build a business - that's a valuable lesson for him in not giving up.

Oh b@gger. Just seen the zombie thread post. Never mind. There are plenty of people out there who feel a bit trapped so maybe it'll help them.

Hope the OP managed to find something to challenge them.

You’re still young, you have plenty of time to retrain. I too was forced to join a YTS scheme and was not allowed to go college by my parents. I still applied for the job of my dreams and had a fantastic career, despite only having four o levels.

You cannot blame anyone else for what you see as your failings (staying at home with a baby is not a failing). You need to take accountability for yourself and grab the bull by the horns. Your parents have no control over you now, they cannot dictate what you do.

Is your husband supportive, could you go to night school or do an open uni degree to retrain.

Please believe in yourself and recognise that you have more than enough time to retrain and have the career of your dreams💐

My mum had 5 kids and when we were young she would work in supermarkets on the checkout or in school cafes or baby rooms in nurserys. When I was at uni I asked my mum what she wanted to do now the children were growing up - and she confessed in me it was her dream to work in an office! She was 50 and I felt so sad she had had such a modest dream and no one had thought to ask her what she had wanted. Anyway, to her absolute credit she trained in real estate and by the age of 52 was earning more than my dad who was a general manager. Her salary supported them into their 60s.
It's never too late - and if someone wants something they fight harder for it so are better workers than someone who is not sure. My mum was a brilliant real estate agent but I am so proud she followed her dream and got to work in an office like she wanted.
You are never too old to start something you are passionate about.

Just seen it’s an old thread. I wonder what happened.

Z O M B I E Z O M B I E Z O M B I E Z O M B I E

Z O M B I E

Z O M B I E

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You are early 30s and giving up?
If your DH is well paid, get back to medicine.

I haven't read the full thread but you can take an access course which gives you the a levels you need for uni its never too late to start over good luck x

I started my career as a secretary, found plenty of opportunities to advance - and did. Your parents were probably 'old school' and had little imagination about careers; mine were the same, you got a job because you had to earn something. Nowadays we allow our children to take their time to find their niche - which I think is right.

However I am glad I did have a way to earn a living and within a few years, I ventured into other things and did well.

Chin up girl. Life's not over yet.

It would be lovely if OP requalified and is now in a successful and fulfilling career and has put two fingers up to her parents. But I'm not too optimistic she'll even see this.

I’m 34 too and I’ve felt like I had no chance of a career having had lots of time not working at all, and some health issues etc. Had an excellent uni place but was so scared I didn’t go, and then had my first DC age 20.

But I’m only 34. It’s my time now. I’ve worked hard on my mental health (I’m autistic and have ADHD) and I feel more ready for sure. Therapy has helped me immensely!

I’ve been doing some free NCFE courses with my local adult education provider, and I am hopefully starting an OU degree next term.

I got myself a volunteer role which I love and works around my family. The charity also looks first at current volunteers for paid roles so potential for paid work there.

I tutor as well which I’ve done on and off for a few years, it’s not enough to make a living (and I do want employment too) but it’s good money for the hours and it’s raised my self confidence as well.

Oh oops. 🤣🧟‍♂️

Oh well hopefully people in similar positions will read the thread and feel more positive?

Definitely head for the OU. What sort of profession would you be interested in? Teaching, nursing, law? There's opportunity in lots of areas that pay a good wage.

@Wheretobuy

You are early 30s and giving up? If your DH is well paid, get back to medicine.

Early 30s???

She's mid-40s!!!