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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not believe she's had a mc????

108 replies

ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2011 18:27

Some folk will be aware of back story. bit of it here

Anyway - DB phoned last week to say that his DP had had a mc. We were all at a family do this weekend - they were there too, staying overnight. All day Saturday she seemed fine, just her usual self. In the evening (just when the party was getting started and DB was starting to enjoy him self) she said she wasn't feeling well and they went back to their room. I went up to check on how she was (having had 3 mcs myself I know how bad things can be). She says she's got cramps and is bleeding heavily. I ask if she needs anything - does she need pads? She says she only has one left - but she'll be ok (??), I offer her some paracetemol, she says she's on codeine. I explain to DB that folk want to see him and offer to stay with his DP if he wants to go down to rejoin party. His DP then says shes fine and she'll come down. So they rejoin party and are up til wee small hours with us.

SO - why don't I believe her?

Who on earth comes away for the night, miscarrying and only brings 1 pad? Who on earth comes to an all day/night event when miscarrying in a light peach dress? When I was mcing I spent most of my time in the toilet and went through loads of pads etc - She hardly ever visited toilet and seemed to cope with the one pad she had. She was in early preg - about 7 weeks, yet told my Mum that when she'd mced she'd seen the baby with cord etc?? The preg came at a very convenient time for her and she told my Mum that now she'd mced she'd be able to get drunk and enjoy herself (??)

I just don't believe she was ever pregnant.
Would IBU to ask DB more?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 18/04/2011 18:30

YABU

None of your business really is it?

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2011 18:30

Well it is when she's making my brother's life hell and involving us all in her dramas.......

OP posts:
K999 · 18/04/2011 18:31

Even if she wasn't pregnant it's none of your business really....

JaneS · 18/04/2011 18:32

'Would IBU to ask DB more?'

And you think she is 'involving us all in her dramas'?

Hmm

Find a hobby.

K999 · 18/04/2011 18:32

I'm sure your brother is a big boy and can handle his relationship in whatever way he sees fit, no?

travellingwilbury · 18/04/2011 18:34

My third eye may be working overtime but you don't sound very keen on her anyway .

worraliberty · 18/04/2011 18:34

I've just clicked the link and read your other thread.

I really can't believe what a nose poke you are.

You're not your DB's Mother...sorry but you do need to get over yourself. There's a big difference between concern and judgement Hmm

ViolaTricolor · 18/04/2011 18:34

It's none of your business. Quizzing your brother with a view to getting to the bottom of it is not supportive, whatever's going on. Just ask how they are if you want to show you care.

renlovesyou · 18/04/2011 18:35

You are being cruel and unreasonable. Dont judge others because their experience was not the same as yours. Your way is not the only way.

Bohica · 18/04/2011 18:35

You DB will not appreciate you getting involved. And if she had mc'd last week she would only be having light bleeding now wouldn't she?

marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 18:35

I hope it's not true and that she is not reading this...

Happymm · 18/04/2011 18:35

Difficult one. I mc'd at 11weeks and didn't see cord and baby, though was so distraught didn't really look-and was at a fucking soft play centre too, so not great timing! We all deal with things differently I guess so not sure I can judge someone else's bereavement coping skills. I couldn't have partied-not for a very long time, but hey ho. Not sure anyone on here can judge someone they don't know-but am sure someone will come along soon and disprove that theory:o

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 18/04/2011 18:36

No- not really. This is not meant to be AIBU by stealth, but there is a long backstory here about her relationship with my DB and accusations she's made about abuse/his mental health issues etc. He's not really in a good place to be objective about her.

Is it really unreasonable to worry about her lying to my DB about pregnancy/mc?

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 18/04/2011 18:36

Who knows?

But this: " I explain to DB that folk want to see him" is a bit off. Why would you try to get him to go back to a party to mingle while his gf is having a mc?

And yes, she may well be lying but you dont know and certainly didnt at that point.

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 18:36

You don't sound like a very nice person

Get a fucking life

crappymummum · 18/04/2011 18:36

maybe she had an abortion? not really your business though

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 18:37

I was thinking she may have had a termination too, but didn't want to plant that idea in your nasty little mind

worraliberty · 18/04/2011 18:38

I think it's unreasonable to sit around public chat forums with nothing better to chat about than other people's lives/problems.

Why don't you tell us all your business for a change instead of theirs?

ILoveYouToo · 18/04/2011 18:38

YABVU to make such a massive assumption based on so little actual information. Hmm

ViolaTricolor · 18/04/2011 18:38

Ditto what EggyFucker said.

GoodnightNobody · 18/04/2011 18:38

I've had mcs.

The first baby I lost was early, 8 weeks according to scan. I had very light bleeding, no pain.

The loss was as devastating to me as my second which was very painful, very messy and physically traumatic.

YABVU.

Have a charitable heart. It really is non of your business no matter what other personal issues you have with her.

jojowest · 18/04/2011 18:38

if i was have a miscarriage, and OHs sister said oh leave her, people want to see you at the party, i dont think i would be best pleased

renlovesyou · 18/04/2011 18:39

I wouldnt go fucking near you if I were her. No wonder she went back downstairs if the only other option was dealing with an evening with you interrogating her.

throckenholt · 18/04/2011 18:41

Not much you can do regardless of what the truth is. Just let your brother know you are there if and when he wants a shoulder. I think you mentioned you are twins so he probably knows that - but no harm in reminding him.

If your suspicions are right she probably needs more help mentally than your brother.

SpotsMumSally · 18/04/2011 18:41

You are being unreasonable to get so involved, I would distance yourself from the situation.

People that tell a lot of lies and cause drama are often found out for what they are. Just let events play out themselves, you'll only look bad if you voice your concerns to anyone else.

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