IABU to think I shouldn't be told off by the police by daring to be a woman out alone after dark?

[MsScarlettInTheLibrary]

I was walking through a deserted cut-through at around 11pm, on my way home. I'd been shopping and to the gym, as evidenced by the bags I carried.

I happened across a pair of policemen on bikes, who saw fit to brake and tell me I 'should be careful walking by myself at this time of night'.

IABU to feel angry and offended by this?

Patronising is subjective. Givng the same advice to anybody in a deserted area is a recognised part of policing.

None of us will ever know.

dittany, they didn't say stay indoors or don't walk down here. They said be careful.

Yes SardineQueen - so am I.

End of story.

Next...

To all the people who see no difference between night and day when it comes to walking alone...would you let, let's say your 8yr old child walk home alone at night?

If not, why not? Surely by your reasoning if you let them out alone in the daytime there should be no problem late at night?

Thread's moved on a bit since last night.

Even if you're right LOTM, your posting style is what I imagine threads are like in the feminist section of MN, and the reason I stay well away from it.

What a pity.

"Be careful" isn't helpful advice though, to someone walking in a normal fashion to their home. It doesn't help them in any way, and probably only serves to make them feel nervous for the rest of their journey. Great.

"I also mentioned that it's not the police's job to get law abiding people to limit their movement."

Dittany - are you crazy? Of course it is the police's job to get all people to limit their movement - what are traffic laws for? Why do the police go into schools to teach DCs road safety?

Your only point ever, Dittany, is that you are perfect and the world is out to get you

They didn't say limit your movement either. That's what I meant by they didn't say 'don't walk down there'. They said be careful in this scenario.

I walked home at night all the time when working and still would if I was still working there. I was in an utter bubble at times and a timely reminder of the world at large still existing, even if I couldn't see it, was useful. I'd merrily be texting dh or daydreaming about seeing ghostly faces in windows and just not thinking about what I was doing. In fact a police officer yelling 'careful!' at me once stopped me from walking into a bin. No crime avoided but my embarrassment prevented.

imo the feminists need to get rid of the chip off their shoulder.
The world really isn't out to get you you know

I think that is what irritates me too. OP happened to be a woman, it has been said to my DS-he didn't say whether he found it patronising-I don't think he was bothered if it was or not. I don't think it was important.
As a woman I feel able to walk anywhere but I have taken the precaution of going to self defence classes-you have to be aware of risks and how to avoid them while still being free.
Women will be at a disadvantage while they read things into friendly comments.

How do you make the leap from being told that you should be careful walking by yourself at that time of night (friendly advice and they probably know more than you do), to being "told off" for "daring to be a woman out alone after dark"???

Just as feminists are not some monolithic entity, the police are not some homogeneous blue squirming mass.

And these particular police officers may have been sexist arses.

That was the OPs reaction, and she was the one who heard their tone and knows what they said.

If she says they were being patronising then I'm happy to accept her assessment.

Is all this the same type of phenomena where if a man makes an overt and inappropriate sexual comment to me I should laugh and bat my eyelids, rather than getting really annoyed? The OP should have felt grateful for the kind advice of the big strong policemen, even though her heartfelt response was to be annoyed at their patronising attitude...

I also love the suggestion that the OP should take on board their advice and not walk home that way again without a friend. How on earth is she supposed to have a friend on hand every time she comes back from the shops? How is the friend supposed to get home afterwards? That is advice as good as the advice on the cab thread to always get a cab in a group. Great! What happens if the people in your group live in different houses to you though...?!

I've no idea why this ran 11 pages. If someone came up to me and effectively said 'We're too crap to do our jobs, can you help me out instead so I don't have to?', I'd be fucking fuming! Especially if it involved a curfew.

An overt sexual comment is in no way the same as a simple, straightforward statement that police officers may use to any person who happens to be in the situation the op was in.

The implication that they are sexist arses is given from the op's later assertion that it was patronisingly said. Well she also went on to say that as she wasn't a criminal and had done nothing wrong they shouldn't have stopped and she was angered that they slowed their bikes in the first place. Hardly a reliable witness when she is already convinced that they shouldn't be stopping at all. You hear what you expect to hear.

And besides, maybe they were sexist arses. I don't deny that. The point is we will never know, the op clearly thinks that police officers should only stop and say something if you're in the process of smashing a door down or carrying a swag bag or tiptoeing in a ridiculous fashion wearing a mask.

We don't know the tone. The op doesn't know what intelligence the officers had. I've never met the police officers in question. Nobody knows if the officers had 5 minutes previously said the same thing to a 6ft 2" body building male. It has all the hallmarks of a good AIBU because it's based on utter conjecture.