IABU to think I shouldn't be told off by the police by daring to be a woman out alone after dark?

[MsScarlettInTheLibrary]

I was walking through a deserted cut-through at around 11pm, on my way home. I'd been shopping and to the gym, as evidenced by the bags I carried.

I happened across a pair of policemen on bikes, who saw fit to brake and tell me I 'should be careful walking by myself at this time of night'.

IABU to feel angry and offended by this?

So you're saying if anyone isn't 100% committed to feminism then they have no business posting on the feminist boards or having an opinion about why they don't want to post on them?

I find that an interesting perspective considering.

I've said I might be interested in talking about certain things relating to feminism but the image I've got of the feminist boards is a negative one, and you're trying to put me off posting by saying I should butt out instead of trying to draw an interested party in.

Why would you just want a debate only with people who are committed?

The way you post about it, to me, would just be exchanging one set of entrenched ideas on excluding certain people in society with another set.

Dittany... I don't know that it does have a basis in rape, but I think that both men and women can be oppressive to the opposite sex and to each other.

To me there is something oppressive - or perhaps inhibitive - about a woman (or a man) being aggressive and confrontational.

Haven't waded through the whole thread but from the info in the op my sympathies are with the OP.
Do the police go door to door 'warning' every woman to take care in her home - because that is by far the most dangerous place for any of us.
No they dont', or not as far as I'm aware. Why therefore should the level of risk in this scenario merit an intervention?

Are there really rapists and murderers lurking in every alleyway between 9.30pm and 6am? What are they doing there anyway - society has done such good job of terrifying women and thereby controlling their movements and activity - that the number of women like the OP who will walk alone is tiny. If yo have nefarious designs then an isolated location is the last place you should be - because no 'victim' will come nearby......

I think YABU, personally. If they'd said "now get on home, little lady, before you get raped," that would be one thing. But a word of caution is not a big deal IMO.

Dittany... I really think I've come to the end of my point now I'm resorting to dictionary definitions, but the online Webster's dictionary states:

For Oppression:

1. Cause (someone) to feel distressed, anxious, or uncomfortable

Perhaps Repression would have better made the point:

1. Inhibit the natural development or self-expression of (someone or something)

I honestly don't know of any other subject that causes such pettiness and point-scoring. It's very sad. :(

Off to cook now.

'Obviously I wasn't clear enough AgentZigZag, so you were able to put the worst possible spin on what I said'

You'll be asking me whether I want you to speak slower and sighing next

I take the butt the hell out opinion as directed at me because I'm not committed to feminism and do hold that view about the feminist boards.

You've said twice that you're entitled to your opinion as though someone has said you're not, which isn't the case as far as I can see.

But for someone who believes their entitled to an opinon on something, it's a bit ironic you don't apply the same courtesy to other people.

And I've not said I disagree with anything you've said about your ideas about patriarchy in society, just that the way some posters (and some parts of your posts) have chosen to express those ideas.

Alright, then.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with this thread and I started it.

Um.

"Women don't oppress men" ????

I know of several examples were men have been severly oppressed by a female partner. To the extent that their mental health has suffered. I know it is useually the other way round, but you really cannot deny these men's experiences.

And for the OP, my DH who is 6'2'' and built like a rugby player, has been spoken to by the police, when walking through a park late at night. They stopped asked him if he was ok, then said something along the lines of "watch yourself walking through here at night". They could have been warning him of their presece, or they could have been genuinely concered about him. He likes to think the latter.

Apologies for appauling spelling in that last post!

Apologies for appalling spelling in that last post!

That's the beauty of MN missscarlet

You never know which thread will end up being a "light blue touchpaper" moment...

I think there is a certain amount of cachet in starting a thread which seems fairly innocuous and ends up like this, if that helps!

If your aim as a feminist is to challenge the way things are at the moment dittany, I can't see how telling someone who's interested in feminism but doesn't have a strong opinion about it that they're being rude saying how the feminist boards seem to them.

The confrontational way you're posting at the min is just backing up that image I have.

If I see a poster starting a thread on AIBU saying they hate it when OPs don't fit in exactly with what they think AIBU's for, I would post saying anyone can say anything on any subject as long as they follow the discussion board rules.

But AIBU isn't trying to change the way some people in society view inequality and discrimination based on a persons sex, the feminism boards can be full of shitty posts and bickering all it wants if that's what the posters want.

I'm saying that as a person with a vested interest in the subject who has two DDs as well, I find it a shame it's not a board more inclusive of those who are not totally committed and who don't want a full on verbal blood bath.

Having read your first post. You weren't told off, they didn't STOP you as a suspicious person. They merely handed out advice. Maybe the next lone person-male or female-might not be so lucky to be 'told off' be the police.

You are only seeing what you want to see, AgentZigzag. As I've just posted on another thread:

"Here's a lovely thread where newbies were welcomed with open arms

There's tons of them. It's only the contentious ones where people come on spouting women-hating views or try to challenge posters whilst not reading what has been posted that get all the airtime with the "the feminists are doing it all wrong" folk."

What has the fact that she is a woman got to do with this?

"Women are more aware of crime, yet men are more than 3 times more likely to get mugged or assaulted"

www.crimestoppers-uk.org/crime-prevention/helping-prevent-crime/personal-safety/men

For this reason, I've asked my DP not to do walk home from a nearby friends house late at night. He now stays the night if the evening runs late.

Yes the streets should be safe, but they are not.

I think SardineQueen has already articulated my view far better than I would have but thanks OP for the update to the questions.

So it was a well-lit cut-through, at the end of which was the Police Station? Doesn't sound that dodgy to me but maybe I am being very naive.

My dad always does this if out at night walking: If he sees a lone woman, or women out he crosses over the road and walks faster until he is in front of them so that they can see him and he has put distance between them. I used to wonder why he did it (even with me out with him as a child) and he just said it's so they don't have to worry about who's behind them. I will tell my son to do this when he is old enough to be out at night alone because I just thought it was a considerate thing to do. I wonder if boys or men are ever given that advice by the people who are telling girls and women to curtail their freedom(s)/take precautions/be careful/be sensible etc? Apart from the obvious one of course, which is just don't assault/rape women.

Haven't read whole thread - shoot me.

OP YANBU - what are you supposed to do with the advice 'be careful' - it's pointless AND patronising. If they had said 'we have had a report about an incident here - do you mind if we accompany to your door?' or 'have you seen person X answering to description Y? If not please avoid or call station no on mobile' then you can do something with that. But 'be careful' - please...

Wonder whether I should go into the number of police officers recently found guilty of attacks on women...but maybe not.

That grin was really inappropriate. Sorry.

I suppose they're the ones people talk about on other threads AyeRobot, so the whole board gets tarred with the same brush.

It must be really frustrating to constantly have to battle that before you've even said anything on the subject.

But the evidence I've seen of the way some posters direct that angry frustration onto other people when they could be talking about the nuts and bolts of the subject doesn't make me want to see if that stereotype is wrong.

I'm not saying anyone else should care what my opinion is about it, it's just something I've thought about before and thought I'd take the opportunity to say it seen as I'm here.