to be fuming at someone phoning ss on me

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i have no idea whom has, i think i am a good mum.

the social worker was lovely, and i am glad they did come even if this was a malicious phone call.

but i am so paroniod that someone is watching me now, i can belive someone would phone the ss on me

I just wish there was some acknowledgement and understanding in the service that contact with them can cause harm which there does not seem to be at the moment, as evidenced on this thread.

x-stitch - I knew a part of your story, but not this much :(

The life you are living is no life at all. I can't imagine worrying about ice cream or paint on clothes, missing a sock when you do the washing, or something falling off of the line :(

I just want to hug you and take you away from all of this x

I know it's easy to say from the outside - but surely if you report this high enough up the chain they would deal with your MIL appropriately. There must be someone you can talk to about what your Ex is doing with DD's clothes before it goes any further.

What about contacting Tim Loughton - I have heard him speak a few times and if I was in your situation I would contact him in a heart beat.

You have to do something, we have to be able to help you do something - you can't keep living like this :(

AuntiePickleBottom I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm very pleased for you that it's been dealt with well & quickly. Please try to put it behind you and not let if affect you, you children or your parenting x

Sardinequeen, yes I missed it and 3 years later I really reset being forced to.
Can any one explain why we had to wait a week before someone coming out?
If it was a true allagation surely it would have put the DC's at more risk?

I was reported spuriously too and have been on many of these threads. I don't see either why Baby P and Victoria Climbie are brought into these discussions with people saying "damned if they do, damned if they don't" and consider innocent families as collateral damage.

The outcomes, though different, when a truly at risk child isn't protected and when perfectly happy children are taken away, families shattered or subjected to horrific stress, have one thing in common. Suffering. Needless suffering. Whether that's because of the system, lack of funds, poor use of resources (as this thread has shown) incompetence - I don't know and I freely admit that.

No we don't hear the success stories but surely something isn't quite right about child protection in this country for such huge mistakes to be made so frequently?

Nessa that's awful. I can't believe they made you miss the funeral. Just unbelievable. If they thought there was a serious risk they'd have been there straight away - they obviously didn't think that as it was a week - what difference would another day have made? I'm so sorry.

Sardine, Leonie, Ninx :(

It's utterly shite isn't it. I have lived in a couple of other countries and it's nowhere near as bad as it is here :(

Thanks ChippingIn and manly pats on the back to the others

I am appalled that so many people on parenting website, people who almost by definition are interested and loving parents have been targeted in this way.

I remember my HV asking when DS was newborn if the laptop was on the table so I could "play games on it". No it was there because he was BF and I wanted some decent advice this time.

HV's can be just as bad, in my experience, and are basically SW in disguise (or so some of them like to think)

I had one tell me when I was % ms pregnant - "Oh, you do know if you show any signs of depression after the birth they will take the baby away, dont you?"
Well, that was helpful.
And another told me that "not vaccinating your child is a social services issue"
No it bloody isnt. The MMR is very controversial and what I chose to put in my child is my damn choice, and not requiered by law either. Incidentally, I had vaccinated my DC.

Sorry that should read 5 months pregnant, not sure what went wrong there!

She said what nullius!? That is disgusting way to go to make sure PND is not treated. Untreated PND is more harmful to the mother and child than treated PND. What she said is against every guideline I know.

I don't see either why Baby P and Victoria Climbie are brought into these discussions with people saying "damned if they do, damned if they don't" and consider innocent families as collateral damage.

Baby P's 'mum' is quoted as saying she was a damn good mother, and her boyfriend was the man of her dreams

so, if someone says to the SW oh i am a damn good mum, does that mean they should say oh ok, we'll take your word for it then. I would suggest they investigate and investigate and investigate until every stone is unturned. Then if nothing untoward is found, all well and good. If not, things in that family have to be addressed.

I vaccinated DD and DS. DS has always been autistic but he was so desperately ill after MMR and his digestive system so fucked up since that I'm stalling his pre-school "booster" (which isn't really a booster)

at what you were told about depression nullius!

The thing is jojo and what people are trying to say is even when the do all the investigating and find nothing untoward the parents are still made to feel like shit and left living on their nerves for the rest of their lives.

jojo, Baby P's Mum is quoted as saying that the "man of her dreams" was not her boyfriend, not living there and not a risk. The video was shown on a documentary word for word.

That's the sort of thing which could have been checked and for her to bring him up in conversation should have sent alarm bells ringing. Given the history of the family and the injuries. Don't forget, we don't know about Peter's sisters only that "someone" was convicted for raping one and the mother for knowing about it and saying nothing.

Doesn't sound like your average MNer to me yet so many of us have been terrorised. Why?

Yes ninx and xstitch, thinking back now its shocking. The patronising sorrowfull tone didnt help either.
At the time, it made me very paranoid for most of my pregnancy not to "look depressed". But after I thought, no actually, what if I feel a bit down and I dont get help, I may lose my bond with my baby. Luckily I didnt get PND, but if I had and those words had been rattling around in my head.......

I should say though, luckily I did have one midwife during pregnancy who was very very good, and didnt fill my head with dangerous non-sensical ideas.

Baby P's family were"investigated and investigated until every stone was unturned". The reports into what happened say that there were massive failings on the part of social services and that is why so many people involved in the case were sacked. They were incompetent.

What on earth has that to do with any of us? How will investigating happy healthy families at vast monetary expense and vast expense to the families involved in terms of potentially ruining the very security of family life that SW are supposed to protect, stop things like Baby P happening?

Not to mention failings on the parts of the other services that Baby P came into contact with. He was let down by a range of professionals, when there were very clear warning signs (living in squalor etc). How will investigating people to the nth degree and destroying their peace of mind when they have been subject to an unwarranted report help anything?

SardineQueen the case-reviews are shocking reading, I agree.

There are many actual crimes that the police will not even bother to turn up for let alone investigate or follow up OR finally prosecute.

We have a justice system in this country and while it has failings I agree with it on the whole. Innocent until proven guilty and everything accountable and as transparent as possible.

Then there are SS procedures and the family court system

Family court system is a disaster. Whatever actually goes on in there, the secretive nature of it and the cases that are reported simply mean that everyone is shit scared of them.

When I was reported the SW said she would contact the nursery and my GP and I should let them know that this was going to happen. So I had to have these utterly excrutiating conversations with both of them. In the end she never bothered to contact them. So I could have been spared that, and the nursery and GP need not have known. Then maybe I would be able to relax in those environments. Another reason to be really pissed off.

Interestingly the nursery manager (has worked with children for 30 years) absolutely hated SS. She said that they always seemed to pick out the "nice" people and go on at them, as they were easy to boss around. While the cases that she had seen in her career where there were obviously genuine problems, SS had been as effective as a chocolate teapot and largely left them alone. Make of that what you will.

I van believe they made you miss the funeral .I was told there was going to be at risk meeting but a proffesional meeting first and I must be there .even though had holiday booked

I cancelled my holiday guess what at the proffesionals meeting they decided after speaking to health care proffesionals that knewy son that was no risk at all passed to the disabled vhildrens team who still made my life hell because of the no smoke without fire

it's only recentley now we have full dx do they leave us alone lol probably scared now. That I might want something truth I will never ask for anything and will forever watch myself

I am horrified by some of the anecdotes on here.I think MNers need to think long and hard before they glibly advise people to phone SS over matters which are more lapses in parenting than abuse.
On the other side of teh coin I can see that SW is an almost impossible job.How can you possibly spend a few minutes in a house and come to decision as to whether the children are safe or not.
I don't know why 'a squalid house' is considered yto be an indicator of abuse.How does cleaning windows and hoovering carpets three times a day contribute to child welfare?

I left MN but I am still an occasional lurker and so I found this thread this morning.
Forgive me I have not read it in its entirety but my heart goes out to all the others here and out in the country who have had their and their families lives blighted by false malicious allegations that were believed by incompetent SS workers.*
(yes I know their are good ss workers too!)
My heart goes out in particular to xstitch whose story greatly upset me but in not one detail surprised me. Xstitch if I were you I would move as far away as possible from the X and his family, it is the only practical way to curb their malicious activities.
I have wrote on MN about what happened to my family when my DH's ex made false malicious allegations to SS about DH.
The allegations split the family, we didnt see DSS for months. DSS and DS who are half siblings where split also. DSS was coached by the ex to lie to police and SS. Two sets of SS were involved. Two sets of police. There were over 8 court hearings. At the end of which everything in terms of parenting time and residence order was reinstated as it was. An official stage 2 complaint agaisnt SS was upheld, what ever the fuck that means- "err yep we buggered up big time, procedurelly and factually, but hey we had a duty to investigate alls well thats ends well. Next case....." I still cant work out what complaint upheld means...There's been no sorry, no what can we do to put things right. What can we do to prevent this happening again. We are roadkill from the duty to investigate, arse covering modus operandi of some social work departments.

Everything back to "normal" hey. Well no things will never be back to normal again.
DSS is changed child, who knows long term the effect of what they have gone through will be.
I was off work for 6 months with stress. I am now back at work but I am not at all well. Every bump, every incident involing the DC's causes huge paranoia. I have taken to compulsive buying of clothes and shoes for the DC's. The have massive wardrobes with items of clothes for every occasion or eventuality. I feel in a fish bowl all the time. I know I am not well but I feel I just have to keep going as I cannot take anymore time off. My relationship with my DSS has been badly damaged. We used to be very close. Now the trust has been broken. I feel detached, confused and fearful.
DH was off sick for nearly 6 months too. His relationship with his DS has been broken too, he too is confused, fearful and on guard.
Our youngest has been the least effected thus far.
A grenade was thrown into our family life by DH's malicious ex who wanted to cut us uf from DSD as she had a new partner who could be a "new daddy" for DSS.
She wanted to shatter the close bonds of love of trust DSS had with us in general but particularly the once tremendously strong bond DSS had with DH. She was always jealous of the close relationship they had.
To a large extent she has succeeded though not completely, the old shared residence order was upheld and the parenting time went back to what it was.

I suppose there is still some hope.
We are both now very paranoid, untrusting generally and particularly untrusting of authority.
We would like to emigrate, draw a line under everything and start again. I suspect no mater where we are things will never be as they were again. I thinks that's gone now.

Sounds like you have been through it too elenor. Sadly I cannot move as XH has a court order against me. The only way I can move is to had dd over to XH and his family after which I would never see her again.

You have to be a criminal to have rights in this country. Ironic isn't it? I would have rights if I had been guilty but not seeing as I am innocent.

The story about the funeral disgusts me. It smacks of punishment before the investigation is carried out. If investigations could wait a week to be started then surely the child is not considered to be in immediate, serious danger so what difference would 1 day make. One of the SW on here said they were not judge and jury but that incident sure does sound like. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty, obviously an open mind has to be kept during an investigations but that works both ways and not automatically assume guilt and punish accordingly before the investigation has even properly started.