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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 4 year old to wear a school tie?

164 replies

lulu3376 · 09/04/2011 21:42

I am new to forums so hope I get this right!

I just wanted to get the general consensus of other mums out there. My 4 year old starts reception in September and a tie is part of the school uniform. I don't have a problem with ties but did not think they would expect reception kids to wear one - but they do!

I am even more surprised that they have to wear a proper tie not even a clip on or elasticated! I am not happy about this because I do not think its necessary at this age but even more so i don't think its very safe - ties can get tightened in rough and tumble and even more seriously, can get caught on climbing equipment.

That's my views/concerns - what does everyone else think???

OP posts:
nokissymum · 10/04/2011 17:16

ds1 wore a tie from age 5, when he was in yr 1, reception kids didnt have to. All was going well until one day i went to pick DS from school and he grabbed hold of me pleading to undo his tie! apparently another child had decided to pull him round the playgroud by his tie, and it had got tighter and tighter, he was too scared to tell anyone its was choking him, so he just waited till i arrived Shock

meadowlarks · 10/04/2011 17:18

You think that's bad? The (state) school round the corner from me has just introduced a policy of not only ties for all year groups but bow ties for boys. I shit you not.

Silverstar2 · 10/04/2011 17:30

yep my two wore a tie from reception as part of the winter uniform, and proper shirts, not polo shirtds as they are not allowed in our school. They both learnt very quickly how to tie it - I saw no need to mess about with elastic ones, and safety has never been an issue. Mind you, all those buttons and ties on pe days must be a nightmare, but the schools choice, eh?!

You will get used to it, and it looks so smart!

Good luck!

jobhuntersrus · 10/04/2011 17:43

Shouldn't 4 yr olds be learning through play, getting messy with sand, water paint etc? A shirt and tie seems not very practical to me. I know they can wear aprons but I don't agree with young children worrying about keeping nice and smart and clean. I just think reception children wearing shirts and ties sends out the wrong message.

seeker · 10/04/2011 17:43

It doesn not look smart1 And even if it did - why on earth should 4 year olds looks "smart'!

usualsuspect · 10/04/2011 17:45

There is no need for a 4 year old to look smart

4 year olds should be covered in paint and mud

not trussed up in shirts and ties

seeker · 10/04/2011 17:47

And why anybody wants girls to wear them completely escapes me!

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diabolo · 10/04/2011 17:54

Ties from Kindergaren at my DS's school too.

If you don't like it, find another school.

nooka · 10/04/2011 18:01

I hate stupid school uniforms like this for small children. I am amazed that a state school has this sort of uniform, and that they should be imposing it on four year olds is beyond stupid. My personal view is that private schools have OTT uniforms so that the children act as advertising for the school to attract parents that like their child as accessory (in a 'look at me, I'm so rich that my child goes to xx school' way).

If it is a state school then there is no way they can legally enforce the uniform, so just send your child in without the tie. If you like the uniform but are worried about safety then cutting it in half, stitching the knot in place and putting velcro in the back seems like a very practical option.

Personally I avoided schools with formal uniforms when making my choices, and I am very happy now we live in a no uniform environment. My children are 11 and 10 and what they wear has stopped being an issue ever since we moved from a uniform school, like their classmates they were jeans and a t-shirt in summer plus a hoodie in winter. I am pleased to say that they are well behaved, happy and adjusted looking like themselves, and judging from my colleagues the transition into work appears to be fairly easy.

seeker · 10/04/2011 18:02

Can anyone give me a sensible reason why 4 year olds should wear ties?

Even if they are going to wear a tie to work it's not going to take them 17 years to learn how to tie one!

And why , why, why for girls?

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 18:19

I will await a sensible reason with interest-I can't think of one. They don't even look very smart at secondary when the DCs are very 'creative' in the way they wear them.

onceamai · 10/04/2011 18:21

I never minded them wearing a tie - I minded the Reception staff getting moany about them not being able to do up the buttons on a cotton shirt or tie the tie or sort out the velcro and suggesting that holidays should be spent practicing. They got very moany when I said but children don't tend to wear stuff with lots of buttons and laces anymore. And close to arsy when I replied that I didn't chose the uniform and suggested they raise changing the infants to polo shirts with the HT and governors if they had problems helping.

The same two women thought a four year old should also be able to carry a lunch box, a sunhat, a PE bag and a bottle of water in the class queue and parents should not, under any circumstances help becaue this meant coming inside. Rucksacks not allowed due to space restrictions! When I suggested putting the plactic boxes for the bottles, hats and lunch boxes just outside the classroom in the playground so the children (their parents) could put the stuff in the boxes to help the children and the staff I had my head bitten off "..... and who, Mrs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx, is going to pick them up and take them inside". Can you help but wonder at the lack of common sense.

Silverstar2 · 10/04/2011 18:24

I agree it seems OTT for reception kids to wear them (as I said, mine did) but it just wasn't an issue as everyone wore them. As another poster said - there are far more things to worry about when they start school, the tie was the least of our worries!

I like a uniform - SO much easier in the morning, no hassle over what to wear - surely that is better?

Chill out - beleive you me, there will be many other things to worry about.......

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/04/2011 18:24

Easiest way to make a school look "good" is to have all kids in ties and blazers, and for the really upmarket schools introduce some tartan somewhere. That's why they insist on them (IMHO)

diddl · 10/04/2011 18:53

"Of course they don't have to-would you be cruel enough to make your DC be the only one without on a case of your principles? "

Yup, I think I´d be "cruel" enough to send a 4yr old to school without a tie.

I doubt they´d be the only one by theend of the week.

Silverstar2 · 10/04/2011 19:05

choose your battles. Is this your pfb by any chance?

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 19:09

I'm afraid that they would diddle-otherwise there would be no ties. I think it unfair to the DC to have a mother who puts her own principles before the feeling of the DCs.
If you feel strongly then ballot the parents, but I expect that you won't get anywhere. Schools have uniforms because parents want it. State primary schools didn't used to have uniform or homework-they got both through parental pressure. They couldn't have ties if every DC went without, but OP would find that every parent wouldn't send them without ties. I bet that a lot would be annoyed with a newcomer turning up and trying to change things.

nzshar · 10/04/2011 19:17

I am assuming you chose this school and surely knew the uniform before applying? And now you are moaning? Get a grip, improvise as some have mentioned or suck it up thats my opinion.

diddl · 10/04/2011 19:20

"I'm afraid that they would diddle-otherwise there would be no ties."-maybe parents just can´t be bothered to question it or think that they have to abide by it.

Young children can look smart in a uniform without a tie.

I think it should at least be optional at such a young age.

I´m not saying no uniform btw-I think it´s great to not have to bother about deciding what your child is going to wear in the morning.

Here in Germany of course, there are only uniforms in private schools & occasionally it´s possible to buy a sweatshirt/tshirt with a school logo!

omnishambles · 10/04/2011 19:25

I dont see it as a big deal, and no its not dangerous. We all wore them in the seventies after all. Thought it does mean shirt ironing which is a pita.

Its just one of those compromise things at school - wait until you disagree with the lunches or their playground policy or the teachers themselves.

Save your ire.

diddl · 10/04/2011 19:27

I don´t think it´s dangerous, btw, just pointless.

MigratingCoconuts · 10/04/2011 19:44

My dc have to wear ties from reception in a normal state school. I always felt that it was because its only real rival school is the private one and they are trying to look posh. Nuts really as it is a really good school in its own right.

I hate it because its a faff and DD chews it constantly so it looks revolting. I count the weeks til summer uniform begins (from next term, yessss!) and we can go back to easy polo shirts and check dresses.

Seeker is right, they just need a sweat shirt/polo shirt, why try to look 'smart', its daft!

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 21:27

."-maybe parents just can´t be bothered to question it or think that they have to abide by it.

Or maybe parents actually like it!

nooka · 11/04/2011 00:47

I'm never sure why people think that not wearing uniform is more of a hassle than wearing uniform. In the days when my two were in uniform we had to make sure that they had the proper clothes clean and ready the night before. Now they just wear whatever is there, and if something is dirty they just don't get to wear it. As they always wear the clothes they choose it's not a big deal (not like mufti days which were always at least a bit about showing off or 'getting it right' because of the rareness of the occasion).

I wore a uniform right through school. It was made of poor quality materials and never fitted me very well. The only long term result is that I now choose to wear clothes that are comfortable and I never wear blue. Oh, and I only ever wore uniform once again (for a Christmas job) and woudl never do so again.