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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so cross about this?

103 replies

mckenzie · 22/04/2011 09:50

DS (9) has always had his hair cut fairly short (ie, no 3 all over or maybe No3 with no 2 at the sides). I've been saying for the last few years how I'd really like him to grow it a bit longer, see how it looks.

DH has been nagging me for ages to get his hair cut but DS and I (and I mean it, DS has genuinely told me that he likes it longer) have 1) not had the time during these holidays and 2) liked it a bit longer.

I have though made an appt for DS for next week with my friend who is a barber to help us decide on a style to aim for and to trim it up.

(if you're still with me, thank you!)

DH has taken the children out for breakfast this morning and I just called to ask him to pick something up for me and guess what? They are not having breakfast, they are in the barbers and DS now has a No 2 Sad.

I know it's only hair but I'm sad that DS, who was looking great with slightly longer hair is now going to look like an urchin again and I'm cross that DH would do that, knowing full well that i really really didn't want it done.

So come on, am I completely over reacting? I know it's just hair but..... {sad] Sad

OP posts:
masterblaster · 22/04/2011 13:47

Yabu. He has as much right to have DS's hair cut as you. At least he is taking an interest.

Violethill · 22/04/2011 13:49

Most importantly, how does your ds feel about it? He's 9, not nine months, so frankly I would have thought he'd have spoken up if he wasn't happy

ENormaSnob · 22/04/2011 13:56

I would be fucking furious.

MadamDeathstare · 22/04/2011 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2011 14:22

I think this hinges on how your DS feels about it.

That said, I'd be spitting mad and tempted to give 'D'H a number 2 when he goes to sleep tonight!

RJRabbit · 22/04/2011 14:27

I would be very angry too, and planning to eat your DH's Easter egg. What did you do when they got home?

controlpantsandgladrags · 22/04/2011 14:32

I wouldn't be pissed off about the hair, but i would be very narked at the deception. Your Dh told you they were going out for breakfast knowing full well he was going to the barbers.....that makes him a bit of a twunt IMO.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 22/04/2011 14:36

Is your H usually this keen on getting his own way? Because if he did this knowning that your DS didn't want to have his hair cut this short, it is a rather worriying level of controlling, bullying behaviour. DS is not his father's property and the way he went about it - separating your son from you and decieving you so that you couldn't back your DS up - it's really not very good.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 22/04/2011 14:37

To those who say the DH has as much right as the OP...doesn't that also mean that the OP has as much right as the DH.

CareyFakes · 22/04/2011 15:03

How does your DS feel about it? If he's upset then your DH needs to buck his ideas up and take into account his son's feelings on his own personal appearence.

Considering he had made his concerns known, for him to go out and get your sons haircut is really childish and out of order. If he was that hepped up about it, he should've spoken to you instead of nagging.

Gutted for your DS, his hair, his appearence.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 22/04/2011 15:21

I like men and boys to have hair - so anything goes with me as long as it's not a skin head. YANBU, how nasty of your dh to do it like that!

exoticfruits · 22/04/2011 15:33

All this talk of 'rights' is laughable! DS is 9yrs old-ask him!

cherrypez · 22/04/2011 18:21

I love my little boys hair longer, but his bloody father takes him to the barbers when he has him and it really winds me up. He left for his dad's with Beiber hair and came back with it spiked. Spikes are 4 bloody hedgehogs not my handsome 6 year old. YANBU.

TheOriginalFAB · 22/04/2011 18:26

Both parents have a right but the father has deliberately gone against what the mother wanted. What was said to your son for him to agree to have it cut?

My 2 need their hair cuts but I can't be arsed and they don't want it cut anyway.

peeriebear · 22/04/2011 18:26

So have you asked your DS whether he wanted it cut or if dear old Dad browbeat/tricked him into it? That's pretty much the deciding factor between letting H know you are annoyed with him for being sneaky, and seriously opening that can of whupass (metaphorically).

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 22/04/2011 18:27

Sad I can't understand why people do that to boy's hair. It makes them look like thugs.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/04/2011 18:33

what is your DH explanation?

if there isnt a very very good one id be an unhappy (easter) bunny. yanbu.

sleepingsowell · 22/04/2011 18:47

totally agree with you Evenless. Can't stand these shaved cuts on boys, it uglifies them and as you say makes them look like thugs. everyone looks better with some hair!! And many boys really suit longer hair. I also think there are just a few years that they have this freedom, if they end up in a 'normal' type office job there is almost no chance they'll have long hair as an adult.
So I too would be really annoyed about this because it was rude and dismissive of the OPs husband to do this when it was clearly not what she wanted. Would be interested to know the child's preference...?
Just one thing though; it's probably only four, five years tops and he will probably have much longer hair by his own choice. All the teenage lads I see at the moment seem to have long hair.

GloriaSmut · 22/04/2011 18:50

Shaved heads on little boys are vile and I cannot see the attraction in making children look like skinheads. OK, the hair will regrow but it's the deception that would make me livid. That and the disregard of the child's own wishes.

pozzled · 22/04/2011 18:55

I'd be furious about the deception involved, and the lack of respect for the OP's and DS's views.

IMO, the 9 year-old should have the most say about his hairstyle, with both parents' views considered (and school rules etc where appropriate!). If the DH wasn't happy with it being grown then he should have discussed it with both the OP and DS.

Cutiecat · 22/04/2011 18:56

I would be livid. YANBU. He knew your feelings on the matter and totally manipulated the situation. Sorry but he is an arse.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2011 19:01

Shaved heads on little boys are not vile and it does not make them look like thugs. It's not to everyone's taste, but then neither is long hair. When my boys were little they had very short hair and looked adorable. It was also easy to deal with when a parent in DS1 class refused to clear up her child's head lice and continually infected the entire class!

I now have a long haired teenager and 2 younger boys who spend more time than me in front of a mirror styling their hair. I quite miss the days of the buzz cut!

sleepingsowell · 22/04/2011 19:06

I've never seen a boy with a shaved head who looked adorable. Every single one has looked like a thug, sadly. It is a horrible look.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/04/2011 19:08

Ahh well, you haven't seen my three, who are utterly gorgeous Wink

MissPaintyOeuf · 22/04/2011 19:08

YANBU, but because your DS liked it longer, not because of how you prefer it. A 9yo should be old enough to have a say in his own haircut.