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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so cross about this?

103 replies

mckenzie · 22/04/2011 09:50

DS (9) has always had his hair cut fairly short (ie, no 3 all over or maybe No3 with no 2 at the sides). I've been saying for the last few years how I'd really like him to grow it a bit longer, see how it looks.

DH has been nagging me for ages to get his hair cut but DS and I (and I mean it, DS has genuinely told me that he likes it longer) have 1) not had the time during these holidays and 2) liked it a bit longer.

I have though made an appt for DS for next week with my friend who is a barber to help us decide on a style to aim for and to trim it up.

(if you're still with me, thank you!)

DH has taken the children out for breakfast this morning and I just called to ask him to pick something up for me and guess what? They are not having breakfast, they are in the barbers and DS now has a No 2 Sad.

I know it's only hair but I'm sad that DS, who was looking great with slightly longer hair is now going to look like an urchin again and I'm cross that DH would do that, knowing full well that i really really didn't want it done.

So come on, am I completely over reacting? I know it's just hair but..... {sad] Sad

OP posts:
millie30 · 22/04/2011 19:09

If anyone cut off my little boy's long golden hair I'd be livid! And the deception involved is rather worrying.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 22/04/2011 19:26

Shaved heads can look lovely. It is also a pretty practical haircut TBH.

But I have my reasons for keeping my DSes hair long. I want to distance them from the bling, hip hop culture (I dont belive all hip hop is evil but I am talking about the sterotype that all black boys are supposed to fit in to).

DCs 1 & 2 have locks. Ironically, 20 years or so ago, this would have put them into a different, 'dangerous' sterotype. Now I feel it has different connatations.

I am not sure about DS 3 & 4 because their hair is quite soft. I dont know if I will be able to locks it. It also looks nice long and doesnt go into a mad afro so easier to have longish.

sleepingsowell · 22/04/2011 19:30

karma I'm sure yours are of course utterly gorgeous Grin

PrincessScrumpy · 22/04/2011 19:30

I would be livid. Nothing more I can say. DH wouldn't dare. He took dd to hairdresser for me as I had a dental appointment. He made me write down my instructions!

hairylights · 22/04/2011 19:35

Yabu. His dad has every right just as you do.

thefurryone · 22/04/2011 20:44

Surely if both parents have equal rights over their child's hair then the fact the OP was going against her DH's desire for his son to have short hair is as bad as him going against hers for it to be long? If the son is happy should this honestly matter?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 22/04/2011 20:59

The problem is that it seems the H disregarded the child's wishes and may have pressured him into having a haircut he didn't want - in order to demonstrate to the OP that he is the Man of the house and his wishes take priority.

MadamDeathstare · 23/04/2011 02:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoistTowelette · 23/04/2011 05:39

A few weeks my husband took it upon himself to fix our toddlers fringe whilst I was at work (work evenings).
The next morning, she came out of the bedroom with what I can only describe as an extreme 'friar tuck with scraggly bits'. He was so proud of himself and I was furious. The poor little bugger looks ridiculous.
Totally understand where you are coming from...

exoticfruits · 23/04/2011 07:02

The whole thread is madness, with 'rights' over a 9yr old's hair. By 9yrs they have their own ideas and both parents should respect them.

EttiKetti · 23/04/2011 07:16

so what was dHs excuse? And how does DS feel, poor lad - mine is only 6 and has views on his haircut already!

thefurryone · 23/04/2011 08:23

But we don't actually know what the child thinks of his new haircut his Mum hasn't told us (probably because it turns out he likes it and wanted to have it cut). He could well have just changed his mind and wanted to go back to his usual haircut, but felt that because his Mum was pressurising him to do what she wanted he couldn't ask her so turned to his Dad. But because this is Mumsnet the man in the story has to be the unreasonable one Hmm I'm just surprised that no one has told her that she needs to leave the "control freak" yet.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 23/04/2011 08:28

Thefurryone: OK we don't know that, but the OP did state that the DS had liked his hair long and it was only the H complaining.

thefurryone · 23/04/2011 08:32

I know she said that, I'm just grumpy this morning and her story is very one sided without any subsequent update about Son's opinion and I suspect we'd have heard more if son had arrived home in tears about it.

Hopefully he likes it, Mum has now seen it realised it's not that bad and they spent a lovely bank holiday together as a family meaning she didn't have time to update us Smile

BristolJim · 23/04/2011 08:39

OP, you say in your OP that you didn't have time to cut it. Sounds like DH was just doing you a favour TBH.

Also, if you've told him that you haven't had time, then I think YABU as he's just trying to help.

Original poster
mckenzie · 23/04/2011 08:56

morning all. sorry for lack of post until now but we lost our internet connection.

DS has said that he doesn't mind it short or longer but "dad wanted me to get it cut so I did".

When they came home yesterday and I asked DH if we could take about it, I said i felt upset that he had, it seemed to me, deliberately gone off to do something that he knew full well I really didn't want done. Irrespective of he fact that it was just DS's hair we were talking about. DS has had his hair to DH's liking for the last 9 years (ie very very short) and i thought it wasn't unfair to try growing it a bit longer and seeing if we all liked it, especially as DS had told me this is what he wanted to do.

If we had not had any discussion about DS's hair and he suddenly came home with it very short it would be different but it's the fact that DH and I have spoken about this many many many times in the last month and DH knew that I really wanted to just try growing it for a while.

OP posts:
speakercorner · 23/04/2011 09:03

I think men can have very strong opinions about long hair on boys - my DH, who is v v laidback can't believe some of my friends' sons 'look like girls'. I guess this is something that really matters to your DH. You probably make most of the decisions about your DS so I would let this one go tbh.

CinnabarRed · 23/04/2011 09:03

And how did your DH react to your conversation?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 23/04/2011 09:43

Speakercorner: but the man's opinion is his problem if the boy wants his hair long. Your H should be teased mercilesly every time he comes out with sexist shit like that. If any man around me said such things I would hoot with laughter and shout 'How clever of you to do a funny impression of a homophobic arsehole.!

Northernlurker · 23/04/2011 09:48

I think your dh behaved apallingly and I would be furious too.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2011 10:00

But what was his 'excuse' for going behind your back? For deceiving you? (it doesn't matter what about, it's his behaviour I find dispicable). He wanted his own way at any cost...

pingu2209 · 23/04/2011 10:13

Personally, I think increadibly short hair on a child makes them look like a thug.

thefurryone · 23/04/2011 10:41

So your DS does mind having his hair short, or really seem to care about having it long as much as you do, take your lead from him. He's being much more rational about this than either you or your husband.

CheerfulYank · 23/04/2011 10:56

My son has very short hair in the summer and he does not look like a thug!

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2011 11:35

And your husband said...?