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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so cross about this?

103 replies

mckenzie · 22/04/2011 09:50

DS (9) has always had his hair cut fairly short (ie, no 3 all over or maybe No3 with no 2 at the sides). I've been saying for the last few years how I'd really like him to grow it a bit longer, see how it looks.

DH has been nagging me for ages to get his hair cut but DS and I (and I mean it, DS has genuinely told me that he likes it longer) have 1) not had the time during these holidays and 2) liked it a bit longer.

I have though made an appt for DS for next week with my friend who is a barber to help us decide on a style to aim for and to trim it up.

(if you're still with me, thank you!)

DH has taken the children out for breakfast this morning and I just called to ask him to pick something up for me and guess what? They are not having breakfast, they are in the barbers and DS now has a No 2 Sad.

I know it's only hair but I'm sad that DS, who was looking great with slightly longer hair is now going to look like an urchin again and I'm cross that DH would do that, knowing full well that i really really didn't want it done.

So come on, am I completely over reacting? I know it's just hair but..... {sad] Sad

OP posts:
dandycandyjellybean · 22/04/2011 09:52

yanbu he is a git bloke!

GypsyMoth · 22/04/2011 09:52

i did this with my ds,he's 12 now. he's still very blonde and looks good longer

would be furious with your dh

DuelingFanjo · 22/04/2011 09:53

how does DS feel about it?

bit sneaky of him (DH) to say he was doing one thing and then to do another.

marmaladetwatkins · 22/04/2011 09:54

YANBU. My DS has the hairstyle favoured by the Brian Coxes/Liam Gallaghers of this world i.e scruffy moptop. Once, a scissor-wielding harpie nigh on scalped him and how I stopped myself from taking her own scissors to her I will never know.

Also, wtf is with your DH going behind your back like that? Stern Words would be had if he were mine...

FabbyChic · 22/04/2011 09:58

I'd be livid, to be honest I don't like skinheads on kids, I like them to have some style with longer hair and maybe some gel.

thefurryone · 22/04/2011 10:02

Why do you think you have more rights over your son's hair than your DH? Shouldn't the decision on whether or not to grow his hair be up to your son? Perhaps he asked his Dad to take him to the barbers knowing that you were unwilling to let him have the haircut he wanted?

onceamai · 22/04/2011 10:08

I don't think it's that big a deal. Our DS is 16 now and much repeated words in this house are "you need a haircut" "shall I make an appointment for you" "can you actually see" "don't your masters tell you off", etc., etc.. The days when he would have willingly gone to the local barbers with either of us are long gone - enjoy a little joint control over him while it lasts.

pointydog · 22/04/2011 10:08

I think it's a bit odd that you both take such an interest in your 9 yr old's hair. I'd leave it up to him.

Original poster
mckenzie · 22/04/2011 10:21

thanks for all the replies.
Yesterday when I wet the back down for him (he had bed hair and couldn't reach the sticky out bit) he said that he really liked his hair as it was now. I doubt very much he has asked to go to the barbers - they were on their way to his favourite breakfast cafe and nothing comes between DS and his food Smile.

OP posts:
carabos · 22/04/2011 10:22

Anyone read Andre Agassi's biography where he tells the tale that when Steffi went out to the gym for an hour he shaved the baby's head....?!

Maternelle · 22/04/2011 10:23

YANBU. I would be extremely pissed off.

cryhavoc · 22/04/2011 10:32

A wise (and drunk) woman once told me, 'At the end of the day, hair grows'.

It'll grow back. YA only NBU if your DH forced your son into the chair and made him have it cut. Then he's been a bit mean. Otherwise, I would let it go.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 22/04/2011 10:38

I would be angry too - partly because he lied to me (well a LOT because he lied to me), because he has just gone against my will (adults discuss things) and largely because he has made DS do it against his will when it's not something we have agreed on.

It would not be a good start to the long weekend. Words Would Be Had. Serious words.

GiddyPickle · 22/04/2011 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WassaAxolotlEgg · 22/04/2011 10:46

So, because you didn't do what he wanted, he went behind your back. Pretty bad. Especially if the actual owner of the hair didn't even want it cut.

If your son had wanted a haircut, I'd have said maybe it was you being unreasonable, but if that's not the case, I think you should , erm, express your feelings to your husband. Loudly.

OryxCrake · 22/04/2011 10:46

Carabos - yes, that's hilarious when Andre Agassi shaves the baby's head. And it was an accident! Apparently...

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 22/04/2011 10:50

YANBU What happens the next time you disagree about something. Will he lie to you/go behind your back again?

zipzap · 22/04/2011 11:25

I'd make sure you tell your 'd'h that you think ds hair looks worse than it did before and find out exactly why he took him when your ds a) wanted to grow his hair a bit and b) you had already got an appt lined up to get it trimmed with a friend so he has now put you in the embarrassing position of having to cancel that.

Did your dh have his hair cut at the same time and use that as an excuse as being there anyway so might as well get it done or did he go explicitly to get your ds hair cut? Is your dh somebody that likes to have his own hair short and thinks his son should be like him, that having his hair a bit longer is an affront to him or does he just like short hair on boys?

And what does your son think of his new hair cut? Especially as it sounds shorter than normal? Think you need to have a discussion with him and your dh at the same time to establish that your ds is now old enough to have some say in how to have his hair (especially as it doesn't sound like he wants green dreadlocks or something else that would cause problems at school!) and make sure that your dh knows that he shouldn't just take ds off for a hair cut but that if ds finds himself in a position that one parent is getting him to do something different from what he and other parent wants then what happens... So if at a barber he can tell the barber shat he wants or that he is going to get in trouble with his mum or gets to ring up his mum beforehand or whatever...

Hope your dh is suitably penitent and ds gets a treat to make up for miserable haircut!

nulliusxinxverbax · 22/04/2011 11:28

Sounds like DH see's sons hair as too feminine when long, likes him to have a "manly skinhead".......

Reindeerbollocks · 22/04/2011 11:29

YANBU if the 9 yo wants his hair a certain way and it doesn't go against school policy why is his dad being so stubborn about the haircut he has to have?

I'd have a chat the three of you and say that your son should be able to choose how he has his hair (as long as it's not wild).

DS has Beiber hair and it's very cute.

TidyDancer · 22/04/2011 11:30

DH is a disgrace. It's not that you should have more say over the hair than him, but he has apparently deliberately deceived you over this. He should be thoroughly ashamed. Though the type of people who would do something like this probably will never feel that way.

I would castrate DP if he did this behind my back, it's out of order. And yes, it's only hair, but that's really not the point.

jojowest · 22/04/2011 13:18

why should your wishes take priority over his dad's?

that said, i cried when my boys had their hair shaved off for the first time :(

exoticfruits · 22/04/2011 13:27

I would say that the only one that matters is DS-it is his hair!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/04/2011 13:31

YANBU.

My OH did this once with DS1. My kids are mixed race and have lovely curly hair. I like it longer. OH took him to west indian barbers who told him 'you shouldnt let it get like this' (fecking cheek) and scalped him, cutting his ear in the process.

He looked like a little gansta with his skinhead. I hated it!

He never did it again. DS1 is now 17 and has dreads down to him bum. He is swooned over wherever he goes.

Mum knows best Grin

CurrySpice · 22/04/2011 13:32

pointydog

"I think it's a bit odd that you both take such an interest in your 9 yr old's hair. I'd leave it up to him."

Erm because he's nine and presumably he doesn't earn enough money in his job in the city to afford hair appointments Hmm

I would be livid about this - mostly about the deceit tbh. I hope your DS is OK with his new do