to be fuming at someone phoning ss on me

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i have no idea whom has, i think i am a good mum.

the social worker was lovely, and i am glad they did come even if this was a malicious phone call.

but i am so paroniod that someone is watching me now, i can belive someone would phone the ss on me

No, SS know where 'concern is' ,(SS do not think in terms of guilt, anyone can struggle). Sometimes families can be 'known' to SS (like people can be known to the police). The school will not be informed. But things can 'flag up' through to and from the education department. The children who the SW would like to help but cannot are not completly abandoned.

SW know that there can be plenty of smoke without fire, we are ordinary human beings. SS has a very negative image, sometimes unfairly so.

I don't think anyone can be against people raising genuine concerns that then turn out to have a logical explanations. You must also recognise that there are some people who tell vicious lies, some who even then openly boast about how they have got someone into trouble.

eg if someone reported that a child had lots of bruises and they turned out to have a bleeding disorder then that was well meaning

If someone reports that they keep hearing a child screaming and it then turns out to have some sort of SN which is being investigated by paeds then that is well meaning

I could think of more but don't want to bore you. ON the other hand:

Reporting someone has gone out and left a child on their own when in fact the child was in your care that night is malicious

Reporting someone is always drunk when in care of the child when you know for a fact that person is tee total is malicious.

Reporting that someone caused a child's injury when that child was at school at the time of the injury and the accused person was at work and this is known by the accuser then that is malicious.

Reporting that someone never feeds a child when that child is well fed and growing as well as is expected is malnourished is malicious especially when in an effort to prove the claim you tell the child not to eat the food cooked by the mother as it will be disgusting. Why is the person accused here considered guilty when the person doing the accusing is doing the child more harm.

I have plenty more of the malicious accusations but will only give one more as it is so ridiculous I can't see why anyone could think of it as genuine concern:

Reporting a mother as abandoning her child because she haemorraghed during a crash section and the MW took the baby until the mother came out of recovery after the consultant managed to save her.

All these accusations and more were levelled at me, and you wonder why I am sensitive about it.

I know it is a hard job birds and that lots of SW are doing their best under very difficult circs.

However threads like this don't help when there seems to be so much confusion. The harm that can be done to people by this process is real, even if they have done nothing wrong. I think that needs to be recognised more, and alleviated where possible.

I am going to bed now but before I go an unMNey hug {{{{{{{{xstich}}}}}}}}}

xstitch - You have had it bad. I'm speechless. I can understand why you are sensitive about it.

(Big Hugs).

xstich- i understand your POV but abusive parents are clever, all my point was that the system of reporting could not be changed without putting children in danger. I would not be doing the job if i did not believe in the right to a happy healthy childhood for all children. That also includes the right to a happy family life for everyone. I am certainly not saying all SW are good at their jobs but i felt offended when a poster afforded the comment about 'not giving a rats arse about families' to SW, that is just not true. Most SW want to try to help to get family life on track (we have had our difficulties to so we know things can go astray, that is why i have been saying it is not about guilt, we do not, or should not sit in judgement).

I know-before i qualified i was investigated because a neighbour felt that my DD with learning difficulties should not be allowed to walk to a local shop. A plan to increase independance had already been decided on but i still had to argue my case that i knew my DD (and so did her key worker) better than a stranger.

Oh come on how can reporting a mother for haemorraghing during childbirth be seen as anything other than malicious. So I only got out of that one by being clever. FFS.

It can not be anything but malicious but very few cases are that clear, it would be good if they were. Surely no action was taken against you?

I was investigated for it. It was used against me in court and I was investigated by my professional body for bringing the profession into disrepute. I was not struck off but now have an investigation against my name and will forever have to declare it and it is now making it more difficult to find work. The other allegations came later after that didn't fuck me up enough to keep XH and his family happy.

Auntiepickle: I sorry have not read this completely, but if SS ever came to my home after a complaint I would be devastated cos my two dc's were brought up fine with no need for SS to be involved whatsoever.

FWIW I am a single parent and have brought them up by myself for a very long time. I just have never ever had a breath of SS on my door so cannot understand why people do I am sorry but wish you all the best x

x-stitch, my sister was reported as refusing to take her baby home from hospital - the baby was premature and being ventilated at the time.

Some claims are so ridiculous surely to God it's a total waste of resources to investigate them, a bloody phonecall to the hospital to confirm on said dates the baby wasn't in any fit state to go home would suffice but no, it was a full on call out.

It happened to me, I was 19 with two kids when I got a knock on the door, thankfully he was lovely and it was put down to a malicious call (from a neighbour, I'm certain of it). It made me a nervous wreck, too scared to raise my voice, constantly questioning myself. I pinpoint that period of my life as when my anxiety issues began. It's an evil thing to do to anybody. Ironically just a few months later a baby living in the opposite cul-de-sac was injured by his father. So while he was sitting questioning me there was a child in real need of him within spitting distance.

xstitch what you have been through sounds appalling.

Until a manual of how to bring children up is set in stone and we all have to do the "right" way then SS will be feared by perfectly innocent people because it's down to interpretation.

Which ever prat took notice of xstitches ex's claims is no doubt still in the profession and there lies the problem/mistrust.
Interesting that you can sue the LA though, when did that come about and how far back does it date - I could do with a nice holiday paid for by BCC.

'Some claims are so ridiculous surely to God it's a total waste of resources to investigate them, a bloody phonecall to the hospital to confirm on said dates the baby wasn't in any fit state to go home would suffice but no, it was a full on call out.'

Exactly, surely it would free up time to investigate the more plausible claims and actually protect more children.

I can never trust SS while my XMIL works there, she hates me too much that she would use her position. I just can't prove it.

mamatomany-desicions are not down to interpratation, they have to be made within the law, guidelines an professionally backed up. To take a family to court has to go through a line manager, the department manager and then the legal team.

Under the law (1989 Children Act) a L.A must investigate all referrals regardless of where they come from. SW and SS do not pluck things out of the air. The changes made to the 2004 Act happened because of Baby P and other cases.

Surely calling a hospital and checking if a baby is fit to be discharged would count as investigation and not necessitate a visit to a mother who's child is in hospital. Surely the definition of an investigation is to take all reasonable steps to ensure safety of the child and to validate the claim. In cases like the baby in hospital sure calling the hospital, the experts in wither a child is fit to be discharged or not is reasonable steps and in fact visiting the mother would be excessive and in fact unreasonable. Not least in the disproportionate amount of time spent. If the hospital had said the child was fit for discharge but the mother was refusing then obviously that would be different.

The hospital is not allowed to share information unless a CP concern has been raised. Would you want your information shared so easily? If the procedure was not followed then SS would be someone to fear because there would be no such thing as privacy.

Children have died and been permently disabled because during investigations vital information has been missed. That is why the procedures now exsist. In the past the communication between police, SS and medical staff has been woefully lacking. The system has been developed so that everyone knows the part that they should be playing and nothing is overlooked. This is important in an overworked department.

If a complaint of child neglect has been made then a CP concern has been raised and they are therefore able to share the relevant information. IME there is no such thing as privacy anyway.

The definition of an investigation is thorough, not just reasonable. This does not come from SS, it is law. SS would be 'lacking in care' to not follow procedure.

Part of the investigation has to include the mother, this was a failing in the Victoria Climbie case, interviews were conducted over the telephone. I understand were you are coming from but i could give you a name of a dead child for every other alternative that you are suggesting.

A government department cannot question a doctor without good cause, there is limited privacy.

Fair enough but how is pushing a mother who is coping fine to the verge of suicide good for the child you are taking somewhere where the is no problem and creating a new one.

How would you feel if you had no life if as I explained above I drop a sock while putting on the washing and only find it after the washing machine is on. I cannot express fully the terror I feel when this happens, is this going to be enough to trigger another investigation if someone sees it or yesterday when one item fell off the washing line, will I be villified for it, every time dd goes to her dad's I worry something may happen that he can twist to happening while she is in my care or what upset I will have to deal with when she comes home. I clean all the woodwork weekly in fear of being accused of not cleaning properly. If I then see a scuff mark I feel panicked. If dd comes out of school covered in paint or such like I am inwardly freaking out who may see her before I get her home and changed. You have no idea how much energy it takes to hide these fears from dd because I strongly feel she has a right to a life without fear. There are many other things that the thought of makes me feel ill, it may sound irrational but when you see what has got me reported in the past you must try and understand.

My XH on the other hand gets to enjoy gloating and telling anyone who will listen what a horrible person I am and how much he can get me into trouble. not once is he told his claims are ridiculous he even gets patted on the back for being so caring. Yet the things he says to dd and I have raised concerns about apparently don't warrant investigation. Not really investigating everything is it? I feel persecuted and I don't believe I am being unreasonable in that.

I care about my daughter deeply and want her to be safe. I suppose everyone will think I am selfish wanting to live a life that is not lived in fear. The fear of the door bell, the phone ringing, a letter dropping on the mat because that is no life at all.

Also fear of losing my job, is the next complaint going to be the final straw. Being penniless will just give XH more ammo to complain about.

Dear god x-stitch, at what point are ss going to stop investigating this crap? there MUST come a time when ridiculous amounts of clearly unfounded claims and ss say enough is enough and realise what is actually happening here. You've been investigated enough times for them to be satisfied this is utter bollocks and your child is safe.

It's a form of stalking imo - and that's a criminal offence.

I can understand where your anxiety is coming from. It is always a difficult situation when an EXP/H turns on the resident parent. He should not be getting patted on the back but they cannot ignore him completly. The things that you are listing would not even get a mention on an investigation in the LA i work under. The only thing that i will say is that as your DC gets older the threat that you feel you are living under will lessen.