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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU to think I shouldn't be told off by the police by daring to be a woman out alone after dark?

554 replies

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 09/04/2011 23:29

I was walking through a deserted cut-through at around 11pm, on my way home. I'd been shopping and to the gym, as evidenced by the bags I carried.

I happened across a pair of policemen on bikes, who saw fit to brake and tell me I 'should be careful walking by myself at this time of night'.

IABU to feel angry and offended by this?

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 10/04/2011 11:25

He's been asked that by women, and by partners of women when he's been stargazing in the park and a couple have been snuggling and become aware of him.
Police officers round here tend to give unisex advice on keeping safe, along with the info on antisocial behaviour and being teenagers loitering when adults panic.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:25

Does it matter?

TandB · 10/04/2011 11:26

OK, this is all getting a little too random for me. I am all for debating the bigger issues but there has to be some logical link between what people say and how their comments are interpreted.

I have no idea how we got from "AIBU to be annoyed that police told me to be careful" to "women continuously accused of crying rape" and people not believing in sexism.

Some massive leaps of logic going on which makes it really hard to engage in a real discussion.

LadyOfTheManor · 10/04/2011 11:26

Ok goblin let me re-phrase that;

Has a police officer/random person you speak of ever said to him;

"Becareful walking by yourself at this time of night"

LadyOfTheManor · 10/04/2011 11:26

Yes Show it does, because it'll help me make sense of your apologetic attitude.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:27

Lady, dh says are you a police officer?

frakyouveryverymuch · 10/04/2011 11:27

Actually reading back people challenge goblinchild's not, not necessarily the police.

But either way we have no evidence that the police in question wouldnt have said exactly the same to a bloke.

LadyOfTheManor · 10/04/2011 11:27

I am not.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:27

Apologetic attitude towards what?

TandB · 10/04/2011 11:28

ShowofHands - are you a lion tamer?

Sorry - thought we were playing a random questions game.

violethill · 10/04/2011 11:29

It is getting a tad random isn't it kungfu?!

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:29

Only part time.

Are you a chiropodist?

TandB · 10/04/2011 11:30

[fixes Violethill with a steely gaze]

Violet - are you a landscape gardener?

LadyOfTheManor · 10/04/2011 11:30

I am not.

TandB · 10/04/2011 11:30

ShowOfHands Sun 10-Apr-11 11:29:54
Only part time.

Are you a chiropodist?

An amateur one, yes.

Are you a Mormon?

Goblinchild · 10/04/2011 11:32

Yes they have, usually after they have asked him what he's doing. It's part of the paranoia that all teenagers face from some adults.
FWIW my DD walks around 3/4 miles a day, often in the dark.
Because she wants to.

LadyOfTheManor · 10/04/2011 11:32

Good for her.

wubblybubbly · 10/04/2011 11:33

"Do you honestly think that if sentences were harsher then mugging/rape/assault/murder would stop?

Seriously?"

Might not stop it entirely, but it would certainly stop some of it. Too many repeat offenders get a slap on the wrist and let off to do it again and again.

SardineQueen · 10/04/2011 11:35

Who thinks that all men are suspect?

This thread is taking a very peculiar turn.

Here we have a female OP who is pissed off that the police gave her some hopeless advice in a manner which made her suspect they were making a point about women being out alone at night.

Now instead we are to talk about how men walking around late at night might be viewed with suspicion.

Right ho.

When I was a teenager if I was walking home late at night and there was no-one around expect one bloke walking behind me and I felt uncomfortable, then I would cross the road. Was that wrong of me? Should I have not done that, so as not to make the (almost certainly blameless) man feel bad?

wannaBe · 10/04/2011 11:35

"Women shouldn't have to BE CAREFUL when walking around ANYWHERE." No, they they shouldn't have to be, but they do have to be, as do men, and children. Tell me this:

Do you teach your children when you let them out alone that they should be careful of the roads, not talk to strangers, etc? or do you think that the onus should be on the car drivers, the potential strangers with an agenda etc because to teach children to be careful is to make them victims?

Afaik this thread wasn't about rape. And there are far more crimes out there than rape, crimes that are perpitrated against both men and women. Until crime is completely iradicated, we should all take precautions to try not to fall victim to such criminals, such as, for instance, locking the house/car when going out, not leaving the ipad on display on the back seat of the car, oh and potentially not walking around dark secluded areas alone at night.

I certainly don't lock myself in the house for fear of the big bad rapest out to get me, and yes sometimes I do walk home alone at night. And tbh the thought of being raped is not something that has crossed my mind - the thought of being mugged has though, something which is a crime that is perpitrated against men and women.

It's not fear - it's caution.

Oh and for the record I am "fucking blind". Wink

TandB · 10/04/2011 11:35

wubblybubbly Sun 10-Apr-11 11:33:39
"Do you honestly think that if sentences were harsher then mugging/rape/assault/murder would stop?

Seriously?"

Might not stop it entirely, but it would certainly stop some of it. Too many repeat offenders get a slap on the wrist and let off to do it again and again.

Agreed. But as long as it happens at all, we can't just shrug off the need to act with common sense and take normal care.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:37

Our council spend a fortune on street lighting because it's known to deter crime. Bastards. They're saying that women who don't wear miners lights on their heads deserve to be raped, clearly.

Look, I'm descending into silliness because I'm frustrated and I apologise. I'm not trying to talk about rape or the intricate issues surrounding it. I'm merely trying to point out that nothing in the op points to anything suggesting definite patriarchy. It's not a novel where we can pin meaning on it and assert it as fact. It was what it was, I know they give the same advice to everybody irrespective of gender, age, race etc.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/04/2011 11:38

As amberleaf says, anyone should be careful using a deserted cut through.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2011 11:38

I'm not a mormon.

But my dog is.

SardineQueen · 10/04/2011 11:38

The OP was there and she thought that their tone was patronising. As she was the one who heard them I am happy to go with her assessment.