to apologise for having a positive birth experience?

[cookingbaby2]

I experienced a positive labour and birth with my first child and am due to give birth again in July. I attended an antenatal yoga class last night which focuses on positive birthing and it got me thinking again about how much people (mainly my NCT group) didn't seem to want to hear my positive birth story when I had my daughter. I felt like I almost had to apologise for the fact that my labour lasted eight hours compared to my friend's 56 hour one.

AIBU to feel pissed off that people don't realise how much effort I put into mentally preparing myself for labour (research, classes etc) and keeping completely active and positive throughout? When I see women lying flat out during labour on the likes of one born every minute I think neither wonder they are screaming their heads off. I think there is a lot to be said for remaining active and optimistic.

In a way I went from feeling totally empowered by my experience to feeling guilty. I don't want a bloody medal but would appreciate it if it wasn't passed off as me being 'lucky'.

For the record I am in no way criticising or judging women who have horrendous labours and births that are out of their control.

Hormone charged rant over!

Actually, I was one of those on my back also (as I had synto drips/ monitoring both times round) but again, I still had a very good experience (both times). I wont bother doing a birth plan etc.. this time round to be honest as I have no idea whats going to happen/ am fully aware its out of my control and accept anything could happen (CS etc.. ). It'll depend on how lucky I am this time round too...

dreaming puts it better than I did.

Pathetic! I too had a great birth with a lovely epidural that meant the second stage was a truly fantastic experience. I just feel LUCKY that I didnt go through the hell some women do, not cheesed off that other people didnt care aboit it as much as I did. And guess what - a positive 8 hr labour probably isn't going to be as interesting a story as a 56 hour one.

'Mentally preparing myself for labour' - ahahaha! I read all the books and did the classes too. Because i was interested in what was going to happen, not because i thought I was buying myself a good birth. But then, I'm not stupid.

Overall, I had a positive birth. It wasn't the one I wanted but it wasn't in any way a bad birth.

But I didn't prepare at all for it. I just got lucky.

actually cory I liked how you put it -- so true, empowerment shouldn't be reliant on boasting!

op, fuck off.

what dreaming said.

I think it's very easy to come off as smug and self-righteous instead of empowered & optimistic. I had good birth experiences: yoga, water-birth twice.

But talking excitedly about how it went can seem like preaching and people don't necessarily want to hear it. Which is fair enough. People only want advice they ask for, and rarely even want that .

You and I were lucky that everything went smoothly.

Calm down, it's now wooooorrth it!

it's not, shiney

I thought it was a namechanging regular up for fun, and was about to give it 8/10

I have wondered about some of these classes that don't promote a realistic attitude. What happens to the mothers who have complications? Are they banned from post-natal meetups and made to feel like failures? All sounds like a 'set yourself up for PND' class.

Actually, maybe we should be kind to the OP. Reading between the lines, perhaps she:-

-the birth of her first child went okay, and she stopped feeling worried about childbirth
-she's now pregnant again
-she's been watching One Born Every Minute and is terrified

• is now grasping for reasons why she'll definitely have a repeat of birth 1, and not an awful, painful mash-up.

That's why I don't watch OBEM OP. ,

When you say you get annoyed about your good birth experience being 'passed off as 'lucky'', you are indirectly saying people who had less good experiences are not unlucky. What are they, then? Lazy?

So no, don't apologise. I'm sure it hurt. I'm sure your breathing and relaxing techniques really helped. Hope you're as brilliant at labour the next time, cos if you end up flat on your back with your legs in stirrups being monitored I'm sure it'll be because you weren't putting the effort in.

I didnt want to hear about anyone else's birth experience bad or good when I went to my first antenatal classes. I hate that. I didnt want some twat goinmg on about how it was for her last time when it was my first time

Friend of mine had a doddle first labour, all of her other labours were horrendous as the babies all got bigger and her pelvis clearly didn't. She ended up having a terrible time including a shoulder dystocia (sp). A troublefree 1st labour is no guarantee of easy future labours.

A friend of mine had a very positive birth experience with her first. 5 hours from the first twinge to the baby being born. She however acknowledged how lucky she was and I found most of us were very interested to hear her story.

Well I guess she now has a fair insight in to how her NCT group felt when she started on about it.....

ccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

"I think there is a lot to be said for remaining active and optimistic."

You had preparation and luck.

No amount of research or being prepared can prevent some of the complications that arise in many births each day up and down the country.

Preparation is excellent and will surely help each mother be more aware of what might happen, be more informed of what's going on, options, less stress, whatever - but your OP basically assumes that "if only mothers put in a little more effort then we could all have +tive birth experiences" - which is utter bollocks. Just because you don't come out and say it as bluntly as that in your OP doesn't make your message any less invalid.

Move on, and thank your lucky starts that your preparation and luck enabled you to get through this experience unscatched and untraumatised with a healthy baby and healthy body.

woops not sure what the CCCCCCC was all about! mis type!

It appears you had a very PMA and a huge dollop of luck the day you gave birth.

My fanjo got torn quite badly during the birth and I was stitched up incorrectly, resulting in a mad dash to theatre to remove a blood clot. No amount of research/ prep / breathing technique can prepare you for a hopsital cock up. When people complain/moan about their birth experience it's usually because the NHS has fucked it up for them.

You are not BU to talk about your positive birth expereince but you are BU to expect others to agree with you; it seems that you think that giving birth is a piece of piss if you study for it like an exam. So much of it is beyond the mothers control.

Giving birth is not a competition.

Did you give birth privately?

5 hours? Did she even get time to breathe in between contractions?!?

Come on now all the classes in the world aren't going to prepare you for a footling breach, or worse a prolapse cord. You were lucky as well as prepared.

I have had 2 text book births without many complications, I also did my homework but mostly I was bloody lucky. Lucky for loads of reasons, presentations that weren't too difficult, good midwife care, a quiet night in the delivery suite, babies that were an OK size for my pelvis, labour that started spontaniously. So many reasons, it's hard for me to see why you can't see it.

Women in developing countries still die much more frequently in labour then in the UK, because we able to intervene to save mum and baby, because birth can be difficult and complex, not because they aren't trying hard enough!

My labour went on for fecking ages because DD had her hand on her head. Perhaps if I had mentally prepared better, she might have moved it?