to apologise for having a positive birth experience?

[cookingbaby2]

I experienced a positive labour and birth with my first child and am due to give birth again in July. I attended an antenatal yoga class last night which focuses on positive birthing and it got me thinking again about how much people (mainly my NCT group) didn't seem to want to hear my positive birth story when I had my daughter. I felt like I almost had to apologise for the fact that my labour lasted eight hours compared to my friend's 56 hour one.

AIBU to feel pissed off that people don't realise how much effort I put into mentally preparing myself for labour (research, classes etc) and keeping completely active and positive throughout? When I see women lying flat out during labour on the likes of one born every minute I think neither wonder they are screaming their heads off. I think there is a lot to be said for remaining active and optimistic.

In a way I went from feeling totally empowered by my experience to feeling guilty. I don't want a bloody medal but would appreciate it if it wasn't passed off as me being 'lucky'.

For the record I am in no way criticising or judging women who have horrendous labours and births that are out of their control.

Hormone charged rant over!

Oh, and if there ever IS a next time, it will, sure as shit, be an elcs.

sorry - I think YABU - I think you probably make people who had had a difficult birth feel inadequate. You should be grateful for the experience you have had - some are not so lucky (whether or not they have prepared)

AIBU to tell the OP to shove off?

I did all of the above, mentally prepared myself, relaxed, PMA etc etc still had a bloody awful labour that nearly killed myself and DC. I hate smug people.

i notice you've not come back to your thread.

not surprised.

'people don't realise how much effort I put into mentally preparing myself for labour (research, classes etc) and keeping completely active and positive throughout'

what planet are you on? do you really think that there aren't countless women out there doing the same thing but it didn't work out????

I had a lovely labour with DD in a MLU, it was a calming atmosphere with just DH and I.

However, most birthing experiences aren't like that, and it's about having sympathy and understanding when others are worried about what their birthing experience will be.

Oh and YABU, nothing you actually do in preparation for labour actually makes a difference, if you are going to labour well, that is down to good midwifery care, and your body being able to do as it should. If it's going to go wrong it will do, no amount of preparation can change that. So in that sense it is down to luck and good hospital care.

It's funny- I am usually pretty stoic about my labour and shruggy ('well we both came out fine') but actually this thread has made me feel very genuinely crappy.

My cousin gave birth 5 weeks ago, and had a very good experience, and has been great at bf as well (which I also failed at). So maybe this is all a little raw.

I know a few people like the OP who had such amazing experiences, that I was made to feel like a terrible failure for DD getting stuck and needing forceps.
I secretly hope their children become juvenile delinquents.

You were lucky, and you are a fool to think otherwise. I put loads of effort into preparing for my first labour. It was horrific. Labour 2 was actually ok, despite it taking place three months early, so obviously I was not prepared in the slightest...

I expect you also think that a trouble-free pregnancy is all down to keeping fit and eating healthily?

By the by, if you think it's acceptable to rave about your wonderful empowered labour in a room full of people for whom the experience was deeply traumatic, you are seriously lacking in common humanity. Why on earth would they want to listen?!!

YABU. I did NCT classes, hypnobirthing, antenatal yoga classes, shiatsu to keep me calm etc and got a three hour labour with no need for pain relief and no interventions. Good God I must be marvellous.

Except that a good friend attended the same classes as me and did the same hypnobirthing prep and had a 56 hour labour resulting in a failed attempt to get her daughter out with forceps and a crash c-section.

From which I conclude that there are some situations yoga is not going to help you in. And sneering at anyone who has had a tough time (which is what you did in your post) is mean, unnecessary and spiteful.

I do tell my birth story to pregnant women. Only to say 'look it may be godawful but it isn't always godawful'. But if I'm with other mothers why would I need to talk about my experience?

Well done OP. You should be a consultant for the NHS. After all, if it's just a matter of positive attitude and research, just think how much money they could save if they re-educated all these negative ignorant mums who just haven't put in the work .

In the opposite to a lot of these.

I was terrified about labour. Not at all positive, read everything I could get my hands on, thought it would all go wrong, was absolutely convinced I was going to have to have an emcs. When I actually went into labour I remained terrified and started having PTSD flashbacks.

The MWs were fantastic, they gave my pethidine to relax me and then I had G&A - had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery in 8 hours from the first contraction, some tearing but nothing majorly awful. Mostly on my back because I felt I had the most control in that position, despite encouragement to try out others and see how I felt. BF went really well.

I'm really positive about my birth this time and I'm glad that I'm not going to be panicking about it through the last months of my pregnancy. But I know if things do go wrong - there is no way in hell it's because I wasn't 'prepared' or 'active' enough.

You are being smug, grow up before you lose your friends.

I have had multipel positive birth experiences. Each of which gave me a beautiful helathy child at the end. But then, thats my only criteria. I'm not to fussed about the tearing or the annoying midwife (granted, i had just vomited on her shoes, so she did have a right to be upset)

My birth plan was simple. I wanted my baby delivered.

You can't prepare for the unexpected. I was so prepared and sure I would get my fantasy birth experience that I was planning on a homebirth/birthing pool.

I was still cycling 26 miles to work at 6 months, swimming, ante-natal yoga, pregnancy massage, ate brilliantly, worked up until 39 weeks and had done soooo much research I was, quite frankly, an utter bore.

What I didn't plan on was a massive hemorrhage at 16 hours, my baby turning back to back, gas and air making me vomit and pain so unbelievable that no amount of breathing techniques, raspberry tea or clary sage was going to help me. Cue epidural and EMC after 36 hours.

It's luck. I'm pleased for you and hope your next one is as smooth, but I'm still disappointed my birth went that way in spite being very healthy, and I would probably find it hard to listen to your reasoning if I was at your NCT group.