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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit fed up with people being late all the time?

61 replies

Carrotsandcelery · 02/05/2011 19:00

I know it is not the worst crime in the world but sometimes it can really ruin a day.

We were stuck in yesterday waiting for someone who was coming at lunchtime and pitched up after 4pm. We were quite happy for them not to come until that time but they knew we had things to do and we could have gone and done them in that time rather than hanging around, not really getting into anything as they might appear any minute.

They then did it again today. A crowd of us were gathering - everyone else turned up five or ten minutes before or after the alloted time - my lovely friend pitches up about 40 minutes later, well aware that everyone would have been waiting for her.

I totally understand that things happen and we are all late sometimes, through unavoidable circumstances, but this has become a habit.

I have a close family member who does the same thing and can turn up 2 hours late, even for a child's party, and then wonder why no one has time to chat to them and everyone is leaving.

Is it me? Am I just too uptight or are they being down right rude? I strongly feel the latter but maybe I am wrong.

OP posts:

androbbob · 02/05/2011 21:28

My BIL is always late - at least 30 mins but more usually an hour. They live 15 to 20 mins away from us and on the odd occasion when they will phone to say they are 'coming over, leaving now', I have delayed feeding the DC until they arrive - but when they arrive at say 6 rather than 5 when I was expecting them, my DC are grumpy and tired and not good fun at all. Now when they say they are on their way over, I carry on with what I am doing and stop when they arrive.

They do manage to make the time for funerals, weddings and the like, so I guess they think some things are more important than others. If we have a family do I usually tell them to come at say 3 knowing they will be there at 4 which is the time I really wanted them to be there! Works a treat!

Me - I am punctual and hate being late

Merlotmonster · 02/05/2011 21:29

the worst are people who text to say they are going to be late.....half an hour AFTER they should be there.......grrrr you are ALREADY late !!!!!!!

trixie123 · 02/05/2011 22:02

we are friends with a couple who are habitually late for everything - usually dinner invitations and text 5-10 mins before they are due to say they are running late which they seem to think then means they can be up to 1-2 hrs late. We have a toddler and tend not to stay up very late so if they don't show up until 8.30-9 when it was supposed to be 7 its really hardly worth it. I have made a private promise to myself that next time they do this I will tell them that unless they get here by x time then not to bother. They are expecting their first DC so I can only hope that once they realise how much it messes you about to have to wait on people they will sort themselves out a bit.

LordofthePies · 02/05/2011 22:11

I had booked to go out to a restaurant for an evening meal with 2 friends - one of them emailed the night before to change the time by 15 minutes but I didn't get the message.

I was sat for 30 minutes on my own in this restaurant surrounded by groups having Christmas meals. It was a long half hour and I had got up to leave by the time they both arrived........they admitted they'd been chatting together,so no real reason for being late.

The evening didn't recover, I was accused of overreacting. I'd had a nightmare day at work and had rushed to get there on time.

I don't see either of them any more.If they were late for a better reason, it would be a different story.

Goofymum · 02/05/2011 22:21

Lateness is one of my pet hates too. People who are late are playing with your precious time and it pisses me off big time that some people think you have nothing better to do than wait around for them. I am busy but also organised, it just takes a little effort to leave enough time to get somewhere.

One of my friends is never ever on time but always apologises profusely when she finally arrives land always has so many excuses as to why. It drives me mad.

MayBankHoliday · 02/05/2011 22:25

Could this person have social anxiety or some other problem? Being late means you can avoid the awkward chit-chat before the event begins, you can just (hopefully) slip in afterwards. Often this process will be subconscious, not deliberate - it's just that people being annoyed because you're late is less scary than being early. Or OCD meaning things have to be checked a lot before they leave the house?

GotArt · 02/05/2011 22:40

I have a friend who is constantly late by and hour or two. Cured the problem by telling we would meet at 11 (for example) when really we would be meeting at 1pm.

D0G · 02/05/2011 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumbandwitch · 02/05/2011 22:43

Can I join in?

I have a friend who says 'i'll pick you up at ten' (am) so I am ready at ten, and bored at half past and finally she turns up at 11 saying 'oh I went for a run and then went to the shops!". But i could have done that too if you'd said 11 to start with

Timeforanap · 02/05/2011 22:45

Well, I am often late. I hate it too. I really try to be early/on time, seem to have a faulty sense of time.

Someone once said to me that they got really annoyed about X's lateness, as she was consistently 5 minutes late every day, whereas I was more random...sometimes first to arrive etc so I must really have a problem rather than just being selfish. I hope I've grown up since then (nearly 20 years ago), but I think there was a lot of truth in it.

I think I have to be incredibly organised to acheive what others seem to make look quite straightforward.

Goofymum · 02/05/2011 22:51

MayBankHoliday -I love your suggestion. Sadly though most people are late because they're simply not organised.

beanandspud · 02/05/2011 23:01

I hate people being late. I remember going on holiday with ex friends who couldn't get anywhere on time. When I found myself knocking on their hotel room door saying "chop chop, hurry up" I just realised that I couldn't be bothered wasting my time any more.

We had arranged for the same friends to come round for a drink before Christmas - they were 2 hours late with the excuse that they had been delivering cards. The mulled wine was pretty good at 8pm but by 10pm we were sozzled and there was a teaspoon of syrup left in the pan.

Strangely we don't see them any more.

GiddyPickle · 02/05/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontGoCurly · 02/05/2011 23:08

YANBU

I hate lateness too.
It's rude and attention seeking.

MayBankHoliday · 02/05/2011 23:15

Could well be true. But there may also be people with real problems who are mistaken for being rude. It's not always easy to tell the difference, even if you think you know someone well...

"Sadly though most people are late because they're simply not organised."

SacreLao · 03/05/2011 00:26

I'm always late :(

I try so hard to be on time as I HATE lateness also but sadly with an autistic DC things often don't go to plan. Today we were meeting friends to go swimming and despite leaving 30 mins early to meet them as soon as we left the house DS had a HUGE meltdown which took nearly an hour to calm down before we could get in the car and leave meaning we were about 25 mins late in the end.

Hope no-one I know judges me on that, I'm always on time on days when I don't have the DC.

KittySpencer · 03/05/2011 00:58

I'm often late (anything up to an hour, but usually 15-20 mins). However I am usually able to blame this on the unreliability of public transport rather than my own tardiness (in reality it is more 50/50).

What I do find intensely irritating is when people are ridiculously early - a while back I was having drinks/BBQ at home and told people to come after 5. Most people turned up around 5.30. One person arrived at 4

niccibabe · 03/05/2011 00:58

I'm with Timeforanap I'm often late even though I hate being late. It really isn't attention-seeking - I find it really embarrassing.

I try to fit in too much before leaving the house. Being a WAHM means that I often get work emails/phonecalls that need to be dealt with, whether or not I am due to see people at softplay or somewhere else.

My DH has an extreme case of trying to fit in too much before leaving the house, and is often later than I am.

cath476 · 03/05/2011 01:29

I can't understand lateness. I have 3 young ds. I work. I am very rarely late (only ever a very good reason). I am not the most organised person in the world but if I say I will meet someone I plan ahead - even if it means putting something off/leaving dirty dishes/forfeiting my breakfast etc. I am not an anxious person but I feel anxious if I am running late because I think it so very rude. Having said that, I have friends/family who are habitually late and I just plan around it (giving earlier times or not rushing my own plans to accommodate them).

MadamDeathstare · 03/05/2011 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thejoanwilder · 03/05/2011 02:48

My DH is one of those perpetually late people. It drives me insane, but he appears to have absolutely zero concept of how long it takes to prepare/ get somewhere.
I have told him in no uncertain terms that I refuse to become 'THAT' couple, you know, the ones who are late for everything, and he is becoming a bit better. But occasionally he will still try and arrange for us to do things with precisely zero room for error built into the timings.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 03/05/2011 04:15

giddypickle/thejoanwilder, i too have a DH who is useless at thinking ahead re traffic/travel/parking etc etc. It got to the point that DSD asked if i (and DS) could be the ones to pick her up when she visited as we were usually on time (even when DS was really small) because DH was always late for her, and she hated hanging around school/bus station/mall waiting on her own. (late teenage DSD i hasten to add, not at any risk).

sadly not even this from his own DD has improved DH's concept of time reality.

and yes, the twinkling charm of "sorry" wears thin after a while .....

Glitterandglue · 03/05/2011 07:39

I think the best thing to remember if you are one of those people who is habitually late (even if 'only' by 15 minutes each time - if you meet up once a week they lose an hour in a month by waiting for you) is that while people may expect of you to be late, it doesn't mean they accept it of you.

mycatoscar · 03/05/2011 08:02

YANBU it is rude and selfish

I have a friend who constantly cancels and is late, as a result I dont bother making plans with her anymore and if she suggests doing something i simply assume she will be late or wont bother coming.

My TA at school is often late too - she seems to think that because she has 3 children to get ready, it is some how acceptable. It isn't, it just makes my kist of stuff to do longer and makes her a crap TA. Funmny how she never leaves late though, eh!

My mother also is constanstly late, she enjoys walzing in late to get everyone's attention - dont see her much either.

To all those people who are saying oh I'm often late - do you text or call to let people know you are going to be late or just leave them waiting for you, unable to do anything useful?

BlingLoving · 03/05/2011 08:10

Oh, habitual lateness us unacceptable. Especially when not testing or calling to explain before the agreed meeting time. Dh can be late because he doesn't plan ahead and it drives me crazy. He is getting much better though because he is finally coming to realise that actually, traffic is his problem and in most cases can be anticipated.

My absolute worst are people who don't turn up because they decide to do something else instead. And those people don't get much sympathy from me. They also seldom get a second invite either.

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