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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit fed up with people being late all the time?

61 replies

Carrotsandcelery · 02/05/2011 19:00

I know it is not the worst crime in the world but sometimes it can really ruin a day.

We were stuck in yesterday waiting for someone who was coming at lunchtime and pitched up after 4pm. We were quite happy for them not to come until that time but they knew we had things to do and we could have gone and done them in that time rather than hanging around, not really getting into anything as they might appear any minute.

They then did it again today. A crowd of us were gathering - everyone else turned up five or ten minutes before or after the alloted time - my lovely friend pitches up about 40 minutes later, well aware that everyone would have been waiting for her.

I totally understand that things happen and we are all late sometimes, through unavoidable circumstances, but this has become a habit.

I have a close family member who does the same thing and can turn up 2 hours late, even for a child's party, and then wonder why no one has time to chat to them and everyone is leaving.

Is it me? Am I just too uptight or are they being down right rude? I strongly feel the latter but maybe I am wrong.

OP posts:
bittersweetvictory · 02/05/2011 19:04

YANBU, it really makes me mad when people arrange a time and dont turn up, fair enough somtimes it cant be helped but a quick text to let you know is all it takes, its sheer ignorence.

pjmama · 02/05/2011 19:07

Definitely rude.

We can all be late on occasion, unexpected things happen and that's of course forgiveable.

People who are habitually late are inconsiderate, rude and IMO arrogant, in that they think everyone should wait around for them.

BooyHoo · 02/05/2011 19:09

YANBU

EXP is notorious for this and i finally cracked on saturday after the umpteenth time of him saying he'd be there at 12 and turning up 3 hours later. i'm afraid to say i lied and gave him a guilt trip. i told him that i had plans with a friend and now both my and her day was wasted because he couldn't be bothered being there on time. i got quite upset because for so long now i have not made plans for when he has contact because i know i cant depend on him arriving on time. i think he got the message. he apologised and said he will consider me in future. lets hope it lasts because i would very much like to have a social life again.

parakeet · 02/05/2011 19:30

I absolutely hate persistent lateness too. My sister and one of my best friends are both terrible for this.

I have got much less grumpy about it, though, since adopting a new strategy of expecting them to be late and working around it. E.g. I once arranged a picnic with my sister in a park and arranged to meet her at the car park. I had to wait there for FORTY MINUTES (with a baby and toddler). These days I know better and would arrange to meet her at the picnic site.

goodbyemrschips · 02/05/2011 19:37

I cannot bear lateness.

HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT

SmethwickBelle · 02/05/2011 19:41

Oh you are NOT being unreasonable.... it winds me up a treat - I've lost count of the amount of time I've frozen my tits off hanging outside train stations, venues, or nursing a drink in a bar, or kept the kids entertained for the additional hour for relatives to arrive, shafting naps and mealtimes in the process.

Here's a great tip for anyone who's a self confessed tardy person - if you think it will take less than an hour to get somewhere, add fifteen minutes to your estimate. If you think it will take more than an hour, add an hour. Might seem drastic but if it takes more than an hour there are more things to delay you and people never factor in parking in unfamiliar places or walking from transport hubs etc... I am never late! shrill

Earlybird · 02/05/2011 19:52

YANBU. It is hugely irritating when friends do it on a regular basis (especially if it is down to simply not being organised enough), but hate it even more when it happens in a professional and/or service situation.

I don't mind 5 or 10 minutes late, but get seriously cranky when things drift into the 30-minutes-or-more zone.

I get completely wound up when I've turned up on time for an appointment, only to be told the dentist/doctor/hairdresser/etc is running behind due to previous clients turning up late for their appointments.

In fact, just last week I almost walked out of a hair salon when the stylist was over 30 minutes late - it was dd's first time at a 'serious' salon - and was meant to be a special treat......the red mist descended when the stylist came to get dd, and without an apology, said airily 'are you ready?' Angry

Jonnyfan · 02/05/2011 20:08

It's not just lateness; I arranged to meet some friends outside the theatre and was there a few minutes before the alotted time. No sign of friends so I waited, feeling a bit conspicuous by myself, then 15 mins later I got a text saying "upstairs in bar, having a drink". Nice! I could have been having a drink too! Went up to find them and said I was waiting ; they thought this was hilarious and said "well, we sent a txt". I felt one of them could have popped out to see if I was waiting, texts don't always arrive immediatly. Or AIBU?

cruelladepoppins · 02/05/2011 20:09

YADNBU, I hate it too. I especially hate it at work. If a meeting is scheduled for, say, 10 a.m., I am sitting down and ready to start at 10 a.m. It irks me that people are just popping off to the kitchen to get a cup of tea at 10, then wander in at 5 past, and by the time they finish faffing it's 10 past. And then someone's even a bit later than that so we all have to wait.

If it's "my" meeting I start it on time, whether everyone is there or not, and courteously (but briefly) "fill in" the latecomers.

Otherwise, I go with Parakeet - I also have made the mistake of hanging around the entrance door for 40 mins. "I'll see you in there" is now my mantra and they have to catch me up! Or (as with OP's friend) "We'll be in till 2 and then we have stuff to do" (if true, you understand!). I even hand out theatre tickets etc beforehand so I don't have to wait for people!

But why is no-one saying "YABU"? [chmm] From my experience there are plenty of people who think it's reasonable to keep other folk waiting ...

Original poster
Carrotsandcelery · 02/05/2011 20:13

Earlybird (appropriate name for this thread) my hairdressers now refuses to cut clients hair if they are more than a few minutes late BUT STILL CHARGE which I think is fantastic Grin.

I did once miss an appointment without phoning as ds had injured himself at school so I had to do a mad dash to our local emergency unit. They didn't charge me (as I am always on time!) and gave me a cancellation that day so that I could still get my hair cut.

OP posts:
home79 · 02/05/2011 20:15

Oops jonnyfan i have done that before. Although in my defence I could be seen from door. Op I hate lateness too. 10 to 15 mins ok. Also ok if one off but persistant lateness is annoying.

Original poster
Carrotsandcelery · 02/05/2011 20:16

poppins That is exactly the phrase I needed. Thank you. "We will be in until 2 ..."

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 02/05/2011 20:21

YANBU!
My DSis is famous for this her most recent one was a family gathering beginning with a meal on the Friday night which we were all contributing to (she had the lions share of this meal there were others over the weekend) she arrived at 10pm!
My dcs had given up and started eating at 9pm she looked cross at that!

zest01 · 02/05/2011 20:31

YANBU. I actually used to be that person Blush and I sort of felt that everyone knew that was just me, always disorganised and people made allowances for it. I had an epiphany when I read a magazine article about being a good friend and they had asked people for opinions and LOADS had moaned about friends who could not make the effort to be on time. So, I asked my friends outright if they were really "ok" with me always being late and asked for brutally honest answers......which they gave and they weren't really "ok" about it at all. Blush Blush Blush

I do feel bad about it, but I now realise that actually, even with 5 kids, it is not that hard to be organised and on time. In fact I am often EARLY.

So not, yanbu at all and I think if you told your friend how it makes you feel, she would probably be mortified (like I was) and change her ways. Tell her, in a diplomatic way. She probably has no idea how it makes people feel.

sprinkles77 · 02/05/2011 20:45

YANBU. I cannot stand it. My SIL always wants to spend time with my DS. She has no DC or DP and lives seconds away. Still always late. Today I told her a time 30 minutes before I needed her. She was still late!
Oh, and on the subject of dentists running late because their patients were late, I always told my patients that if they were late they would have to wait till I had a gap as it was not fair on my on-time patients.

UKSky · 02/05/2011 20:47

I have a friend who believes that if you state a time the very latest you will arrive is exactly on time (his belief is that if you really want to do whatever it is you will arrive early).

If you are not there at the specified time, he will leave. He never waits, believing lateness is extremely rude (he's in the army which makes this more understandable) and I'm totally with him.

Groovee · 02/05/2011 20:49

Dh's brother's family have always been late. You tell them 3pm knowing they will show up at 4pm. But see when the boot is on the other foot... I.E we're late they hate it and keep going on about it, despite the fact they do it constantly.

Rosmarin · 02/05/2011 20:49

I would call it flaky and unreliable. It's the reason I don't have a large circle of friends, because I just can't and won't deal with being consistently let down/stood up/having my time wasted. I just hope people get better with age...

Oh, and YADNBU!

thederkinsdame · 02/05/2011 20:53

"sorry, sorry. What did I miss? The internet traffic was awful and I got held up at the junction between Chat and Relationships. Oh and the usual Monday lurkers were out, so that slowed things down even more and..."

Grin

YANBU. I used to be late wherever I went, as I never allowed enough time. I now make a real effort and like to think I am a reformed character (mostly!)

ElectricSoftParade · 02/05/2011 20:54

I really hate this. It always feels to me that the message the late person is really sending is "My time is more valuable than yours".

If you can tell the time you are able to BE on time

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 02/05/2011 20:58

YANBU
everyone is is late once in a while, but habitual lateness is simply selfish and inconsiderate - clearly these people think, either consciously or subconsciously, that we have nothing better to do than hang around waiting for them Hmm

DoMeDon · 02/05/2011 21:02

I was an habitual late comer (usually 10 to 30 mins late for EVERYTHING) - until I had a chat with a friend who hates lateness. I was saying how I hate being early and waiting, that I felt really awkward. She said how selfish that was, how it meant my time was more important than hers and I should deal with my own uncomfortable feelings about waiting rather than be rude. I had never given it much thought before, just laughed it off 'oooh I'm always late', my friends always expected me to turn up late. Now I feel embarrassed and take more time to do things, leave earlier, etc.

YANBU but maybe they haven't thought it through much., rather than being bastards.

starfishmummy · 02/05/2011 21:03

A former.friend was always late - we used to meet up in town and i got fed up with hanging around. Even though i knew she would be late i was always on time she never apologised and i suppose i never mentioned it as to me that would have been rude on my part. Once.my bus was late and so she was there first and went absolutely mad at me. That was the point when i decided to start "cooling" the friendship. Our kids are at the same school and she is still late for things......

forehead · 02/05/2011 21:14

I once dumped a good friend of mine because of her lateness.
I hate lateness with a passion. I see it as attention seeking; if you're late people will notice you.

nancy75 · 02/05/2011 21:19

I hate lateness and personally i think mobile phones need to take alot of the blame. Before we all had mobiles you had to be on time as once you had left your house there was no way of contacting the other person, now it's too easy to text - "i'll be 10 mins late". people don't think they have to be on time anymore.