to be fuming at someone phoning ss on me

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i have no idea whom has, i think i am a good mum.

the social worker was lovely, and i am glad they did come even if this was a malicious phone call.

but i am so paroniod that someone is watching me now, i can belive someone would phone the ss on me

I dont agree that you dont know how hard it is before becoming a parent!, most SW do the job because of there own background, I know at least 6 SW, who have brought up their own siblings, due to X reasons, or have been a young carer in the home life, myself included!

It also worries me actually, it worries me no end, and I am so glad that my office is professional, kind, courteous, non judgemental etc... and I am glad that my professional environment is like this, and NOT of that which is being discussed here

I also think SWs need to realise that the manual thing does take on a different aspect once you have had your parenting questioned officially over a long period. I am a different parent after having been under suspicion. I seriously used to believe in myself as a confident laidback parent: I can't get back to that place.

I very much wish this was not the case, but it is. I do not blame anyone, but I also do not like having it suggested that our family should remain exactly the same as any other family. That cannot happen. We are doing the best we can.

nullius I don't think refusing to work with them is really a good idea. It would just make you look guilty. I was told that asking to be seen by the next district over so that I could avoid my XMIL's immediate colleagues would make me look bad.

Ok Yes there are people who can empathise, but I dont care if I get flamed for this, there is a world of difference between bieng a SAHM, full time 24 hours a day 7 days a week, possibly to a child with special needs, and someone who has had baby minded from 6 months while theyve been at work. When your children are only at home for a third of the day, its very easy to keep the house clean. When you have contact and conversation with other adults, its very easy to saty a bit saner. When you effectively have a break every day, its easier.
So I get angry when I see SW critisising SAHM for bieng less than perfect not abusers.
Surely you must see, there are many people on these boards very angry with social workers. I dont see any incompetant nurse threads on here. Why is that?

I think we are slightly talking at cross purposes here, slavewife: what I am trying to get across is that a child can be traumatised for years to come by having her family life questioned by professional, kind and corteous officials. Just as an operation done by a kindly and competent surgeon can still leave horrendous scars.

SWs who think they leave no scars behind because they are kindly and corteous do need to realise that they may be deceiving themselves. Of course it is far better to be investigated by kindly and corteous professionals, but it can still leave (perhaps unavoidable) damage.

Cory, you re saying differently to what MULL is saying, she is saying that because a social worker works full time, or that she is a young professional SW, then who is she to question others parenting!.

Yours is different, you have had your confidence knocked, and you now question yourself, in you re parenting skills.

I had SS (as it was known then, SS is not what the department is called now, its Children's Social Care) involvement since I was a tiny baby, if it weren't for SW involvement, my own childhood would have been non existent, as my WHOLE family (aunts, uncles GP's) we're all alcoholics and there drink came before anything else.

xstich I know it feels like that, but really, the more you let them in the more they will find fault with. The cup on the side, for instance. Because as I said, you are no filed under "arse covering". So they need to find fault to keep you there, so that if something did go wrong, they cant be accused of closing the file and leaving you to it.

At next meeting, say you want, in writing, a list of exactly what their concerns are. You will probably find they cannot do this.
Then, say either, if there arnt any go away and leave me alone, or if that makes you uneasy, say you want a specific timeframe set up for when you can "achieve" these things and they must then close the case.

Play them at their own games. Set them the bloody targets.

I was told that asking to be seen by the next district over so that I could avoid my XMIL's immediate colleagues would make me look bad.

That's awful.

Your posts are terrible- I thought maybe Social Services had policies in place to stop such obvious abuse of power happening now. Your district is stuck in the same place ours was twenty-thirty years ago.

cory you make a very good point, and yes slavewife is right we are not saying the exact same thing, you are probably putting it better than I am.

Slavewife, Im not saying that you cant be a SW if you are those things. Im not saying you shouldnt investigate abuse.
I am saying, dont go into SAHM homes, where they might be poor, single parents who are there 24 hours a day coping alone, and tell them off for not having a tidy house.

"I think we are slightly talking at cross purposes here, slavewife: what I am trying to get across is that a child can be traumatised for years to come by having her family life questioned by professional, kind and corteous officials. Just as an operation done by a kindly and competent surgeon can still leave horrendous scars."

"SWs who think they leave no scars behind because they are kindly and courteous do need to realise that they may be deceiving themselves. Of course it is far better to be investigated by kindly and corteous professionals, but it can still leave (perhaps unavoidable) damage."

No I agree cory, but it really is a hard line to address and get a suitable balance, IF, all professional reports are saying otherwise, like a child with a undiagnosed medical condition, that then comes to light with a diagnosed condition, however its CSC that then becomes the "bad" people, for following professionals in there reports and concerns, we're not medical people, so we can make that judgement call our self.

Its a blooming hard job, and for all the families Ive helped and the children Ive literally saved, all the criticism for the JOB!!! doesn't overshadow me helping vulnerable families and there children.
I understand what you re saying, but its a difficult line to tread.

I can show you many nurses, doctors etc... however they are not as emotive, nor are they media newsworthy, a nurse injecting a patient with the wrong medicine, is not going to get far, with a possible CSC failure of child abuse!

And slavewife, Im glad that they helped you out. I dont want to go into all of my involvement with these people on here. Plus it would take forever.

But be aware that my opinion is formed, in part, by my own family bieng full of violent alcoholics, and social workers bieng called in.
But my parents were well off, in a big house. So my needs counted for nothing.

I was told, aged 11, wafter bieng beat up, that "you should be grateful you live in such a nice house. I go places where kids live in horrible homes on estates."

slavewife, I am very aware that nullius and I are not talking about the same thing, but I took this remark of yours to be a response to my post as it echoed some of my wording: "It also worries me actually, it worries me no end, and I am so glad that my office is professional, kind, courteous, non judgemental etc..."

sorry if I was wrong

but it did seem to me as if you were saying that if you only worked in a kind corteous, professional, non-judgmental environment, then you needn't worry about stress caused to the children of investigated families because it's not going to be an issue

Many mistakes in that post, I need to go, as the children are badgering me to take them to the park.

Your previous post makes sense, however that's not what you said in your first post, anyway I hope you all have a good day x

and do please feel reassured that I do not judge doctors or nurses differently: in fact, if you search the archives you will find lots of negative posts from me about doctors and teachers and headteachers, not a single one about unprofessionals SWs

I fully accept and have always said that the only two people who did wrong in our case were a paed who started suspecting abuse without doing the proper tests (though his junior surgeon was asking him to) and the headteacher who kept treating a medical problem as a disciplinary issue

now I am sure paeds and headteachers have hard jobs, but they acted unprofessionally and I am not going to stop saying so

the SWs I came across did not act unprofessionally- or I would certainly be saying it loud and clear

Cory, sorry Im knackered, was at work til 4am this morning!.

Im Dyslexic also, so it doesn't help it gets worse by tiredness, but No what I was saying is that Im glad I am surrounded by social workers with those traits, and not the ones of the life experiences shared on here within CSC!.

"Your previous post makes sense, however that's not what you said in your first post, anyway I hope you all have a good day x"

That was to MULL.

I really need to go, kids are squawking at me x

I keep reading back, Im sorry MULL about your involvement, similar to my background also . x You "read" as if you've come out the other end tho??

Argh I really need to go x x x x

Yes just about thankfully.

Yes go see to your DC's have a good day

Oh thats shabby OP

malicious callers to the SS should be jailed

I had a malicious call to ss made about me, the caller said that I had hit kicked and bitten ds1(and said his name was Robin its not )on the School run. But I was in hospital on the day they said it happened.

The SW called and said that they were coming to see us A WEEK later but the only day she could do was the day of my Uncles funearel(sp?) and I asked for it not to be then as I was v v close to him. She said that was the day and it could not be changed.

She came and said what the complaint was and I was able to prove to her that I was in hospital and had been the whole of that week. I asked why she had the wrong name down for DS1 and I was told that was the name she had been given. and that was the name she had been to the gp and school with. Wtf!!!!!!! She then had to redo all the checks but she went on a 3 week holiday leaving us petrified the whole time. Eventulay we got a letter saying there was no problem. But those 8 weeks were the worst of my life.

I really do believe that there should be consequences for people making malicious complaints. I absolutely understand and accept that SW have to follow up on each and every complaint made to them. If they didn't and something were to happen, it would be their own neck on the line. HOWEVER, where there is shown to be a series of unfounded complaints made about one particular person or family, there should be a way of going after the person who has made the complaint. All of the time used by social workers following up on calls that are malicious is time taken away from children in REAL need. It should be criminal to waste time like this.

Slavewife, I take your point that SWs are professional and it shouldn't matter whether they themselves are parents, I take your point but I do believe that if they are parents themselves, they bring their own life experience to their professional life and maybe have a bigger picture view of what life as a parent is like? I know as a teacher that I was always professional in how I carried out my job, but I think after becoming a parent I'm not as judgemental and maybe a bit more understanding about things. It's not that you can't be a good SW without being a parent, but if you are a parent, you are more likely to have walked in that mother's shoes at some stage and can be empathetic?

Enjoy the sunshine.

my story like Corys they wndered if i had caused some of ds prblems , disabled childrens team not even the other side of ss .Even though ds had some dx condtins but becuase apparentley they dont present normally in the way did with him .It caused a few eyebrows and becuase i was pushing for more tests

It is only very recentley that ds has got the dx that i knew he would get if we saw the right person .Have they left us alone and even aplgised.

But it knocked me hard very hard and made me question myself and my parenting .despite fact that my other 3dc are fine and no one had any cncerns about them .ANd it has made me very wary of asking in the future should we need any help with his medical pd .

i accpet that is tough job both my fosters sisters had hrrendus childhoods but sbut sometimes it is when they g away they dont see the scars they leave behind

Nessa did you have to miss the funeral?

We had to wait 3 months for the letter to come through saying that they were closing the file. 3 months. And when we got the letter it said 2as discussed when I met you we are closing the file" - no she bloody didn't! 3 months we had to sit and wait, wondering if there was going to be a knock at the door. When we first found out we were reported I couldn't eat for 3 days (and nothing stops me eating) and over the 3 months I lost 3 stone. Like xstich I now suffer from anxiety, and am rather paranoid about things. I wonder who is watching me with the DC and what are they thinking. I can never ever relax. I imagine it will get worse when they start school. And I can't go to the doctor about by anxiety and possible depression as I am scared they will see on my file that I have been "involved" with SS and report me again. I am stuck.

Of course the children have no idea about any of this - which is as it should be. But what of my mental health? When the SW came she said that as long as the children were OK then they didn't care what happened to me. The "not giving a rats arse" thing. But surely my wellbeing is important for the children as well? Apparently not.

Whoops I lost 2 stone not 3. Still that's not good.