Going out of my mind-So scared of flying that going to miss booked holiday on Tuesday

[kangers]

Don't think I can even go to airport. Three DC and DH will be devastated. I am so mad with myself. Have tried diazepam and sedatives, but not cutting it. Not sure about source of fear but I just can't face it- whole thing- check in, boarding, taking off, being up there and trapped in that little seat. Kids will take piss which makes me worse. Youngest will be saying 'what is keeping us up' as he has not flown recently. Just in turmoil. Going with friends too so making me even worse. Any PLEASE???

Kangers - I know exactly how you feel! About 10 years ago I refused to go on a holiday hours before we were due to leave, we lost all the money and DH still gets annoyed if we talk about it today . I tried taking pills to calm me down but actually I found out that I was worse with the pills (some weird logic about thinking if the plane actually did go down I wanted to be first out the door and with a clear head!)

Since then I have moved overseas and fly all the time. My brother is a pilot and he once took a flight with me and explained every single little noise. It really helped. I can't say that I am not still a little jumpy :) but I am soooo much better now. I listen to music or watch a film on my laptop and just generally tune out. Planes are made to be in the air....so it is all good :) Enjoy your holiday....:)

Am really glad you are going to go now!

That's brilliant...and you will be just FINE!

Enjoy your trip...and don't forget those treats!

Something to read (a new magazine or a book) always helps to pass the time. You will get to spain before you even know it.

Well done you!

Some great advice here. I'm going to Turkey in May and have an overwhelming fear that if something happened to my kids it would be all my fault for being so careless as to take them on a plane.!

I particularly like sausageandmarmalades list of reassurances and am going to print them off and take them with me

Tell the stewardess you are a nervous flyer. They are brilliant and really helped me. Also, sit where you can see them during take off so you can see that they are perfectly relaxed about all the noises that are making you want to vomit with fear.

My husband is a captain for Ryanair. He flies 5 days a week, sometimes four times a day. He is a great pilot. He does this as a job, we have one child and one on the way.
I wouldn't let him do his job if I thought the job was unsafe.
Ryanair planes are super new and great to fly apparently.
My husband has even flown my DS on his plane.
Order a hypno CD from Amazon and listen on your Ipod or similar.
please don't pass this fear onto your children.

thanks polskiprincess.
My posts sound very self absorbed. Willaim to stop worrying about myself so much- very narcisscistic. (bet thats spelt wrong) If it can't be tackled this time I may do fey and train as grovel suggests.

Thanks Virginia...

Have a flight myself coming up and am going to print off all the positive comments on here. Don't like flying (as I said earlier) but would really miss out if I get my anxiety get the better of me.

i too am a nervous flyer,but i would rather have a quick flight than hours stuck on a coach.My trick is that i watch the air hostesses all the time and if they are calmly going about their tasks then i am fine!

I also watch the flight crew as they go about their work and see how relaxed they look and how their expression doesn't change when the plane bumps. I found a 'fear of flying' book very useful as it explained how the plane actually stays in the air and how even if the engines stopped it would not just drop out of the sky. This book also had hints on how to control your breathing. When you get nervous you tend to breath shallow and fast from your chest. Put your handds on your stomach and ensure you are breathing from there (feel it movong up and down). This also gives you something to concentrate on.
I also have conversations with myself throughout the flight along the lines of: there is nothing I can do about any of it anyway so I might as well take advantage of a couple of hours to read my book etc.
I also have to admit to thinking that at least I'm with my whole family and we will all go together (not very helpful though).
In the old days when you were allowed in the cockpit I explained my fear to the stewardess and was invited to sit with the pilot for a bit. I was totally relaxed for the rest of the 13 hour flight after that.

Life experiences would be incredibly restricted for you if you give in to this. A couple of uneasy hours with sweaty hands and a constant sick feeling are worth a good family holiday.
Go for it!

I do think you're being a bit silly kangers. Hopefully you can goon hols though

Kangers
I used to have to fly a lot with work and never had a problem then had an aborted landing at Gibraltar which was really scary - the first announcement the pilot made after we were back in the sky was " can I check all cabin crew are safe and well?" we then diverted to Spain. Now I haven't told you that to scare you but to explain how I developed a fear of flying.
Problem was I had to fly with work monthly all over the world to some pretty dangerous places, mostly miltary pilots so should have felt extra safe but used to strap myself into my seat and not move for whole flight.
I then had a flight on an American military cargo plane, 8 hours in not very glamorous surroundings. The "cabin crew" is one person. He guessed something was wrong and came for a chat. Made me take a guided tour even to the ramp that drops down at the back. He then made me go and see the pilots, I really didn't want to as there was loads of turbulence.
So I went in the end and what did I see, 2 chilled out pilots chatting to my colleagues as the plane was on autopilot, not a cloud in the sky and nothing they needed to do. Once I saw how non plussed they were about the turbulence I realized I just had to relax and trust the professionals to do their job! It's a shame you are no longer allowed on the flight deck on civilian flights as it made a huge difference to controlling my feelings.
Hope you make your holiday!

shxxxing myself again now.

Was offered to go into cockpit on a flight from Skiathos (when we had to land at Thessalonika to refuel) but I REFUSED as I did not want to put anyone out.

I felt strrong most of today but have just told DH I cant do it.

I feel such a fecking idiot but just really panicked and scared. I don't want to let everyone down including DC and friends, but can't seem to put their happiness before my irrational terror.

Will be so angry and miserable if I stay, but having a real battle here.

Comments from happywheezy and Mrs Snaplegs v good- so many posters have helped.
And herecomesthesun is so right I am being fecking ridiculous but I am like fozen with fear, dread, panic, terror, nausea etc. AAAaaarrrggghhh :(

YOU CAN DO THIS KANGERS!!!

Imagine how proud you will be when you arrive. You will be over the moon. You may cry in happiness and relief. You will have a lovely celebratory meal because of your massive achievement.

And for the rest of your life you will remember THAT feeling of pride, not the fear itself.

Fried egg you make it sound like childbirth and it only a fecking 2 and a bit hour flight to Alicante. I bet the odds on death in chilbirth are worse- anyone know?
Fuck it fuck it fuck I am so annoying.

No, don't say that. It's not your fault you're scared.

I always tell myself that real bravery is not about 'not being scared' - it's about being scared of something but still managing to do it. And you can.

thanks fried egg- I just think I am a foupid.ol. In some ways its about more than just the fear- its about everything, the kids doing my head in, dfh making a million phone calls and being stupid. Think this may be symptomatic of some deeper issues that need resolving. They are all out now a BBQ- couldn't go as I feel sick and st

That should have read- 'I am a fool' and ' feel sick and stupid'.

Kangers, I know it's not ideal, but why can't you drive to the holiday destination? Maximum Southern Spain will take 3 days and you can stop off along the way for leisurely meals, pop some good audio books in the CD player... No one says you HAVE to get on a plane - it's not mandatory.

Apparently phobias are caused by the mismatch in your head caused by your raging emotions and the rational side of your brain knowing it's stupid. That's why you get upset.

Figuring out under what conditions you'd be prepared to fly might be a small step towards helping yourself. Don't put rational thoughts on it - let your brain dictate under what circumstances it would be okay to fly.

I know phobias really well and have tried all sorts for them: CBT, hypnotherapy, pills, IV sedation, having someone talk to me all the way through whatever is happening, having someone talk to me incessantly about the weather etc and hiding whatever is going on.... Not much really helps and I've often ended up passed out somewhere really embarrassingly public. They way I dealt with it is just avoiding wherever possible. And strangely once I didn't HAVE to do it, it wasn't such a big deal. I recommend the road trip this time and then hopefully you can use some of the time in the car to figure out what freaks you out so much.

I really hope you can get yourself together and get on the plane tomorrow Kangers.

I don't have any phobias so don't know how you feel, but if you can just sit tight on the plane for a couple of hours you'll feel so proud of yourself.

Good luck and hope you have a fab holiday.

Thanks northerngirl41. I do usually drive- all rest of family hate it. I suggested flying and am stuck. Going tomorrow am for 1 week- a bit late now to decide to drive- plus can't afford extra expense.

OP, I really feel for you, I do. I HATE flying, it terrifies me. I used to be an air stewardess too in the early nineties. I look back now and wonder how I did it!

Since then I have tried a few things - getting drunk, beta blockers, valium and more recently some kind of touch therapy.

I had a bad experience with the valium travelling back from New York in that I didn't feel like they were kicking in so took an extra one. By the time I landed it had well and truly took hold and to cut a LONG story short I was greeted at the other end by armed police!!! (drugs misuse has been reported by staff!!!)
The best thing for me is wine and lots of it. I took a flight to Barcelona a couple of years ago and was absolutely smashed at 8am in the morning.

You have to find out what works for you but you musn't let the fear take over your life.

Oh bummer! If it was 2 weeks, you might have been able to... Well have a think tonight (in a calm controlled manner, if poss) about what might make you feel better.

Glass of wine? Someone explaining things? Not waiting for long in the airport (I always seem to have loads of sitting around)? Or not being rushed? Sitting on your own or with people? There's loads of Bach remedies you can get for fears plus all the usual St Johns Wort, Belladonna, etc. (didn't work for me, but worth a try!). My mother swears by rescue remedy. Also distractions like books, ipod, sucking sweets, water. Try and put as many in place as possible.

CBT to stave off panic attacks usually consists of trying to connect yourself to what's going on. So if you feel yourself getting panicky, ask yourself what colour is this carpet, what can I smell, what does this seat feel like, can I hear someone talking, how many rows are there here? It's about connecting yourself with your surroundings and not drowning in your sea of thoughts. Sometimes that helps.

oh dear. so sad to read these stories of angst. i used to be like this. it gradually faded as i educated myself about flights and flying, warts and all. i am not concerned at all nowadays, i recognise the sounds, the procedures, what keeps the plane up. i educated myself. and like someone said up thread, think of the cabin crew. they do it day in day out, they do an emergency procedure training days every few months and are well drilled. planes are built to fly and most planes fly 18 hours a day, 365 days a year, without incident. many pilots go through an entire 30 year career without an incident even as serious (which isnt necessarily problematic) as an engine failure.

one of my good friends flies 250,000 miles a year with an airline they work for. safety of passengers is in these people's minds, fear of crashing certainly isn't.
you can get over your fears - relax and try and get the irrational thoughts out of your head. And yes, enjoy a G&T on the plane, your there to relax and have a good time, its your holiday!

you have my sympathies....nothing is worse than a phobia...;-(( bizarely I got out of my fear of flying by checking out plane crash stats... there are soooooo few and these are generally Russian or Chinese planes (which are really old and badly maintained) This reassured me lots and fly regularly with no real issues.. - also, have Soduku handy for when you feel anxiety kicking in..it helps take your mind off the flight...

Take a tablet tonight when you go to bed - it will calm you down. I have had to do that the night before a flight.

I managed to fly last week so you can do this!!