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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 4 year old to wear a school tie?

164 replies

lulu3376 · 09/04/2011 21:42

I am new to forums so hope I get this right!

I just wanted to get the general consensus of other mums out there. My 4 year old starts reception in September and a tie is part of the school uniform. I don't have a problem with ties but did not think they would expect reception kids to wear one - but they do!

I am even more surprised that they have to wear a proper tie not even a clip on or elasticated! I am not happy about this because I do not think its necessary at this age but even more so i don't think its very safe - ties can get tightened in rough and tumble and even more seriously, can get caught on climbing equipment.

That's my views/concerns - what does everyone else think???

OP posts:
Tortington · 10/04/2011 06:37

everything is a safety issue. For gods sake woman!

seeker · 10/04/2011 06:46

It's not a safety issue. It's a making small children look like mini adults and training them to wear a 'wage slave' uniform issue.

And for me, and for girls, a feminist issue. But I suspect that might be just me!

onceamai · 10/04/2011 07:59

Mine did. Wasn't a problem. I cut them in half and sewed velcro strips so they were easy off and on for PE. Only issue I ever felt was that if every child in the school had to wear a collar and tie I didn't expect teachers to come to school in T shirts and flip flops.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:22

I don't like them on small DCs, and mine never had to wear them until secondary school, but if they already wear them I can't see you doing much about it even if we all agree with you.
I would presume that have worn them for years and therefore parents are happy with them or it would have been changed. Parental power changed my DSs school sweat shirt.
However you will need the majority of parents behind you and I suspect that they won't be. A lot of parents pay lot of money for private education to have poor little 4 yr olds in ties, blazers and hats and they all go 'ooh, ahh, love sweet' and take photos!
To my mind a 4 yr old needs something loose, comfortable, easily washable with lots of elastic and no buttons or ties.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:23

sorry 'how sweet' I don't know where the love came from!

seeker · 10/04/2011 08:24

And there are people (I know some in real life!) who use the "ghastly sweatshirts, darling" line as one of their arguments against using state education!

Easterfeaster · 10/04/2011 08:29

YABU after a few weeks it will not seem such an issue. Schools have lots of random rules, some of which are more annoying than others. I have kept both my ties from school, can't seem to throw them out. Smile

And congratulations on you first AIBU

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:29

I very much fear OP that you are onto a loser. Ask around the playground but if you don't get any support you will just have to go with the tie.

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 10/04/2011 08:40
Sportsmum · 10/04/2011 08:40

IMO nothing wrong with proper ties for reception kids - both went to school at 4 being able to tie their own ties - no problems at all.

If you have a problem with DCs wearing uniforms - find another school that conforms to your way of thinking.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:49

Parents want school uniforms.

My DS went to a school where the Head (slightly before my time) didn't want a uniform. The parents did and the PTA produced a sweat shirt and by the time I got there everyone was wearing it. It wasn't a very nice sweat shirt because the school wouldn't cooperate and the PTA were forced to have a PTA log and not a school one! After my DC had been there a couple of years the Head gave in and we got the same colour sweat shirt but with a lovely school logo and a polo shirt and grey skirt of trousers. It came about because parents wanted it. If parents didn't want ties (badly enough) they wouldn't get ties. But I suspect that OP won't get the support. Those paying for education very often have 4 yr olds in the 'whole works' including blazers that have to dry clean and ridiculous hats that they wouldn't be seen dead in themselves but think 'sweet' on their poor DC.

Uniforms have only ever been parent led.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:50

Don't know what is wrong with me this morning logo not log!

diddl · 10/04/2011 08:50

I thought that primary uniforms were suggestions & children couldn´t be forced to wear them?

What will they do if he doesn´t wear it?

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 08:52

Of course they don't have to-would you be cruel enough to make your DC be the only one without on a case of your principles? I wouldn't.

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeddyBare · 10/04/2011 08:57

Not sure if this has been said, so sorry if I'm repeating.
Get the normal school tie and cut it in half at a point which will be at the back. Then sew up the ends and put a little velcro tab on each end. If you're concerned about dc losing the 2 parts of the tie then you could sew the tie knot closed so that it's actually 1 part but it velcros at the back.
This removes almost all of the health and safety danger as the velcro will undo and doing up velcro will be easier for little dc.

susansocks · 10/04/2011 08:59

i am surprised the school dont prefer elasticated ties.
surely they prefer velcro shoes
same difference surely.
for independant dressing and whatnot

5Foot5 · 10/04/2011 16:46

DD had to wear a proper tie, i.e. not elasticated, from the age of 4. Not a private school either. I think they struggled after PE at first but by the end of the first term most kids had learned how to do it. I don't recall hearing of any accidents caused by this. Actually I would have thought elasticated could be more of a problem as they can be pulled and allowed to snap back on the wearer as a "joke".

Ironically at secondary they have to wear clip on ties, proper ties are not allowed. The reason being that with proper ties there are all kinds of non-conformist ways of tying them so they don't look smart but clip-ons don't give that option.

TooJung · 10/04/2011 16:53

Ties remind me of nooses!

vegetariandumpling · 10/04/2011 16:53

Learning to tie ties is a very useful skill. My dp didn't wear one at school, and doesn't need to wear one for work. Just after we met he had a job interview and wanted to look good, so I caught him trying and failing to tie one, so I stepped in and showed him how. He was very turned on impressed Grin

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/04/2011 16:55

No accidents here either, we all wore them as kids, my nieces wear them and so will DD when she starts school. And I don't remember teachers wailing about having to do them up either. We learnt to do them ourselves, it's not brain surgery.

whatkatydidathome · 10/04/2011 16:59

I think that the whole standard uniform thing is sexist - it is besically a mans suit - how many women wear ties to work?

seeker · 10/04/2011 17:12

'Learning to tie ties is a very useful skill.'

Possibly. !f you are a man. Not very useful for a 4 year old, though.

And it is a skill that a man can master in about 30 minutes when he reaches a time in life when he needs to wear a tie.

I repeat. putting 4 year olds in ties is stupid. and would make me wonder why the school was focussing so much on outward appearance.