AIBU to strip DDs bedroom of all her personal possesions?

[VoldemortsNipple]

I really need some good advice on how to handle this. Sorry its long.

DD is 14. her bedroom is a tip. I dont mean normal teenage mess, I mean environmental hazard mess. There are dirty dishes that she sneaks up there, pot noodle pots shoved down the side of her bed. We had mice at Christmas!

All her clothes are dirty. I have asked time and time again for her to bring washing down. All she brings is the bare minimum of washing that she needs, ie; one set of school uniform, one pair of jeans and a top that she wants to wear. She normally washes her own clothes now because of this, but she washes them as she needs them. She has a binbag full of washing in one corner, the rest is all over the floor, including smelly dirty underwear. When she runs out of clean underwear, she will take to wearing mine. She will even wear her brothers boxers.

She has broken countless expensive items by lack of respect. Her laptop over heats because she would fall asleep with it on her bed. Now she will take her brothers things without asking and refuses to give them back or denies she has them until we have a big shouting match about it. We have to unplug the wireless router and take it to bed with us or she will sneak downstairs and be on the intenet until early hours of the morning.

I have helped her tidy her room countless times but within a few days it is a mess again. The bedroom is now in such a mess it stinks. Last summer she paid for paint and new soft furnishings to decorate the room herself. I thorght then that she would begin to take pride in it but she still doesnt care.

Her personal hygiene is also very bad. She goes out to school with perfectly straight hair and make up on, but she will smell of BO because she hasnt washed. If we are lucky she will have a shower once a week.

On Friday I gave her an ultimatum that she has until the end of today to clean her room or I will go in and clean it for her and on doing so will remove all her things. Up until not she hasnt done a thing and I really dont expect her to.

So tomorrow I want to not only clean her room, but take away all her things including books, ipods, make up and straigteners (which will upset her the most) and leave her with two sets of clothes, underwear, uniform and pyjamas.

I want her to respect her own and other people posessions. I dont know whether by leaving her with so little will do more harm than good but I just dont know what to do next.

My dses would like you to know how grateful they are for this thread. You have inspired me to inspect their rooms and get tough with them about the horrible state of them! Ds3 is currently on notice that if he doesn't tidy his room by tomorrow night, I shall be tidying his room and I'll be charging him for it too! The other boys are getting a little leniency because they are about to start taking their exams, so need to spend their time revising - but once the exams are over - it's black bag time!!

bellavita - I agree with that. My two are chalk and cheese in that respect.I now accept messy bedroom but floor has to be cleared once a week, and no food.

David the only time my room was every immaculate as a child was when I had exams - I am queen of procrastination

Hi everybody.

It has taken me about 4 hours today stripping and cleaning DDs room.

I have four bin bags full of washing. Her chest of drawers which I thorght contained clean washing had all kinds of shite and dirty washing in them. So Ive emptied them all out.

I filled two and a half bin bags with rubbish. Apart from coke cans and crisp packets, which she must sneak in from school because I dont buy them, it was mainly cut up magazines and posters.

There is two medium size storage boxes containing all her bits and pieces. These are the things that she needs to earn back.

There was also a pile of school books and handouts scattered across the place.

Thanks for the warning about used sanitary towes left in knickers, I found them at the back of the drawers. I think that was the worst of the smell!

DD is sitting here all smug that her room is clean. DH is out this evening so I am allowing her to think that she has got off scot free. DH and I are going to decide together what we expect of her and what she will get in return. Tomorrow we will speak to DD together.

This also gives me time to get all her washing done and put away and hide her belongings. I have to speak with DH first but I was thinking of drawing up a contract something along these lines.

Shower each night = use of straighteners next morning
No shower no straighteners

Dirty clothes in wash basket, bed made, general tidy every day = earn back her belongings including make up and clothes

Bedding washed and changed, floors brushed and mopped etc once a week = pocket money at end of the month

Amount of time spent on homework/revision = internet time
Thank you for whoever suggested that idea

Im not expecting things to change overnight and DD might want to compromise on what I am thinking. I think I will have to be like a dog with a bone over the next few weeks and months to make it work, but I really cant allow things to get that bad again.

Good luck!

Davidtennant

used Sanitary towels in draws vomit.

Good job Voldie ! Hold tight. And double BOAK at sanitary towels.

I think they all sound like really sensible ideas. Particularly like no shower no straightners.

But I was a tidy kid, and haven't got to teenagers yet!

Good luck!!

Definatly was a double vomit moment. It would have been worse if I hadnt been fore-warned here.

Sanitary towels have a new home in the bathroom, She used to have her own supply in her bedroom That was a bad idea.

Do tell us how DD reacts when she realises the (not so) grim truth!

You know, with regards to the sanitary towels, a good percentage of the mums of teenage girls that I've spoken to have said that their girls did the same I certainly never did that. But I can remember all the girls having to stay behind after school once, to find out who had stuck their used sanitary towel to the wall in the toilets. Disgusting.

Voldie you've played a blinder! Well done, I hope she learns a lesson. But she might not......

Yes, I'm dying to now how she reacts too :)

Voldemort: serious respect! Keep going.

(Grabs notepad and starts writing down Voldy's pearls of wisdom.)

Gets on knees and thanks God for sons not daughters

Need to know how this one ends.

Keeping tips for DS's re: earning merits and possessions back. At the moment we are OK but they haven't got to teens yet.

Haha At the moment she is up in her room listening to her ipod, which is going tomorrow. She has just set up her TV and DVD player that she hasnt been able to get to in so long. That will also have to go.

If it wasnt so awful it would be really sad. I think she is really happy that her room is clean, she couldnt have enjoyed sitting in it the way it was.

It might actually play to my advantage, letting her enjoy her room tonight. I doubt it though. There will be plenty of slamming doors when she realises we mean busness and there are consiquences to me cleaning her room.

I have put this thread on Watch as I'm dying to know how she responds to this.

Yayy Voldie!

DS2 [aged 9] was of the "if you want my room tidy, then YOU tidy it" persuasion.

So I gathered up all of his bedroom clutter into big bags and gave it back to him 10 items a night (at random, just as they came out of the bag), sitting with him while he decided if he still wanted each item and put it either in the bin or away tidily. Which taught him (I hope) if he wants to have nice stuff, he has to respect it and put it away properly.

Hasn't completely cured him but he is a bit better now. And at least it kept his room tidy for about 3 weeks!

I fear we will have further battles when he's old enough to decide he doesn't want a bath ... fortunately he still loves them. So I will be watching your experience with interest. Good luck Voldie and I want to know what happens so I can learn from you.