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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Going out of my mind-So scared of flying that going to miss booked holiday on Tuesday

177 replies

kangers · 17/04/2011 21:48

Don't think I can even go to airport. Three DC and DH will be devastated. I am so mad with myself. Have tried diazepam and sedatives, but not cutting it. Not sure about source of fear but I just can't face it- whole thing- check in, boarding, taking off, being up there and trapped in that little seat. Kids will take piss which makes me worse. Youngest will be saying 'what is keeping us up' as he has not flown recently. Just in turmoil. Going with friends too so making me even worse. Any PLEASE???

OP posts:
CestTout · 17/04/2011 23:21

Kangers, you will be fine. I used to be exactly like you with identical worries, I now fly every 6/8 weeks. I would personally recommend sitting alone. When with friends I find I voice my fears and speculate too much which results in a dose of hysteria. On my own I seem to remain "in control" a bit more. Wishing you lots of luck and a lovely holiday.

tulpe · 17/04/2011 23:25

Another vote for hypnotherapy. I have a crippling fear of heights but I also love skiing. My fear was so bad that I either refused to go on chairlifts or would cry from start to finish. I had 1 hypnotherapy session and was sorted. I still get nervous sometimes - especially if DS2 is with me but I use a technique to bring my hysteria down and feel instantly calmer. I even managed to do several chairlifts entirely alone this year and be calm enough to enjoy the view :)

Being afraid of flying does not make you weird. It is logical because it is something you don't do everyday. Ensure DH is taking care of DCs and focus on yourself. Although I sometimes find reading to DC can take my mind away from my fears.

glitteryturd · 17/04/2011 23:30

I have flown at least 50 times, even to places like Bahrain, Africa and India. The thing that scared me the most was there was no loo roll in the toilet at the Indian airport!!!

I used to be scared and I didn't fly for a good 5 years, then booked a holiday and the day we flew about 9 years ago it was when there was a really scary threat and going into the airport there were police with guns watching everyone. I was proper scared and had a mini panic attack before I got on the flight. Then after taking off I was fine. Been fine since.

I was on a flight about 5 years ago when a passenger became violent and mid-flight started attacking people with a stick. At least 20 people piled on top on the guy and his mate and before I knew what was going on, they were strapped to a seat lol. So stuff does happen like this but nowadays people are too ready to step in.

I am actually jealous you have a holiday booked. You don't know just how lucky you are. My family are desperate for a holiday and after I lost my income we had to cancel ours so I feel very, very sad your holiday may be going to waste :(

flyingspaghettimonster · 17/04/2011 23:34

I am shit-scared of flying after an emergency landing when I was younger. Turbulence reduces me to a crying wreck and take offs are horrible... landing is better as I know every foot lower is closer to solid ground...

Here's what I do to get through a flight - because let's face it, we all have to get through flights sometimes (I live in the USA - I have to survive flying to the UK alone with three young kids this summer... Spain seems a dream by comparison!)

I remind myself after I sit in my seat that everything from here on in is out of my hands. I repeat like a mantra in my head 'nothing I do now will change anything. It's out of my hands.' I remind myself that the wings are a solid piece running through the plane so cannot snap off. I remind myself that even huge planes can glide without engines. But mostly I just repeat my mantra, because it really does help. The whole fear of flying is partly that you can't see what is going on in the cockpit and have to put your faith in the pilot. Well, the pilot doesn't want to crash anymore than you do... just keep telling yourself to let go of the control issue, and you'll get through it.

If you don't go, YABU. Take sedatives and sit away from your kids so they don't 'catch' your fear. You'll be fine :-)

kangers · 17/04/2011 23:35

glittery- I could easily let you take my place if I let this thing beat me. I have been on Fear or Flying websites and feel a bit better reading that stuff and watching videos of take off's. Not bothered about the landing bit. Will try to be brave, will drink a little and focus on the holiday and 'everydayness' of it- and I will tell the staff that I am a pillocky scared flier. Will buy book at airport and get bachs remedy.
Thanks all again

OP posts:
kangers · 17/04/2011 23:37

wo flying spaghetti- good advice also.
Am going to be brave.
xx

OP posts:
glitteryturd · 17/04/2011 23:41

Here is a good tip. Buy a stupidly expensive item in duty free on the way out...then the worry of spending so much money on a bit of tat will out weigh any fear you have!!! Godd luck!

p.s. we couldn't take your holiday anyway, my husband has 2 lawns to mow!!

ILoveTheSunToo · 17/04/2011 23:42

YANBU kanger we all have fears. Just remember to breathe. As soon as you notice your breathing becoming more shallow as if you are about to start hyperventilating then take deeper breaths all the way to the bottom of your lungs. If you have an iPhone/pod it will be worth downloading a meditation or relaxation podcast as a distraction. Also holding something concrete which reminds you of safety or calmness like a special piece of Jewellery so that you can channel all of your attention to that rather than on worrying thoughts. When you get back try CBT fir anxiety and phobias, recommended by NICE

Focus on your hols and have a great time!

AmyStake · 18/04/2011 07:29

I'm in exactly the same boat. Got two flights to catch in May, a 2hr to Paris then a 10hr to flight to Johannesburg. Sounds stupid but I'm slightly more relaxed over the thought that we'll be flying over land, not sea. Except for Paris.

I read that planes are not allowed to be more than 2 hours away from an airport, that's why when you fly to America you have to fly up and across Iceland and Greenland then down Canada to America.

Also keep in mind that a plane like a Boeing 737-800 (which is what Easyjet and budget airlines use) costs about $80MILLION. Trust me they are going to do everything to keep the plane in absolute tip top condition. Smile

sausagesandmarmelade · 18/04/2011 07:33

I don't like flying....especially take off...but I can't let my anxiety over it stop me from going abroad. That would be a shame...and I would really miss out.

I really hope that you can find a way (or some techniques) of dealing with your anxiety...so that you can make the trip.

Forget about terrorism...that can happen anywhere. They say flying is one of the safest forms of travel and spain is a relatively short trip.

sausagesandmarmelade · 18/04/2011 07:39

I would print off all of the positive/helpful comments to word...and read them over and over again...take them with you.

Have you tried any of the natural remedies?

Have a plan for each stage of the journey...maybe a treat for every half hour. The journey will fly by..

You CAN do it!

sausagesandmarmelade · 18/04/2011 07:46

Look what I found...might copy and print this for meself (as I have a flight coming up!).

  1. Turbulence may feel uncomfortable, but it is normal.
People often misunderstand turbulence. When encountering turbulence, nervous passengers feel the plane is "falling" out of the sky. It is natural for them to only feel the "down" bumps. But for every "down" there is an "up" bump. The "downs" are just more easily noticed. Next time you are driving on a bumpy road, imagine you are a passenger on a plane and how you would consider it to be "bad" turbulence. Now take a look at the road. How big are the bumps on the roadway to create the rough ride? The air is usually very smooth. But sometimes some small ripples can make it feel like "bad" turbulence!
  1. The plane is strong, stable, reliable, and well maintained.
The FAA mandates that modern jet aircraft are designed and built with large safety margins. All aircraft and their equipment are built from FAA approved designs and manufactured under FAA approved systems. Coming out of the factory, the planes are thoroughly flight tested before certification by the FAA. Structurally, these aircraft can withstand many times the stresses and forces which can be imposed upon them in flight. Remember, airplanes are MEANT to be in the air. That?s where they?re happiest!
  1. Trust the well trained and experienced crew.
When you board the plane mention to the flight attendants that sometimes you get a little nervous about flying, and ask if you may visit with the pilots. This is very important! The pilots are happy to have visitors, the flight attendants know this. You might be surprised at how receptive the pilots will be. Ask questions and mention your nervousness, they will understand and reassure you. The pilot's confidence is contagious. Now you have a friend up front who knows and cares about you! But remember, visits to the cockpit can ONLY be made on the ground, not during taxi or in flight. From FAA Personnel, to Air Traffic Controllers, to Aircraft Mechanics, to the Flight Crew, there is no industry in the world with better trained, tested, skilled, and motivated professionals than the people in the airline industry.
  1. Trust the airline industry.
The FAA insures your safe and secure flying experience by monitoring, inspecting, drug testing, and certifying the people who work in safety related areas of aviation. Aviation is "black and white". There are no "maybes". Either it is 100% safe, or we don't do it. You may have heard the saying, "Safety is no accident". Each worker takes pride in his or her own work and keeps an eye on others. Because we understand the importance of our work on the safety of others, we will not tolerate anything less than perfection!
  1. Flying is routine, here's proof.
Many people take comfort in going to the local airport to watch all the planes takeoff and land. After a while you begin to see that the flight operations are indeed routine. Others like to study the ARRIVAL and DEPARTURE monitors in the airport terminal to see just how many flights operate safely. Did you know that worldwide nearly 3 million passengers fly every day?
  1. Positive Thinking.
Always try to keep your thoughts in the present. Keep your thoughts positive. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, stop, and concentrate on the positive. Many people dwell on what might happen instead of what is happening. It can be easy to play a "disaster movie" in your mind and you are the in the starring role! When you catch yourself starting the production of one of these imaginary "disaster movies" turn off the projector. Try to occupy your mind with something more constructive. Read, do a puzzle, strike up a conversation.
  1. Tense Your Muscles.
Be aware of your body. When you feel muscles that are tense or tight, you can relax them. Instead of fighting the tightness, show your muscles whose boss! You tense your muscles! You take control! Go ahead and tighten your stomach muscles or your leg muscles. Then pause and let go. You will be surprised at how your muscles feel warm and relaxed, and you once again feel in control.
  1. Overactive Imagination.
Quite often people who have a fear of flying also have a strong or overactive imagination. For example, they might hear an unfamiliar noise during the flight, and begin imagining what might be wrong with the plane to cause this noise. Or, they may believe in "signs" or "premonitions" that their plane will crash. For example, they might have a dream, or hear a song on the radio about a plane crash. Odds are, you are not psychic! Remind yourself of this fact, and focus on reality.
  1. How to deal with nervous feelings.
When you feel afraid, your breathing quickens and your heart races. To calm yourself, first push your stomach outward. Take a slow, deep breath through your nose. Try to fill your lungs from the bottom up. Pause, and then exhale slowly. Do this a couple of times and you'll feel much better. Practice your controlled breathing whenever you can. Try it whenever you feel tense. Slow, deep breathing is the easiest and most effective method for calming yourself.
  1. Even if you feel panicky, it cannot hurt you or cause you to lose control. Remember that fear is a normal reaction to a perceived threat. Once you learn the threat really isn't dangerous, the fear naturally goes away. Fear itself is not harmful, it is meant to protect us. A panic attack will not make you have a heart attack, faint, or lose control. That is how we are programmed. Fear acts as our defense mechanism. It prepares us to fight or flee.
Canella · 18/04/2011 07:47

I'm also a nervous flier but still go when needs must! But a great peace of advice someone gave me is to watch the faces of the cabin crew. I get most panicky during turbulance but someone said if you look at the cabin crew during it they are just getting on with their job - they dont even look slightly worried!
Hope it goes ok for you and you have a great holiday.

QuintEggSentialPaints · 18/04/2011 07:48

The only thing you CAN control on an airplane, is your own fear. So if control is an issue, take on this challenge and controle yourself.

I was petrified of flying, and having to fly a few times a year, I just had to control myself and get on with it.

I suggest you do the same.

Dont go nourish your own hysteria now by getting yourself into a frenzy about it. Dont focus so much on the flying, but the actual holiday with your family and friends. Focus on your destination, not your means of transport.

And if the plane really do crash, it will be a swift and easy death, with your family and friends there too. So at least they wont be devastated at your passing.

kangers · 18/04/2011 12:52

Went to Docs this morning and have now got betablockers, which I can take with diazepam (valium), and she can't recommend drink too, but said it wouldn't hurt me.
The comments and ideas here are very helpful- will write out lots of ideas and hints as printer is broken.
Feeling much stronger this morning.
thanks, thanks, thanks.

OP posts:
diabolo · 18/04/2011 13:38

Kangers - I have to take Betablockers and Diazepam too (I get really claustrophobic and knowing I can't get out for however many hours makes me panic), but....

last year the combination worked really well. The Beta Blockers physically prevent you from having a panic attack and the Diazepam means you don't feel panicky anyway.

Just don't drink alcohol or take codeine based pain killers for 24 hours.

Hammy02 · 18/04/2011 13:41

If you don't go, will your DH & DC's still go?

PPT · 18/04/2011 13:52

Kangers my DH is a plane-driver. In my mind, all pilots are fabulous and exceptionally cautious. They've got wives/husbands and DC to get home to...

Afraid that's my simple logic!

iwanttolearn · 18/04/2011 13:53

Hi OP; I am so glad I found this thread. I hate flying too and I have to do it frequently. My reasons are the same as yours? I have to fly between europe and Asia; 13 hour non stop flights sometimes? I cant stand it and I get worried weeks before I even see the plane. Reading this thread has made me feel a bit more reassured. I hope you will go on your trip. What I do to help with my nerves is I buy myself a treat for the plane. I love to read so I go and buy a lovely book or 2; along with some chocolate or something else I like to eat. Do you have a laptop or anything so you can put on some dvds or music to take your mind off the flight?

I am in France now and going to singapore in a week. i am worried; but as a consolation I have all of the lindt chocolate to choose from. :)

Sorry for the mistakes but I am typing on a french keyboard:

Jojocat · 18/04/2011 14:19

I think the diazepam would be a good idea but not sure if I'd risk drinking alcohol as well.

Take your Ipod with you with your favourite tunes on and listen to it particularly when taking off.

If you have the chance maybe you could get stuck into a sudoku or other puzzle to occupy your mind.

Think how euphoric you will feel when the plane lands safely in Spain. Coming back won't feel so bad as you will have taken a flight recently and will feel more relaxed.

I know how you feel as I used to love flying and travelled round the world alone then became completely phobic. Have not been on a plane since having children partly because we have not needed to go by plane for our chosen holidays. You are braver than me already!

kangers · 18/04/2011 14:22

Thanks ppt and iwanttolearn. I will go- the kids are sporting the ipod for me to distract me.
I am full of respect for people who have to do it for work.
I am determined to be calm on the plane, I am taking the betablockers and Kalms. I do feel calmer. I am going to spend at the airport. My stomch keeps luching, but I am much better as a result of this thread.

OP posts:
grovel · 18/04/2011 14:22

Overnight ferry from Portsmouth to Santander + train?

grovel · 18/04/2011 14:25

And if the plane really do crash, it will be a swift and easy death, with your family and friends there too. So at least they wont be devastated at your passing
Well, that's a relief!

polskiprincess · 18/04/2011 14:34

Hi Kangers, haven't read the whole thread so may be x posting - I am terrified of flying - my solution is to go to the front of the plane explain the situation to the air stewards and ask if I can sit with them,I find talking to them keeps me distracted and makes me feel safer as I can see them going about their jobs even through turbulence, you may even get the co-pilot come out to you, that happened to me coming back from eygypt last year and really helped.

By the end of the flight I was even able to watch and enjoy a thunderstorm and lightning show out of the window of the planeGrin

I hope you have a great holiday

polskiprincess · 18/04/2011 14:35

Egypt

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