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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please please advise me!

129 replies

CrazyOrCautious · 25/04/2011 22:33

Can someone please advise me what to do. DGM and her boyfriend (SEE OTHER THREAD) have just left to go to the hotel they are staying in. And something irreplaceable and very precious to me has gone missing. I am devastated. Literally sat in here in tears. What do I do. I'm tempted to go to were they are staying and look. But all hell will brake loose if I start accusing people. What do I do???
I'm gutted.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 26/04/2011 00:41

If you think your a liberal lefty, answer my line of questioning this morning 'what the hell is your GM doing dragging a vunerable man with MH issues out of supported living and not getting him re-homed by his SW?'

CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 00:44

Care to explain? OK - You ARE being being a cold unfeeling bitch if the truth be known, you are watching whilst sitting back and seeing your grandmother being abused and fleeced by a much younger man who is clearly unhinged ..you are complicit in your grandmothers demise ...which is what it will be in the end because this man will bleed her dry both emotionally, physically and monetarily and you are bleating away about a piece of jewellery - get a grip and call the police and allow your grandmother to make her own mind up based on their findings

Would you allow youself or your child to be fleeced?

Actually I think you probably would because of your inability to upset other people regardless of whether its warranted or not

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 00:45

She thinks she can look after him. Maybe she is too liberal. She feels he as a man with mental health problems deserves to be bought in to a family environment. It was his decision to leave by the sounds of it. It needs to be decided is this man vulnerable or capable of deceiving and conning an elderly lady?

OP posts:
MotherMucca · 26/04/2011 00:46

I am with Carnival and Birds

OP You have done a great dis-service to the people on this thread who have spent there(sic) time trying to help.

HerHissyness · 26/04/2011 00:47

... Meanwhile your EIGHTY YEAR OLD GRANDMOTHER sleeps on the FLOOR and you are missing a £500 bit of jewellery.

FGS CALL THE POLICE NOW - non urgent number and tell them your fears, they will knock on the door in the morning.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 00:54

Carnival she is not a child she is elderly and not stupid. She is vulnerable, which is why I will phone the SS. The only thing I am cautious about doing is phoning the police because it will only serve to upset and isolate her form the people who need to help her. I really resent you saying I don't care. She is a bloody strong willed women and she loves this man. She feels she has a duty to care for him. If I could convince her to move in with me and would in a breath but you are all underestimating how strong willed she is.

As for the bracelet yeah your right fuck it. I was being a little OCD about it, it was reminiscent of some really had times and how i got through periods in my life that almost finished me off (literally). But I survived, there is no point in dwelling and now I have to do all I can to help my Granny.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 00:58

No I haven't I have taken onboard all of the advice. This morning I didn't want to see that there was a problem. That my Granny who I love was being abused. It's devastating. I am going to do something about this. People who are apathetic about abuse in general are the worst kind. I know that and that is why I am going to phone the SS. And I am really thankful for all the advise.

OP posts:
CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:01

The OP has done great dis - service to people on here who come here for real advice

I am far more wary of giving advice to people who come on here with unbelievably bad situations....cos some of them are attention seekers who make up stories but many turn out to be true and take the advice and get out of really shitty situations- they are the ones who come back and thank you for your help and even PM you and thank you for your advice because it made a difference

and by not calling the police the OP is enabling the BF to abuse and fleece the GM ...allbeit imaginary

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:05

Ok quite simply she is an intelligent women who is choosing not to see what is right in front of her. Women who are being abused rarely accept outside help even when the police are involved. I had to be a witness for a women who I saw being kicked in the head and stamped on by her partner. She denied it. My Granny will not admit to any thing. She will know it is her family who have called the police and she will stop seeing, talking or sharing with us but most likely continue to live and care for this man. Does that sound constructive? I think it would be far better to phone the SS tell them exactly what is going on and ask them, people with extensive knowledge of mental health deal with it. Is that so hard to understand?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 01:09

I suppose that I am thinking here though that the police are appropriate because a theft has taken place. So why not call them? They will still alert social services.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:13

I am here for real advise. And at the start was a little self approved. But I have listed and now realise that something needs to be done. So again thank you all. I really appreciate it. And the advice has not been in vain because I will not allow a situation that I was less aware of this morning to continue. Carnival if you knew about every shitty experience I have received advise from on here and been incredibly thankful for including via pm you would definitely think I was a troll. But I'm not going to apologise about it and im not going to do any thing else to prove to you otherwise. But like I said MNHQ do feel free to check my info in previous posts and compare.

OP posts:
CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:14

No its not very hard to understand at all Crazy - but an 80 yr old woman in her right mind would see that a man half her age would something more than a shag or even friendship

He is manipulaing her and I would bet any penny of my hard earned cash that he is looking to take her savings or get her to sign everything she owns over to him

Take the opportunity of the theft from your home to be the eye opener that she needs

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 26/04/2011 01:14

Police. Social Services. If this isn't hysterical trolling, get off the internet and sort it out.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:18

BOF I appreciate that. And yes the theft has upset me but like other posters said am I willing to possibly destroy an important relationship and endanger my Gran because of it? With the police there is no way of it being anonymous yet with the SS it could be and so I could continue support my Gran throughout.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/04/2011 01:24

I guess so. But it's a shame you have to write the bracelet off Sad

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:26

Hysteria yes, trolling no. Carnival you have made a valid point. I just think that having text my Gran her boyfriend is very unlikely to be stupid enough to hold on to something so incriminating if after all he is so manipulative and cleaver in fleecing a normally intelligent women. If her and her boyfriend could be properly assessed by experts then surly that would be the best case?

OP posts:
CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:28

Oh Dear God I Have Lost The Will To Live - Goodnight to all advice givers... I fear we have lost the battle

MWAH xx

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:31

Thank you BOF I am gutted. It meant so much to me and I thought it would to DS to, it's actually hard to articulate why I am so upset about it. the charm from ex p was a glimmer of hope in what had been a terrible 4 years. But maybe best to let go any way Smile. I would like to point out that I do have the capacity to be upset about two thing at once. And I am sure you are ladies who would never deny someone's sadness because something worse has happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:33

OK well thanks any way for the nuggets of good advice in between the accusations. It would seem that left to you both me and my gran would be lost causes and total write offs some thing that I will point out...again is NOT going to happen.

OP posts:
CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:42

No Crazy - you left yourselves as write offs and lost causes by your lack of attention to your situation ...had you taken the advice of many posters telling you to call the police immediately you would have had the situateion sorted and ridden of an virulent leech

CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:43

a not an

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/04/2011 01:45

call all the local pawn shops (local to you AND to them) and give a description of your bracelet. Let them know it has been taken without your permission. You can do that, at least, to get it back.

Original poster
CrazyOrCautious · 26/04/2011 01:47

I am simply chosing to go about it in a way that will cause less damage and be more affective. I have listened to you all and thank you again to alerting me to how bad the situation is. Just because I am choosing one method over another does not mean your advice had been disagreed.

OP posts:
CarnivalBizarre · 26/04/2011 01:52

Flyingspahettimonster the pawn shops have to be given a crime number to release any information so the OP would have to have called the police first to get any info on who took the item in

btw flyingspaghetti I think I know who you are :)

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/04/2011 02:00

CrazyOrCautious, unlike many here, I understand your position with your gran. So many people assume that at 80+ folk are no longer able to make decisions for themselves, and simple age makes one vulnerable... I have a very good friend of 83, with absolutely all of his marbles (and excellent physical health) who very much resents his DIL's attempts to "help", because he really doesn't need it.

But she will insist on sticking her neb in.