to be fuming at someone phoning ss on me

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i have no idea whom has, i think i am a good mum.

the social worker was lovely, and i am glad they did come even if this was a malicious phone call.

but i am so paroniod that someone is watching me now, i can belive someone would phone the ss on me

Never, they have a duty to investigate. I have no rights IME. Its even been to court.

A colleague once told me a story about another friend who social services had visited following a complaint.
The friend was utterly amazed as to why someone would call ss on her, the ss was lovely and satisfied that nothing untoward was going on with the children, she then asked the friend wether she had bought anything new in the last few months.

The friend first wanted to know why that would be of interest to SS, but finally admitted they had bought a new car 2 months ago, SS replied "70% of calls received are from jealous neighbours, following a new purchase of some kind by their neighbous e.g house extension, car, conservatory, etc simply out of malice.

Birdsgottafly? I'm really not having a pop at SWs. They get enough flak for a difficult job and while there is understandable outrage at the high profile cases sod all is ever mentioned about the much larger amount of kids saved from such fates.

But....if someone is repeatedly reported and every, single time it's seen to be unfounded, even malicious, at what point can it be said that this is evidently a smear campaign, the child is at no risk and stop following up every, last accusation? never? how the hell does having a parent live on their nerves like that ever benefit the child they're so interested in protecting?

And is there no point at which it becomes an offence to make malicious claims that are proven to be malicious? Surely the waste of SS time is criminal?

No, unfortunatly it isn't, and its the law, (sorry to quote again Children Act 1989), about investigating every referral, so out of SS hands. Thats the problem people blame SS for some of the practices without realising that we only do what the law (the government) tells us we must. The only other avenue is a private slander case but that is out of most people's price range.

Its ironic that having a parent with mental health problems which could be anxiety or depression caused by the situation would 'flag up' a possible concern. Most SW are not that easily fooled, so whilst stressful i would hope that the SW will be treating the victim of a malicious complaint with respect and understanding.

My ex recieved a visit from the Police courtesy of Social services and continued malicious allegations.

I would just like to say contrary to popular belief, the removal of a child is the very last resort a SW will try to work with the family to solve problems.

Maybe you do birds unfortunately not your colleagues are as nice.

Some people do go into certain jobs for the power kick. I and the people i work with have no qualms about whistle blowing for unacceptable contuct, so i won't ague with you on that one.

But i often post to try to remove the stigma because it isn't always 'failing families' its just people needing help at times of crisis.

I know Birds, I know how SS works, I'm familiar with the child protection act, I'm familiar with frameworks like every child matters. I don't blame SS, they have to do what they have to do but I do think some legislation should be brought in so SS have the power to do something about repeat malicious callers in cases where it's clear cut this is what's happening.

You've just had your tenth referal to a family you've investigated nine times and found there to be no issues at all. The MO of the caller is the same, you know damn well this is malicious, the family have even told you they are having problems with XYZ and this is what is truly behind the calls rather than any genuine concern for the chil(ren). You can see it's tearing this family apart, causing real problems where none existed before (the exact opposite of what ypou spent years training to do) yet you're duty bound to go back AGAIN knowing your time is wasted, it's more stress for an innocent family, your time is being taken away from a child in real need and yet they continue this reign of misery because they can.

Aint rocket science is it?

I didn't have a crisis before the complaints. Tell me do you go into a house and find one cup sitting by the sink (everything else clean) suck your teeth and say' hmm obviously not keeping up with the housework then.' The people wonder why I live in fear.

Ha ha xstitch "housework" is a social worker favoirite. In their world untidy house = bad parent, but if your one of these sneaky parents who puts on a front to the outside world you can have a tidy house and it wouldnt matter how bad your parenting was, they wont come again. The same I find, with income / job. Where I live is very mixed with some very well off people and then whole areas of poor people or benefit claimants, and thats where SS hover. They appear to do a tick box system to find out if youre a bad parent -

1. Single parent
2. With partner but he is not biological father
3. Poor or claiming benefits
4. Young or young when became a parent If you tick 2 or 3 of these boxes you are guaranteed at least one visit where I live. Oddly enough, by social workers who either dont have children themselves or are paying someone else to look after theirs while they are out saving the world.

Was going to say what Birds says, MOST SW, are hard working, enthusiastic and want to see families stay together and learn to have a positive and fulfilling family life, and of course there is some bad apple SW, however there is in every single job that there is!

CSC, is a emotive job, plainly because vulnerable children are involved, SW are legally obliged to follow protocols and procedures, cases have been thrown out because simple procedures were not adhered too, even if that child was under section X (many sections)

A child will only ever be removed from there home environment as a absolute necessity, due to risk to the child.

The malicious referrals is NOT something that SW can help, we are legally and duty bound to interview and assess ALL complaints, for x-stich, I would seek legal advice, no-one should have to live there life like that, absolutely no one, however hopefully you have a SW (remember you're allocated SW doesn't have a choice, she is legally obligated to assess the situation with the child's resident parent), who knows that these are malicious and the case gets closed.

yes and then you get someone like mulliux... who has absolutely no idea!, and so what if the SW doesn't have children !, it doesn't make them not professional, because they dont parent

"I didn't have a crisis before the complaints. Tell me do you go into a house and find one cup sitting by the sink (everything else clean) suck your teeth and say' hmm obviously not keeping up with the housework then.' The people wonder why I live in fear."

If that's the case then you complain to
here

While I fully understand the difficulties facing Social Workers and the absolute importance of the child being first priority, I think there is one aspect they underestimate: the damage done to the child by the undermining of family confidence. When dd's medical condition was misdiagnosed as possible abuse, the person who suffered in the long run was dd. She was not removed from the family, but she saw enough to realise that her parents were under suspicion, that people did not believe what she said but looked for underlying, more sinister explanations, that her whole home life was being questioned. Incidentally, the main suspicions in this case were not from SS but from the medical profession and the school. We cooperated throughout, we stayed (more or less) outwardly calm and polite and as helpful as we could, but it still took a dreadful toll on dd.

And naturally, however hard we tried, it affected our parenting in the years to come, and naturally that added extra stress for dd: it is stressful to be parented by someone who has lost confidence.

Six years later, dd was still school refusing on a regular basis, she started self harming and threatening suicide so that she would not have to go out into the outside world- when probed, she explained that she did not feel she could ask adults for the help she needed as that might bring on more suspicion. Extensive CAHMS involvement did little good as dd was afraid to trust outside professionals, despite the fact that we had asked for their involvement (so she wasn't getting those feelings from us). She gave nothing away during therapy sessions, because she was frightened of saying the wrong thing.

Of course, this is not a reason not to investigate. Investigations have to be done!

But I for one would feel a lot safer if the SS on the thread recognised that it is not just a case of child versus parent "and we don't need to give a rats arse about the stress of the investigation because that only affects the adults".

Ime the child is just as likely as the parents to suffer from the stress of investigation and those effects can be very long lasting. Anyone who is involved in investigations needs to be aware of that and take all possible precautions to mitigate the effects.

'The malicious referrals is NOT something that SW can help'

The problem is IME there is no one who either can or will help. Apparently XH has rights to raise his 'concerns' and I cannot deny him that. From that I conclude that I have no rights.

I am waiting for the next complaint he is building up to it. He has been keeping her school uniform and jacket when he has her and when he returns her she is in clothes that do not fit. He has also binned her packed lunch box 'because'. I cannot really afford to buy 4/5 extra sets of school uniform a year or the same number of jackets. I predict the next complaint will be about her lunch at school, me failing to keep her warm or not having clothes that fit properly.

I do have to live like that and will have to for at least another 10 years, 12 if he can get away with it. The only way it will stop is if I hand her over to his mum for residency and agree to never see her again and that is a price I am not willing to pay. Or alternatively kill myself as that is what they really want and have boasted is their aim. Would not be good for dd either.

I fully accept that I have obligations but it is shit living in a world where I have no rights either. Why will nobody investigate the emotional abuse they have meted out on dd. Smacks of double standards to me.

Complain? Come on who are they going to believe a mother with several complaints against her or one of their own. Besides if I complain they will just decide I look guilty.

xstitch I am sat here at your story. I know its not the MN way but I really just want to come and hold you so you can let it all out.

My 'visit' was just that and the SW thought it was malicious jealousy - her words not mine, but I have spent the last 3 years years on edge.

birds I get SS have a job to do, but please have some compassion for those of us on the thread - just quoting statutory regulations is not helping.

slavewife please do not assume that I know nothing about these people, I know plenty. And yes, actually I do think its relevant, when they are critisising parents who are looking after children 24 hours a day, when they see theirs for an hour in the morning and 2 at night, or they are 21 with no children.
Its often said that bieng a parent doesnt come with a manual, and that you dont know how hard it is before having your own. Everyone is the perfect parent before they actually have children.....its very easy to be evangelical about how you will raise yours before they are actually here!!!

xstitch - I have every sympathy for you. Unfortunatly your case now seems to be filed under "arse covering", where SS know full well there is no issue, but due to the amount of complaints will not risk closing your case, just incase. This is the worst position to be in.

x-stitch, write a letter to the GSCC, explain everything in detail, give referral/case numbers etc... explain what these calls are doing to you, the "case" and the social worker are completely different when it comes to professional attitude! believe me it is, Ive seen one SW in all my time be sacked and stuck off, due to her attitude, and it wasn't even malicious, she just didn't have the "right" attitude to do the job.

Please write to the GSCC, Im sure they can do advice you further, if you want advice who better for it to go to, than from the TOP bosses, that all SW have regulate by!.

"But I for one would feel a lot safer if the SS on the thread recognised that it is not just a case of child versus parent "and we don't need to give a rats arse about the stress of the investigation because that only affects the adults".

I agree, I work with police, fire fighters, foster carers etc... as I work nights as part of the EDT, Ive seen some heinous sights, however I treat all the family with respect, attention etc... its not my job to judge or discriminated, I'm there to help families either overcome difficulties, or unfortunately the child to over come their home environment.

I am ashamed to admit that every time a story about a child not being saved hits the press 'the poor child' is my second thought. My first is 'oh shit I'm in trouble again'. I should be more compassionate rather than so selfish.

slavewife please do not assume that I know nothing about these people, I "know plenty. And yes, actually I do think its relevant, when they are critisising parents who are looking after children 24 hours a day, when they see theirs for an hour in the morning and 2 at night, or they are 21 with no children.
Its often said that bieng a parent doesnt come with a manual, and that you dont know how hard it is before having your own. Everyone is the perfect parent before they actually have children.....its very easy to be evangelical about how you will raise yours before they are actually here!!!"

well that's the majority of FT working parents then

The manual shite, doesn't stand when it comes to a families welfare and children's risk!

xstitch it is a completely normal reaction. My ex neighbour was terrorised by these people like you, when the baby P case hit her first thought was "Oh my god, theres going to be another clampdown, one more issue and they might take my two?"
Parents end up living in fear of these people. I told her, in the end, to say to them, I am not working with you anymore. You have nothing on me, and you know full well I'm a good parent.
Go away, or take me to court.
She was too scared at first, but in the end she did. The cowards never came back and closed the case. Dont pander to them and their power trips.

To be honest, slavewife, I have not met a bad SW in RL; they have all been most professional.

But it always worries me when I read these MN threads and suddenly realise that every single SW on them is talking as if the stress of investigation affected only the adults- and hence was of secondary importance.

After all, it's not me that's been cutting myself and refusing to go to work.