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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU to think I shouldn't be told off by the police by daring to be a woman out alone after dark?

554 replies

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 09/04/2011 23:29

I was walking through a deserted cut-through at around 11pm, on my way home. I'd been shopping and to the gym, as evidenced by the bags I carried.

I happened across a pair of policemen on bikes, who saw fit to brake and tell me I 'should be careful walking by myself at this time of night'.

IABU to feel angry and offended by this?

OP posts:
Original poster
MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 09/04/2011 23:51

If there were muggings/attacks in the area I would expect them to stop people who looked like they may be a mugger/attacker. Perhaps I fit that description, but looking at myself I doubt it Grin

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/04/2011 23:51

I was just pulling your leg pjmama Smile

squeakytoy · 09/04/2011 23:55

I think you are taking a risk walking through a deserted area at that time of night to be honest. :(

pjmama · 09/04/2011 23:56

Ah! It's late and i've had wine! Wink

GypsyMoth · 09/04/2011 23:59

if anything had happened to you,you would be moaning that you had seen police and they hadnt said anything!!

police cant win....ever!

worraliberty · 10/04/2011 00:00

What makes you think police are only there to stop crime?

They are there to give advice too...which they did, except you seem to think they were telling you off Hmm

Merlotmonster · 10/04/2011 00:02

so if a friend said...'you should be careful' ..would you be offended?? Im sorry, but i cant see how this would make someone angry??

Original poster
MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 10/04/2011 00:02

That would be fine had I asked for advice :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 10/04/2011 00:03

OK Merlotmonster. I would not be offended but I would ask that friend - why? Just like if I'd had a chance to speak to this officer I'd have asked the same.

Why do I need to be careful - I'm not doing anything wrong.

OP posts:
carriedababi · 10/04/2011 00:04

i can see why you feel pissed off, you should feel safe to walk about whenever you like, whenever

but i would personally head t he warning, there could be a rapist about or something Sad

AgentZigzag · 10/04/2011 00:05

I should have winked or something pjmama

I hate the tax threads though, how anybody can get worked up enough to be heated I just don't know Grin

I used to walk home from a city centre in my yoof after kick out time and did have a close shave once, but normally anyone trying to attack me would have just had a face full of spew so wouldn't have been able to see me staggering off Grin

Merlotmonster · 10/04/2011 00:06

of course you are not doing anything wrong, but i feel they are being concerned for your safety rather than judging you for simply being there late at night.....mind you , if you felt that was the case, then fair enough to be annoyed... I would hope that they were just trying to be helpful in their advice.

squeakytoy · 10/04/2011 00:06

Why do I need to be careful - I'm not doing anything wrong

You are not doing anything wrong, but you are putting yourself in danger by walking in a deserted cut through, especially late at night, carrying bags too. It makes you a target for muggers and worse.

LDNmummy · 10/04/2011 00:06

YABU, they are probably know way more aware of the dangers of you walking in that particular spot when it is dark and thought to advise you. They probably wanted to hint at you to be more aware of your surroundings.

AgentZigzag · 10/04/2011 00:07

'I'm not doing anything wrong'

You weren't, but you can't say that about everyone else unfortunately.

Original poster
MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 10/04/2011 00:08

But I am not putting myself in danger - I am walking home. The only thing that would put me in danger is meeting a mugger/attacker/rapist and worse. Surely. And I could meet one of those anywhere at any time of day...

OP posts:
worraliberty · 10/04/2011 00:10

Oh you're on a wind up surely Hmm

You know damn well your weren't doing anything wrong and they were just worried about you walking home alone in the cut through.

They gave you advice and you're throwing a bit of a hissy (as well as pretending not to understand)

So you didn't ask for advice...since when should you have to ask for well meaning advice from our Police Force?

I think you're trying to turn this in to a feminist issue by stealth.

squeakytoy · 10/04/2011 00:11

You are more likely to meet one of those at 11pm than 11am though, and more likely to meet one in a deserted area.

Surely common sense must tell you that?

Merlotmonster · 10/04/2011 00:12

statistically you are right, but you are much braver than me ! I dont think i would take the risk, but if you are happy then fair enough...but do be careful out there Smile

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 00:12

police are there for crime prevention

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/04/2011 00:14

They may well know that the particular alley has been the site of recent attacks. That might have been why they were including it on their route.

Generally, I'd be bloody annoyed by the implication that I shouldn't be walking alone at 11pm because I'm female. In this case, the fact that they might know of a geographically specific risk would calm me down a bit.

Unless they were PCSOs. Then YANBU at all.

LDNmummy · 10/04/2011 00:14

MsScarlett there are situations where you are more vulnerable than others. Maybe as regular patrol policemen they are aware of someone or a group that is roaming that small area with bad intent.

Or maybe, being police personel in that area makes them a bit more weary as they know what really goes on there at that time of night generally.

Thats how I would have taken it.

Original poster
MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 10/04/2011 00:14

Well, I've always been cross by people saying I shouldn't do things, worraliberty, and especially that I shouldn't go somewhere or do something. So I've always just done it anyway, but I'm sure there are lot of people who could say the same. Not so much on the feminist-issue-by-stealth - in fact now I've had my wee rant about it I'm off to bed.

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/04/2011 00:15

Lone men are at a greater risk of being attacked than lone women.

togarama · 10/04/2011 00:19

Possibly YANBU - it depends on how it was said.

I wouldn't mind someone telling me to be careful in this situation in a way that would be taken as friendly advice. (Perhaps they know something about recent crime patterns in that area which you or I don't.)

I would definitely take exception to someone telling me to be careful in a way that implied that I shouldn't be out at all.

If it was the latter, I'd be pissed off too.

In general, I get really annoyed by crime prevention strategies that focus on frightening or restricting potential victims rather than rounding up and punishing / restricting offenders (e.g. rape-scenario posters on the public transport network urging women not to take unlicenced taxis in the UK where we have pathetic rape conviction rates). If there's some evidence somewhere that these kind of campaigns are actually hugely more effective than the alternatives, I'd love to see it.